


Dismantle Me

by EnviousHera



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 1990s, A Long Time Coming, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - High School, Arcades, Armitage Hux Has Issues, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Blood and Violence, Captive, Dark, Dark Reylo, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugging, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evil Ben Solo, Evil Kylo Ren, F/M, Gore, Graphic Depictions of Abuse, Guilt, Guns, Insanity, Kidnapping, Leia Organa Deserves Better, Like grandfather like grandson, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Hospitals, Mental Illnesses, Mid 90s, Mind the Tags, Murder, My First Fanfic, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Psychological issues, Rape, Revenge, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey-venge, Reylo - Freeform, Reylofest, Stalking, Strong Rey (Star Wars), Teen Pregnancy, Teenagers, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This is probably more fucked up than I realized, Torture, Twisted, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Victim of Abuse, Virgin Ben Solo, Xanax, a bit of the ultra violence, a lot of drugs guys, all aboard the pain train, darkest thing I've ever written, held captive, if you can't handle it then plz dont read it, is that smut i see ahead captain?, it gets bloody, no but seriously a lot of drugs, nobody is okay, noncon, please mind the tags, red ben no redemption, there is no Ben Solo only Zuul, this is fucked up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2019-08-29 02:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 41
Words: 53,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16735323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnviousHera/pseuds/EnviousHera
Summary: Set in the year 199whenever, a self destructive 17 year old Ben Solo meets 16 year old, human-car-wreck drug dealer Rey. Sparks fly and Rey decides it's up to her to help tightly wound Ben finally cut loose and have some fun.But Ben has other ideas on how to "cut loose", and decidedly has no other choice but to drag Rey down into the void with him.TW: this is VERY dark. contains cluster fucks of graphic torture, rape, abuse and emotional manipulation. read ahead at your own risk.





	1. The End of the World As We Know It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MalevolentReverie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/gifts).



> This is my first ever posted story, guys.  
> I'm fuckin' doin' this shit hmmkaaaaaay  
> *bursts into anxiety mushroom cloud*
> 
> shout out to MR for posting that real good good scary shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boy meets girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote this to all be in first person bc hahahahaha y not

It was another slow night at the arcade.

I'm hunched over a machine with a cigarette hanging from from my lips, playing while my eyes glaze over and reflect the screen. 

I've always liked violence. 

Violence is good. 

“Don’t I know you?”

I turn slightly from Street Fighter 2, not even bothering to move my eyes from the screen. This was more important, it usually was. 

I inhale nice and deep blow smoke from my nose and grunt. “Doubt it.”

I'm beating the computer for the millionth time in a row since no one likes to play against someone who could never lose. Pussies. 

I can feel this girl staring at me from the corner of my eye, and for the first few minutes I didn’t care. But then I become infuriated because I kept getting fucking tripped up by whoever the fuck this bitch is, being so fucking rude and just STARING AT ME LIKE A- 

I finally peel my eyes from the game, ready to get puffed up and tell her to fuck off. But when I look over to see the girl, my cigarette falls from my mouth and hangs to my dry ass lower lip, burning my scruffy chin.

I wince and rip it off, dropping it to the floor and stomping it out. She chuckles but doesn’t look away, even as I straighten to full height. Most people don’t look me in the eye because I'm weird and too tall and always in here alone. 

But not this girl.

She blinks up at me, her face looking absurdly silly, tongue poking out a bit from the corner of her mouth with her eyes narrowed. “Kyle... right? You’re the one boxing all the old records around here.” I just stand stock still and can’t help but almost faint at how fucking pretty this girl is.

Keep it cool, you fucking idiot. Keep it cool. Fonzie. 

I frown. It was supposed to say Kylo but… KYL was probably not the best abbreviation….

“Uh… Kylo.” I lick my lips and place my hands on the machine behind me. My fucking heart is going to explode. “And boxing any new ones.” 

Nice. That’s cool guy shit. 

I look her up and down slowly: She has her hair in three greasy buns, no make up (not that she needs it, i mean she’s practically _glowing_ and those freckles and her eyes and-), what appears to be some grungy Meat Puppets shirt under baggy overalls and very dirty shoes. When I'm looking her back up in the eyes, she looks a little annoyed. I sweep my hand through my hair nervously, catching knots and wincing. My hand drops and I look away.

I’m fucking peeling out of my skin. 

“Uh. Is there something you wanted, or...?”

“Yes. There is.” She clears her throat and takes a step closer, making me basically smoosh into the machine. “I want to play. Against you.” 

Huh. I narrow my eyes over at Hux who is standing behind the counter, watching with a stupid little smile on his stupid little face.

“Did he send you over here?” clearing my throat and nodding towards him with my chin.

“Do you have to even ask? And don’t go easy on me. I wanna feel good about making this money.” She said as she dropped a quarter in each slot and slammed both start buttons.

 

After several agonizing minutes of trying my hardest... She won. 

Not fair and square, though. I couldn’t stop looking out of the corner of my eye at her face glowing from the screen. The way her eyebrows knitted together and she bit her lip and how quickly she moved...

A real nymph. Like a videogame princess with Ellen Ripley's charm come to earth... how does she-?

The game is over again. She won. Again. The girl turned around to me and smiled. “Heh. You need a teacher.” She wiped her sweaty palms onto her overalls and into her pocket. “See you around, Kylo.” "It's... It's Ben." I say, sounding like a total idiot. But with a twist of her wrist, a crumbled paper was pushed into my hand and then, with a twirl, she was gone to the back counter with her hand out towards Hux. I looked at the paper as the girl started yelling at Armi, voice fading into the background as I stared at her address and phone number. I smile slowly. This must be my lucky fucking day... 

Everything turned into slow motion and the lights died around the halo of her shoving at Hux over the counter, her face screwed up in a snarl. “You said you’d pay me, you foul little git! Now where is my fucking money?!”

I'm engrossed with memorizing the script of scribbled cursive when I see her come back into view behind the blessed paper. The girl smiles as she walks by and flicks my earlobe.

“Call me when you want more. I’ll be waiting by the phone.” She grins widely, and waves her money at me. 

I watch her hips as she skips out, her sneakers squeaking on the dirty ass checkerboard floor. Then I notice the little baggie that had fallen to the floor when I opened the peper. I reach down to look at the contents and see a fine white powder. "Oh... Holy shit…” I mutter as I shove it in my pocket and dart over to the restroom, locking the door behind me. I stand in the dark for a few moments, taking a breath and then flip on the flickering fluorescent. I hold the baggie up to the light for further inspection and then open it. I pop my finger in my mouth, then into the baggie, back to my mouth and spread it on my gums.

_Oh._

I quickly dump some on the corner of the sink and shuffle out my wallet and scoop some into the corner of my school ID and snort.

Oh, _fuck_ yes.

I blink rapidly and my heart starts pounding. It’d been awhile since I had any coke and I've never had coke _this_ good before. I look into the mirror and my pupils are fucking blown. I do another bump and run my hand through my hair, breaking strands with it.

Fuck me. I need to call her. It would be fucked up not to share, right? It was free right and free drugs should always be shared... Especially with pretty girls. I should call her. I’ll call her and then we’ll hang out. Maybe she was… Interested? I should just call her and-

Before I really finish thinking about it, I'm dumping the blow back into the baggie and practically running out the door. “Hux! Hux let me use the phone I need to call that girl. That girl that was in here? I need to call her, dude. Can I use the phone?” 

Hux just stares at me, annoyed. He has the beginnings of a fat lip. I'll have to remember to laugh at him next time I see him. “Jesus dude she’s probably not even home yet. The fuck is wrong with you? Finally settle in that she kicked your ass?”

“You look like the one who got nailed.”

Hux smooths his hair and curls his lip. I roll my eyes. Oh, super scary, bud.

“Don’t go breaking another of our machines, _Crylo_.”

But I'm already walking away, hopping on my skateboard and riding down the street to my parent's. The temperature was perfect. A nice summer night. 9: 48pm.

I feel fucking good. I'm already daydreaming about the girl.

Who was she? I'd never seen her before at school. She looked the right age, maybe a year younger? Maybe? Certainly, most definitely never seen her at the arcade. How’d she get so good? Maybe she’s new in town… she did have an accent. And she was tough. Bitch slapped Hux pretty good…

I start laughing hard enough to almost fall off my board. Oh boy. Good shit. Oh hey, my house. Front door. I stop to do another bump... Okay, maybe there more, before I walk in. I'm so high I want to puke but I love it.

All the lights are off expect for the kitchen light and the TV. Han is passed out in front of it with a bottle of Corelian whiskey more than half gone next to him. Pathetic. I pick it up and gaze at Han for a minute, making sure he's really passed out before bringing it to my cracked lips. I'm in the middle of a swig when I hear mom, speaking quietly (in an angry tone I am all too accustomed to hearing) to Uncle Chewie in the other room. I lean forward to catch the words. 

“No, it’s bullshit. 20 god damn years of you two getting drunk and you pulling this on me? I’m done.”

I lower the bottle, perplexed. Pulling what? 

There's soft whispering and then a clatter, which makes me jump. 

“No. I said I’m fucking done. Just leave. Now.”

Chewie comes walking out, a hurt expression on his fuzzy face. He ducks his head under the doorway and looks at me, and I at him. Chewie lowers his eyes to the whiskey and back to me. He looks real bothered. Please don't notice I'm high, for fuck sake. And if you do, keep it shut.

“Better put that back before he notices. Later, kid.” he mumbles as he hunches his way out the front door. 

Oh yeah, booze. Yay. I just shrug and take another drink. What is going on? Chewie and mom never argue… Unlike her and dad. My eyebrows draw together as I look down at dad. He's snoring with his mouth wide open, and the wrinkles covering his face are more defined by the TV glow and his hair is more salt than pepper... He looks like shit. Sheesh, he's getting old. It makes me uncomfortable.

Mom catches my attention, drawing her robe up closer to her chest. She looks pretty worn in, too. Did this coke give me like, super powers or do they just look especially haggard tonight? Maybe they're just getting old. Sheesh... 

“Oh... Ben. Leave him there tonight. I’m going to bed.” she says without really looking at me. 

“Uh.. Okay. Goodnight, mom.”

She was gone before I finished speaking. I sit on the floor with my legs spread out and turn on Beavis and Butthead.

One hour. I’ll call her in one hour.

But I lose interest long before that and have the phone and the paper in my hands within 15 minutes.

She answers after two rings.

“Yeah?” It sounds like she has food in her mouth. Gods, I love how chill she is. 

“Oh uh, hey. It’s Ben. From, uh, earlier?”

“Oh! From the arcade, right?”

I clear my throat.

“Uh, yeah. Hey. Thanks for…. That thing. Do you wanna… hang… out maybe?”

She giggles and my hands clench; girly giggles make me anxious.

“Like right now?”

“If that’s okay, yes. Please.”

“Please, huh?” She starts speaking like I'm a baby. “Awww. How can I deny that? Yeah, come over. No one is here at the moment.”

Oh gods.

“I’ll be there soon.”

“Til then, Kylo.”

She giggles again and hangs up.

I hang up and run my hands down face,dragging the skin. My heart is soaring. 

Another bump and I'm skating as fast as I can to her house with a big, white Oleander tree outside. I chug the rest of the bottle, pick up my skateboard and fuss over my hair and leather jacket. Okay. I straighten up and knock probably too hard on the door with the side of my fist.

Okay. Okay. It’s cool. Be cool. And what’s Fonzie like? He’s cool. Ayeeee. Okay, okay- Shit. Shit! What’s her name?!

I'm flipping out but the door is already open, and there she stands: leaning against the side of the door with her hands in her overalls. She lays her head against the doorway and smiles sweetly. “Hey you. Come in.” She grabs my jacket and pulls me into the dim house and kicks the door shut.

Fuck.


	2. So. You. Thought. You. Might Like To. Go To The Show.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> switches POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> work was pretty awful so allow me to take it to start taking it to the dark place.
> 
> down in dat deep dawk wadduhh.

I drag Ben off into the living room. 

He seems tense still. But I did also just get him higher than a zepplin with that cocaine... Suppose it's just about right, then. He's just so damned awkward, stumbling behind me and looking around like a big raven.

Nevermore, nevermore. Heh.

I try not to laugh. I'm almost too stoned for company, which is my preferred state of existence,to be honest.

"Where uh... Are your parents?" he asks as I bounce on to the couch. I just tilt head at him. 

"Uhm. They're out..." No need getting into all of THAT bullshit. 

"Oh. Alright..." He's still standing, one hand in his pocket, the other rubbing his nose. 

I can't keep the grin off my face; he's just so damned cute.

I lean over to pull him by the bottom of his jacket to sit down and pick up the coke bottle I rigged into a little bong. Gosh, I'm so proud of how I picked up a lot of cool little talents over the last few years. Welding, sales, botany, mechanics... Lots of ways to make lots of pretty pennys. 

Ben just stares at me while I pack a bowl so I look over and raise an eyebrow. He blushes and looks away, twiddling his thumbs and staring at his boots. I blow out my hit, side eyeing him.

"So. Ben." He looks at me with black eyes. "What do you do? For fun? I mean, besides stare at screens all day." He gazes at my mouth for a moment before answering. 

"That's... Really just about it..." He starts tapping his foot. 

"Huh."

Fuck, this is tedious. I blow out another hit. Okay _now_ I'm too stoned for company. Alright, girl. You can do this. He's cute but obviously he needs a little.. push.. into a conversation. I glance at his Husker Du shirt. Oh! Music!

"You like the Pixies?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely."

"Great."

I walk to my record player, the one I bought myself. Veloria begins softly playing. And then the phone rings. Bleh.

"You can rack us up some lines if you want, right there on the table, Benny."

I hear a lot of shuffling and chopping as I pick up the phone. 

"Yeah?"

A deep and evil tone whispers: 

"Hi there, little girl. Want some candy?"

I roll my eyes. 

"Oi, Poe. What you got?"

"Anything for you. Let me come over. You got anyone there? I'm bringing Finn."

"M'kay. I'll be here. Got a new friend over."

I could almost hear his eyebrows wiggling like an asshole. 

"He cute? Suckle on his wang yet, hmmm?" I hear the boys roar with laughter. Oh gods. They're gonna embarrass me.

"You're so fucking obnoxious. I'll see you soon."

I hang up and turn to Ben. He was watching me again. Weird bastard. So cute though... I lean down and do a nice, fat line. Flip my hair over my shoulders and look up at the ceiling, pinching my nostrils.

Whew, fuck! I try not to gag at the drip.

"Benny, honey. Do you want a beer?"

He nods quickly and follows me to the kitchen. It's dull yellow, and a little messy. This house is really old and broken in. Lots of parties, lots of neglect, just like me.

He practically chugs the can I give him and wipes his mouth. Still staring. I'm kind of... Creeped out. But then his mouth is on mine and I just kind of let him do his thing. It's fine. No biggie. His big lips are so soft and plush.

His hands are everywhere and I almost can't really breathe. He's fucking strong... And not very good at making out. So I start kissing him back to show him a thing or two. But just when I'm into it... The front door bangs open and I hear the boys chattering. Yay!

"Hope you're decent babe!"

Ben flies away from me and is totally red, wiping his mouth.

"Who the fuck is that?" He hissed. 

But Poe was already picking me up and swinging me around. Oh boy. Awkward. This must look bad but telling people they're boyfriends tends to make people uncomfortable. He'll probably figure it out. It'll be fine.

"Who's your friend?" Poe asks as he sets me down and kisses her temple. 

I squirm away and fix my hair. Geez, I love him to death but he's so clingy!

"This is Ben. He's a master of video games and small talk. Ben, this is Poe and Finn." 

Finn waves and set down some beer on the counter. Always so thoughtful. Finn rustled my hair and I chomp at him and we giggle. They're the most fun so I'm glad they're here to make this less awkward.

"Heya man." Finn says as he offers his hand to Ben who just nods at them, blank faced. 

Or... Not. This is bloody awkward... 

••••••

 _I can't fucking believe this_. I've made an _idiot_ of myself in a moment of excitement. And now... Now... She never mentioned a _boyfriend!_ I'm so stupid! Idiot, Ben! Fucking idiot!

Finn passes the beers around as Poe is whispering in Rey's ear. She giggles and nods while they both look at me. Oh great, now they're laughing at me.

"Wanna fry with us?"

I try hard to look nonchalant and shrug; I've never done acid before but I've heard stories. 

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I shrug. 

Cool guy Kylo strikes back, fuck yeah. Rey jumps up to do a happy dance as Poe pulls the tabs wrapped in foil from his wallet. She bounces over to me, telling me to stick out my tongue, and I do without thinking. It tastes like nothing. I crack a smile at Rey and she sticks her tongue out at me, winking. 

Everyone else pops theirs into their mouths and Rey takes a Polaroid of Finn and Poe showing their tabs off on their tongues. She shakes the picture as I sit there, letting it dissolve. I light another cigarette, airing my sweaty palms. 

Fuck it. Can't be too intense, right?

About an hour later and I start feeling it. Like... _really feeling it._

Everything looks like I'm under water, looking up. Like when I was a kid in the swimming pool and I pretended to be a shark. I even feel as weightless. I just sit and stare intently at my hands and move them around, watching the trace of 50 pictures of my hand trailing and then fading. Everything is new and amazing. I wish I always felt like this. 

Rey is laughing at me, I think. So I look up and-

Oh _fuck._

I almost gasp. She is... ethereal: A space goddess. Her hazel eyes are exploding green nebulas in a colorful dimension where magic is real. Maybe she's a warrior. A defender of good. She's a tidal wave of cosmic bliss. I'm in love. There is no going back to smokey arcades. I would follow this girl into Hell as long as I could hold her hand. 

"Ben-" She's having a fit of giggles. "What are you..? Oh shit." and then she really loses it and Finn joins in. And then Poe. And then me. We laugh for a long time. And then harder. Although no one really knows what's so funny. Like kids in a classroom. Their faces ripple and patterns jut out of anywhere my vision focuses. They look like cartoons kind of, mostly from the black outlines they have. I can't stop laughing, and it makes my face and gut hurt. We all gasp and cackle when Finn says something like "my brains is microwaved mashed potatoes, help." I've never laughed so much in my life. Rey's friends are the best. 

But it stops being funny when I notice Poe poking Rey's ribs and tickling her and suddenly it's like my heart is breaking and that's enough to throw me into a sour mood. I get up abruptly and go to leave, with Rey calling after me. I snatch up my skateboard at the door. I don't fucking care. Fuck her friends. 

I distantly hear Finn yell after her, worried. "Rey! Hey, where are you going? Ben! Don't leave! Where are they going?"

"Pffft... Probably fucking crazy!" Poe says, causing the guys lose it again. I can hear them falling in the floor, laughing like retards.

Rey grabs my shoulder as I start walking down the lawn. I stop, refusing to look at her, because I know if do, I won't leave. 

"Ben? What's wrong?"

"Who is he to you? Is that your boyfriend? Or are they both your boyfriends?"

She looks so confused. "Ben? What? No, they-"

"What are you doing with them, then? They're way older than you!"

"I..? They're my friends! Why are you getting so bent? We're having fun, why are you so mad?"

I blow air out my nose. I am mad, but why am I so mad? I don't even really know her... 

I look down at her and I realize it doesn't matter, because I do love her. 

I already know it.

"You kissed me back... You made me feel like I matter."

God I sound pathetic. I gaze into her beautiful alien eyes and I don't want to leave. I'd be lost without her.

"You do matter. You're so sweet. I like you. Don't leave, please. Stay the night with me." She pouts. 

"Don't do that..." I mutter, stuck in the gamma ray of her presence. 

I finally look down at my boots and yeah, they're scuffed and old but wow, the material looks so fucking rad how it morphs into patterns and fuck, probably feel amazing. I rub my thumbs and pointer fingers together. It calms and distracts me for a moment. 

I look up at her shoulder made of kaleidoscope diamonds and sigh. "Okay, I won't leave... but let's go to your room."

She smiles. "Okay, Benny."

We walk passed Finn and Poe and they're touching each other's faces, totally lost in each other's eyes. Fucking weird dudes. Rey takes my hand and I forget all about them as we make our way into her room. She shuts the door and locks it.

And there we stayed, me looking through her collection of weird things: car parts made into figures of little robot like creatures, books on plants and knitting and sci-fi comics, a little cactus I desperately wanted to touch but I knew better. There was a notepad full of doodles of car parts, watercolor paintings of things I couldn't make out but I laughed at because they made sense to her but not to me. Her wall was covered in tally marks carved into it by her bed. Like... A lot.I lean over to stroke them, relishing the feeling. Gives me chills; I kind want to rub my teeth against them. The idea gives me chills.

"What are these?"

She chuckles and licks her lips. Oh, those perfect lips. "Tallys."

"Yeah, but like.. Why?"

She was laying upside on her bed, trying to doodle with a crayon on some paper, posed awkwardly.

"Huh? Oh, just counting the days."

Weird. But okay.

We cuddle for hours and continue to laugh and laugh til we cry. I'm too fried out to try kissing again, which really blows. She falls asleep as the sun starts coming up and I find myself watching her for who knows how long. I count her eyelashes, her freckles. I've never been happier- I could explode at any moment. This is what Uncle Luke was talking about when he droned on about enlightenment... Maybe I am the lovey dovey type. She makes me feel like a kid with a crush. I want to carve her name into my arms until I have no more blood left in my body and I'm only full of love for her.

Soon enough, I found myself wondering what she would look like covered in blood. Maybe hers, maybe mine. Maybe... someone else's. It makes my dick hard. I rub my erection against her ass slowly, still too fucked up to concentrate on cumming but that's okay. I just want to feel her skin. Maybe crawl inside and suffocate in her scent. 

I just sniff her pillow and wonder what it would take to get her to marry me and have my babies. What kind of flowers she likes. What it would sound like to make her cum. Where she grew up. Her warm skin turning cold and her lifeless eyes looking at nothing. What kind of body wash she uses to smell so good. I bite my lip and smile. She's a mystery. Rey E. Nigma. My little Riddler.

I fall asleep holding her, dreaming of her and I going Natural Born Killers on Poe, everything orange and blue, the saturation turned all the way up. My blood spattered goddess, laughing as she slices Poe's face off and dances around wearing it. 

I wake up laughing hysterically.

If only.


	3. Help Me, I've Got No Soul To Sell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from the song Closer by NIN. 
> 
> I feel like Ben is probably more than a /little/ inspired by Trent Rezner. 
> 
>  
> 
> A lil shorter, but we see Ben showing his admiration for Rey in the only way batshit crazy 17 year old fellas know how.

After that, I just couldn't be parted from her and when I was, I was keeping an eye on her. Just to make sure she was okay, of course. I wasn't creepy or anything. Just making sure the people coming in and out of her house had no ill intent. Shes tough, but I need to keep an eye on her.

I watched her sell drugs to losers, take s lot of drugs and drink like a little fish. I watched her sleep on a few occasions. I'd watch her call someone, looking disappointed as she hung up. I hoped she was calling me. The idea made me... giddy. She liked me. She might even miss me when I'm gone. Maybe she loves me like I love her. And gods, do I have love for the girl...

 

Still no sign of her parents, though. 

 

I creep into my house after spending sometime looking out for her. It was around 3:50am but I wasn't sure what day it was anymore. She had been getting fucked up all night and turned out the lights and gone to sleep. She never went to school... But then again, I hadn't been to school in almost... 2 weeks? 

 

My father is asleep on the floor this time with many beer cans laid about. The kitchen light is on, flooding dark yellow light into the living room. A soft crying could be heard, so I stepped as quietly as my big boots could allow to peak around the corner. 

I find my mother at the small, round wooden dinner table, with her face in her hands. She has her hair in two braids and the pretty silk white robe she's worn since I could remember. She has what I can only assume is a White Russian (her favorite) in one of the nice China tea cups she doesn't let anyone touch. 

"Mom?"

She looks up quickly and brushes her tears away. Her face is very red and puffy, her lip trembling as she tries to smile at me, one hand holding her face still. 

"Oh! Where have you been, honey? It's so late... Are you hungry?" She gets up and starts fussing about the kitchen, rubbing her tear soaked hands on her night gown. "I can make you something."

My stomach churns at the idea of food because I'm still high from the blow Rey gave me the other day. Good thing, too. Keeps me sharp during my patrol. 

"No, I'm fine... What's wrong? Did he really pass out like that, face down?"

"... Yes. He's tired, from working with uncle Chewie..."

Yeah, sure. And I'm made of fucking popcorn jellybeans. I roll my eyes and shove my shakey hands into my jean pockets. Ugh, Jesus...I don't want to deal with this right now. I need some sleep before I go over and surprise Rey with breakfast... Maybe sneak in and bring it to her in bed. She'd love that. All sleepy eyed and adorable. Maybe she would suck my cock like those girls in the video tapes Hux gave me... I bet her mouth is as soft as her heart... Whoa. Hit the breaks, Kylo. Having a hard on in front of mom is too weird. I clear my throat and rub my eyes with my knuckles.

"Okay well goodnight, mom. I'm tired."

I place a tiny kiss on her cheek, having to bend almost in half. 

"Goodnight, honey..."

 

I barely lock the door before I'm grabbing myself roughly through my tattered black jeans. Of course I only think of Rey, and her tiny body being crushed under me and begging me to touch her, touch her anywhere I could engulf her with my huge wolf paws. 

I unzip my pants and whip out my cock, already drooling precum. Everything in my head is so animalistic, just flashes of images, from what I'd seen in magazines and through her cracked blinds. I'm jerking myself off, fast and hard, spitting on my dick as my mind races faster than my heart. 

Groaning loudly but I don't care who hears me anymore. My thoughts are in control now, my subconscious taking over:

_I'll fucking rip her fucking clothes off and slam her on the fucking bed and suck on her tiny fucking nipples and rub her dripping hot wet cunt with my hand and fucking bite her til she screams and fucking orgasms on my hand gushing she's fucking gushing and I lick her needy little fucking pussy til screams more and bruise her mark her fucking mark her slam my fat cock into her and fucking break her with her knees to her fucking ears and lick her feet and choke her until she's blacked out and fuck her hard and harder and harder and faster... faster and faster and she's screaming she loves me she needs me 'kylo' yes she would call him 'kylo' squealing like a kitten and I bite her til she bleeds drink her fucking blood she's mine mine mine fuck fuck fffu_

I cum fucking hard, spurting my hot jizz onto the floor, almost snarling like a monster. 

I close my eyes and imagine her licking it off the floor for me, and then licking my boots. 

Fuck. She would do that and love it. She'd do it just for me, no one else. Only me... I should go there now. She'll be so happy to see me. Fuck. She'll slobber all over my cock. I shiver as I stuff my dick back into my pants. 

I push my hair off my sweaty forehead and lick my lips. I'm panting and practically shaking.

I'm in deep. And I need her in my arms. Now. Forever. 

Don't worry, angel baby. Daddy's coming home. And he's here to fucking stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry bout that. 
> 
> Ben u creepy, hulking fucker. 
> 
> Rey, you better hope you have some bear mace.


	4. I'm Dangerous, Crazier Than A Bag of Fuckin' Angel Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is where it begins to get
> 
> bad
> 
>  
> 
> Ben POV
> 
> cw: graphic noncon. mind the tags, it's only the beginning of the madness. plz don't read if this material content is upsetting for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for realsies. noncon.
> 
> also it's shorter than the others but

I skate to her house, pick the lock to her front door and slide in quietly, shutting the door painstakingly slowly. The sun hasn't come up yet, but the sky is beginning to look pale. I tip toe to her room, to which the door is open; she's lightly snoring. 

I stand with my hand on the doorframe and stare at her sprawled out, her mouth opened slightly. Her hair is down for once and she's in a giant white shirt. I watch her chest rise and fall slowly, enjoying the serenity of the moment. 

I creep over to her and run my thumb lightly over her bottom lip and collect a bit of drool. I smile softly as I continue to rub my thumb, tucking it gently in her mouth, over her bubblegum pink tongue. I bite back a groan; I know I have to stay quiet. 

She doesn't even stir. 

I gently move her shirt up, exposing her small tits. I lightly grab at one, and squeeze just hard enough to feel the softness of it. I swallow roughly, and get to my knees on the floor to press a kiss to her nipple, which had grown hard. She still hasn't moved, so I start to lick it. 

Her breathing starts picking up, and my cock gets painfully hard. I almost can't tell if I'm more excited to finally be touching her or to see her face when she finally wakes up. Or maybe it's partly because I know I shouldn't be doing this. 

But why not? She's mine, after all. Sweet, sweet Rey... 

My hand slowly travels over her soft, flat belly and over her panties. Slowly still, I run my fingers over her clit, and that seems to get her breathing up a little higher, so I start going just a bit faster and keep lapping at her nipple. 

But it isn't enough. I'm losing my patience. I dip my hand down her panties and feel how wet she is. At this, a groan escapes me, although it's too loud because Rey finally wakes a bit with a little moan. Fuck it. I'm not stopping.

"Mmm... Wh.. Who..? What the... fuck? What the fuck!" 

She starts thrashing and looking around but I climb on top of her quickly, panicking that she might run. Uh-uh, little bunny.

"No, no, no, no, no. Shhh, shhh. It's me, it's Ben. You're okay, darling. Shhh... It's okay." I whisper, trying to soothe her, brushing her hair from her face. She jerks away. 

"Ben?! How did you get into my house?! What the fuck are you doing?! Get off me!" She slurring her words. 

Her thrashing doubles in effort, but it does nothing to thwart me. She's stills too fucked up. I cover her mouth and grab her tiny wrists with the other hand. 

"Hush now, baby. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast. You just looked so beautiful that I couldn't take it. Shh, relax. I've got you. Just relax."

She tries to bring her knee up, and my grip on her wrists tightens. She begins to cry. 

She's just sleepy. She doesn't understand. Must be the drugs. I'll show her. 

I start kissing her neck, and nibble on her ear. 

"Shh, you'll like it. Let me show you."

She keeps trying to yank her wrists free so I bite her hard on the neck without thinking, and keep my hold with my teeth. She screams, but my hand deafens the sound. I release her skin and speak harshly between my lips, drawn in a hard line. Why is she being so stupid? 

"Stop. Or you'll fucking regret it. You know I can take whatever I want. Just fucking relax."

She stops and tenses at my words. I look at her, a stern warning in my black eyes. She whimpers and nods. This makes me happy again. Good girl. 

I smile wide, like a shark. 

"Good girl. Lay back and let me show you how much I love your body."

She nods and more tears fall from her half lidded eyes and down her face. I continue to smile. 

I take my time with her, caressing her gently all over. I tug her shirt over her head and peel her panties off. I kiss her from her toes all the way up to her lips. This fucking erection is excruciating... I slowly push two fingers inside her. She hasn't moved aside from her eyes closing, so I get down and lick and kiss her clit. I've never done this before, but her breathing is pitching, almost giving way to tiny moans. 

Yesss.

I can see she wants to come, needs it. But she's holding back. Is she fucking sleeping again? It annoys me. 

This won't do. 

I lean back onto my knees and unbuckle my belt. I'm shaking with excitement and irritation. I pull my cock out and rub it against her cunt. She turns her face away and puffs short breaths into the pillow. This bothers me further. So I decide: 

Fuck it. If she won't give it to me, I'll fucking get it myself. 

I push my cock into her roughly. It's tight. It's hot. It's wet. It's: 

"Perfect... Oh fuck, Rey. Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey. Baby you feel... Fucking amazing. Fuck." I gasp with every shallow pump. 

I start to go deeper, and groan over and over again. It's better than I'd imagined. I grab her hips and starting pounding into her, with no real rhythm. She covers her face with her hands and starts crying quietly. "St-stooo.. p." She slurs. 

I roll my eyes and stop to slide my belt from my pants and tie her wrists together and through the bed post.

"No hiding that beautiful face, baby. Give it to me. Give me everything."

She looks at me with glazed eyes as the tears continue rolling. Her eyes are half lidded again and barely focused. It's so fucking hot. I pick up the pace and start slapping into her, full force. My grip on her hips is torturous, I'm sure of it. She's wincing. I bite my lip as I feel an orgasm building. 

Faster and harder and faster and-

The front door opens. 

"Rey! Wake up, honey. We have donuts!"

It's Poe. 

Fucking. Poe. I stop dead and look over my shoulder as Poe is about to walk into the room, a pink box in his hands and Finn right behind him. They freeze and gap at what they see before them.

"Poe! Finn! Help me! Please!" Rey slurs from under me. Help? So dramatic. 

They start to move, but I'm already up, tucking my cock into my boxers, and I have never been more fucking furious in my life. 

I speak quietly, through clenched teeth: 

 

"Your timing couldn't have been fucking worse for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp. Ben seems a little miffed, but maybe they can all sort this out in the next chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> hahaha I'm just kidding this is the end for some of them


	5. Strawberry Gashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback.  
> and not the kind you supposedly get from cracking your spine (I never have and I'm back cracking queen okay) 
> 
> Third person POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a lil bitaroo about lil bennyboo

As a kid, Ben Solo had always... Been solo. 

Ben Solo was more than a stupid name, it was a life sentence and that old only child syndrome can be a real bitch when your parents probably only truly loved each other before you could make real memories. 

Maybe he had a few memories of seeing them seem happy... But not anything substantial. Nothing he could tell anyone about. He never had anyone to tell anyone, really, anyways. 

The one person he had felt any real closeness to was the old guy that taught him how to fight. Well, fight better. But Snoke wasn't someone his parents wanted him around, which only made his friendship more important. Two birds, one stone.

Snoke never saw it as a friendship, however. He would often call Ben his 'apprentice', which was weird, even to Ben. He had often wished he would have called him son instead. Han didn't treat Ben like a son, he treated him like a monster because he was often destructive in his temper. It was a learned talent, to be fair.

Han wasn't a dad. He was a walking drunk, abusive disaster. Ben got the worst of it, Leia only earning a smack rarely.

 

Han always had been and always would be a drunk. Always. Embarrassing them all at every turn. Talking shit to strangers on the street, Ben's teachers. Any kids he tried being friends with were told by their own parents to stay away from the pathetic white trash family. Ben hated Han.

 

But Leia was the peacekeeper. She always had snacks for Ben, hugs and kisses. Overbearing most the time, asking him too many questions and fussing over him when he fell off his skateboard or hit his head on something. But Ben loved her. He just couldn't understand why she wasted her life with a drunk that couldn't hold on an actual job that gave steady paychecks. 

 

Han could only handle illegal runnings of illegal miscellaneous things like cigarettes and guns with Uncle Chewie across state lines from California into Arizona and Nevada. Uncle Chewie was just the guy who had to handle Han's mouth and the trouble it brought them all. Chewie seemed to stick around more for Ben and Leia than Han, having no problem tossing a shit faced Han to the ground when he got belligerent. 

 

According to Han, one time Chewie broke both of some guy's arms at once. "Nearly tore them off." But 6 cops (or more, depending on how fired up and wasted Han was when he told the story) managed to get him off the guy before he could pull his Fatality on him. It was Ben's favorite story as a kid. He used to tell kids at school that his uncle was a wild beast from another world that would eat them up. 

 

That didn't help him in the friends department much. 

 

For years, Ben would brawl any fuck faces that came to him. He had always had anger, so deep in his soul. He was constantly in trouble for breaking things, screaming at other kids, and throwing desks across the room at teachers. He started smoking cigarettes when he was 10, stealing things from gas stations. He was bad and he liked it that way. He loved being a monster, and only Snoke understood him I'm that aspect.

So when Snoke watched him fighting after school one day while walking his dog passed the park, he decided to take Ben under his grim wing. And Ben was happy; he had thought he'd finally found someone who understood him, saw his anger as a positive attribute. He busted anyone's face Snoke asked him to, collected some debts. That's how he met Armitage. Even the stupid pitting them against each other didn't bother Ben. 

Until Snoke tired to touch his dick after they had been drinking beers in his house late one night. 

Ben had nearly tore him completely in half. 

He was never heard from again. The boys he knew through Snoke said he died. Was murdered, apparently. 'Must have been a gang of guys.' Ben acted shocked, pretended to mourn him. Hux was the only person who knew what had really happened, though. Apparently he also had an issue with that creepy old fuck (although Ben assumed it had gotten further with Hux), so he kept his lip zipped tight.

And boy, did Ben get a very sick satisfaction from reimagining him dying on that floor in the living room. In his disgusting dark yellow robe, covered in blood. The blood that pooled on the carpetless floor. That stupid, pitiful cry for God to help him. Ben had laughed as he cut through his chest. 

'No God' was all he had said to him as he watched the decrepit fucker sputter out blood and cry and try to cling to him. Ben had kicked the already lopsided part of his head in. Hux found that to be insanely bad ass. "Alright, Pinhead!" 

He and Ben high fived and laughed til they cried. 

But that was almost 2 years ago, and since then Ben had tried working on his anger. Really tried. Uncle Luke had even tried to teach him some hippie bullshit about mediation and the Light of the Gods. But Ben couldn't be bothered with lovey dovey horseshit like that. He eventually ran away, ending back up at his parents house, much to Han's very open dismay. Even though Hux had tried to cling to him as a new leader, Ben wanted to be alone. Maybe he wanted to feel real love. But he never felt anything but anger. Until he met Rey. And now... He couldn't go back to who he was before. She brought something out of him he couldn't let go of. He had to cling to her lovely aura of warmth and sunshine. She was a gamma ray. And he would hang on, even if it meant demolishing everyone and everything in the way. 

He would have to. He didn't have a choice.


	6. I'm On A Roll, No Self Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anyways, where were we? oh right. Ben is found out. maybe he can explain himself? 
> 
>  
> 
> hahaha jk cw: death, mild torture, and mild insanity.
> 
>  
> 
> third person POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> elevator goooooing up!

The three young men stood staring at one another. Rey struggled quietly, trying to get out of the belt trap. The air was thick with unbreathable tension. The boys stood all completely still, hardly breathing. 

Finn was the first to move, and he was lucky for that. 

He ran head on to Ben, and Ben grappled him to the floor swiftly and as he got on top of him, Ben grabbed his head and snapped his neck with a revolting _pppppllkk_. Finn's arms quickly fell to his sides, laid out like Icarus probably had looked when he feel back to earth. 

Poe screamed and attacked next. Ben turned to look at him and was smiling. 

Poe took him down and started punching Ben in the face, and Ben let him. He was covered in blood, his nose and mouth both gushing. He started laughing while Poe was crying and punching blindly, and still yelling, nothing that could be considered real words. 

Rey couldn't see from where she was, but she was yanking more violently on the belt around her wrists. She yanked and yanked until there was a loud pop. And then she screamed. 

Ben jerked up and elbowed Poe in the mouth, which knocked him down and he harshly kicked him in the face a few times. 

He was over to Rey in a startling half a second, hands ghosting over her, panicked. 

"What did you do, baby? Oh, oh honey, what did you do?!"

She only kept screaming. So Ben did the only thing he could think to do, and gagged her with her shirt. He pet her hair, shaking a little, as Poe groaned on the floor and spit out part of his tooth. He looked around, dazed and slowly stood up, swaying and tripping, trying to get to Ben. Grasping at anything. 

"Y..ou... Mot..h... Er fffuucker.." Poe mumbled as he fell over, near Ben's feet. Ben looked down, annoyed and stomped with all his weight onto Poe's head. 

Poe stopped moving. 

Ray's muffled screaming was bothering Ben to a degree of absolute stress. He slapped her, but it only made her cry harder. So he went looking through her drawers. He knew she had something that would make her calm down. Rey had something for everything. She was so smart that way. 

He pulled out a bunch of prescription bottles and sandwich baggies. Some had pills, liquids, powders, and a big bag of mushrooms. 

He choose a prescription that said lithium. He knew that one well. 

"Here, honey. Here." He popped four into his hand, and crouched next to her. She shook her head, eyes bugging out, terrified. 

"It's okay. They're nice. You'll be fine. Open your mouth." He took the gag out, and as he went to put his hand by her lips, she bit him. Hard. 

He snapped his hand back away, his blood dripping down his elbow. He glared at her. 

"Rey..." he said, through tense lips. 

"No!" she rasped. "Get.. the FUCK... AWAY... FROM ME! YOU'RE A MONSTER!"

His heart tore. His lip trembled. But he stiffened it quickly. Men don't cry. 

"This is your own doing." He look the pills to his lips, and tossed them in his mouth. She stared at him, confused and enraged, and watched him chew them. He grabbed her face and forced her mouth open with his fingers, prying her by the teeth, mouth parted with both hands. 

He swished the smashed pills around in his mouth with his spit, mixing with his blood. He spit them in her mouth and mashed her mouth shut, held her nose closed. 

"Swallow. Or you'll regret it."

_geez, I sound like Han._

He almost rolled his eyes. 

Eventually she swallowed it. He smiled as he pet her hair. 

He wasn't sure how long he gazed at her. The sun had come up fully, but it was cloudy outside. The wind had picked up. He continued to pet her and traced her features with his finger tips. Told her how beautiful she was. How much he loved her nose and freckles. She just stared back at him, eyes glazing over. Salt crusted her eyelashes and cheeks from her tears. He licked the trails, ridding her of any imperfections. 

Perfect little doll. 

"Easy peasy, honey." He said softly as he wiped up some drool from the corner of her lip and put the gag back in her mouth. Poe twitched on the floor. 

Oh. Right. 

"Go to sleep, darling. Daddy has work to do. Maybe breakfast when you wake up." He kissed her face all over as her eyelids fluttered. 

"Now. Let's get you and this bastard out of here. She needs her sleep. And I don't want your bones breaking to wake her." He smiled down at Poe. 

"Let's just go fucking crazy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yOu WaNnA gEt NuTs ? ! 
> 
> LeTs GeT nUtS ! 
> 
>  
> 
> thank you so much for reading this piece of shit story everyone, fucking thank you so much! I do a happy dance whenever I get any sort of feedback on this! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really didn't expect anyone to read it, let alone get kudos and bookmarked! You guys make my day. Seriously, thank you! 
> 
> (Also, I have a Tumblr like most people and I'd love to do some prompts. @boogerzomaley)
> 
> Also, also... My boyfriend thinks I'm just writing smut over here. Lol. 
> 
> o h h u n n y.


	7. The Impression That I Get

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's  
> get down  
> to business
> 
> to defeat
> 
> the Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> work was just absolute shit but that's what happens when you work in fast food right haha fml 
> 
> Ben POV 
> 
> so uh here we go... 
> 
> (oh yeah this is /pretty/ graphic. 
> 
> CW: torture, blood, broken bones, etc
> 
> if this gets to be too much, you can skip it. I'll give some notes again the end that will catch you up on any important dialogue.) 
> 
> also brb Ben and I are gonna check into the mental health clinic and probably get shot like horses bc there's no redemption for broken scum suckers like us
> 
> (follow me on Tumblr @boogerzomaley and send me some prompts plz! much love to you all!)

With Rey asleep, I made quick work of moving Finn's corpse and Poe's mangled body from the bedroom in the kitchen: dragged them both by the ankles down the hall way with ease thanks in part to the dirty, peeling linoleum throughout most of the house. I should fix this place up. 

I dumped them on the floor together, in the middle of the kitchen, browsed around the house, looking for fun things to incorporate into the session I was fantasizing about. I did some lines of cocaine whenever I passed the counter.

I softly murmured the Jiminy Cricket song. It was stuck in my head for some reason. 

"Give a little whistle." I whistled terribly. Didn't eat enough crusts off my sandwiches. "Give a little whistle." Again. "And always let your conscious be your guideee." I kept whistling along, changing from one Disney tune to another, gathering rope and anything sharp or heavy, setting them on the chipped countertop next to the pile of superpowered white powder. I rubbed some one my gums, numbing my aching jaw.

I left Finn on the floor, and heaved Poe into an old wicker dinning chair and did some nice rope work. 

Boy Scouts didn't disappoint in actually being useful... Who'd have thunk? 

I was humming Bear Necessities when Poe started opening his eyes. His head lolled about, and he groaned. I took off Poe's sock and jammed it in his mouth, put some duct tape over it and crouched down to his level so we were face to face.

"Well, hello there. Have a good nap?"

Poe looked around, still dazed, until his eyes laid upon Finn. He started screaming, tears streaming over the duct tape, but it was too muffled to make any real noise. His eyes were bugging out of his head and he was thrashing as much as he could. The chair was old, and I wondered breifly if it would break. Might as well. I'll build her new chairs.

I grabbed Poe's face hard and got within an inch of his nose. 

"If you do anything to wake her up, I'll break every fucking bone I can find. Be still. And maybe you can get out of this alive."

Of course I didn't mean it. Poe was going to die here today. And I was going to take every ounce of pleasure I could from watching the playboy get ruined. 

"Why do you insist on showing up at the worst times? You couldn't let us enjoy ourselves? I didn't even get to cum. Now I'm all worked up." I cracked my neck and frowned deeply. "Did you both come over here to fuck her? Touch her?" I turned away to get the pliers off the counter. "She loves _me_." I said through his teeth. I was seething with pure, red rage. "And this guy..." I nudged Finn with my foot. "Well... I don't think he was trying to fuck her. I actually kind of liked him. But... You know how it is. Gotta make sure my Rey is safe." 

I smiled as I looked to Poe, and clamped the pliers down twice. _tink, tink_

"Let's start small, and work our way up." I winked. 

I kneeled down and grabbed Poe's hand, which he was trying to yank away but couldn't due to being tied so tightly. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back. 

"Don't make this worse on yourself, bud." I said while I chuckled. 

I got a nail in between the pliers teeth and yanked backwards, ripping most of it off. Poe screamed while the blood trickled down his finger tip. He tried clenching his fist when I went for the next one. 

I looked at him, my lips in a hard line. Okay. Be difficult then, you cunt. I got up and exchanged the pliers for the wooden baseball bat I found in the garage, tossing it from hand to hand. 

"Break your fingers instead? I mean... If you insist." I shrugged and picked up the thick wood cutting board, crossing it above his lap, adjusting his ropes accordingly. Poe was too terrified to move. When I was pleased, I picked back up the bat and brought the head of it down as hard as I could onto Poe's knuckles. "Can't close your little hands now."

Poe screamed, and thrashed more. It was pathetic. Obviously he's never felt real paint before. 

I proceeded to smash the bat down on his knuckles and wrist until Poe wasn't screaming anymore and all that could be heard were loud snaps, pops, and crunches. Sounded like life sized Rice Krispies. Just add milk.

I stopped, and looked at my handy work. Heh. They didn't look much like hands anymore... 

I scratched my head. The bones breaking was kind of an unsettling sound... But I still had one more thing to do before I got to use any other tools- I had a set schedule to uphold. 

I stood up straight, rolled my shoulders back and then forward and got into a t-off stance. I faced the bat down, and swung back, holding it up behind my head as I looked down at Poe, who was shaking his head frantically, trying to (what I assumed, but couldn't be sure) plead me not to. I blew the hair out of my face. 

Taking a breath in, I planted my feet and swung down to Poe's shin just like in little league. 

_C R A C K_

There were no more screams, just a sharp inhale through Poe's nose, and then sobs. Aww. I patted his head and chuckled. 

"One more, and then we can move along. You're doing great, bud."

Again, with all my Frankenstein's monster strength, swung down. 

_CCCRRRRR A C K_

Poe's eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp. 

"God damn it, dude. Don't be such a pussy." I muttered as I slapped his face to wake him up. His eyes fluttered open. He looked more than miserable. 

"Hey. I'm not done yet."

I turned away to grab something, then turned back to Poe and grinned. 

"This..." I nodded to the blow torch. "Is where the fun starts." I switched it on and pulled out my lighter from my pocket, igniting the flame. 

Poe really seemed to fucking lose it. He lurched around until the chair fell back and broke. The seat had broken on impact, leaving him lying there, his broken legs mangled. I just rolled my eyes and walked over to drop to my knees, straddling Poe's hips. I reached over his head to grab my pack of cigarettes off the table in front of us and pulled one out with my teeth and lit it from the blue flame. I inhaled and blew the smoke from my nose. I glanced at the clock above the gas stove. 8:17. Okay. Cutting it close. 

"Not much longer now. Come on." I said with the cigarette between my teeth. 

I snatched Poe's gnarled hands and brought the torch to his fingertips, which began to bubble and fester. Poe kept screaming like a little bitch and sweat was pouring all over his face. 

My eyebrows pulled together. "Jesus, would you calm the fuck down? You're being SO loud right now..." I punched him in the ribs, knocking the little breath he had left and he closed his eyes, eyebrows knitted.

When I was satisfied with his finger prints becoming globs, I turned it off and inspected closely: They were oozing and bleeding. Many layers were burnt off, probably close to the bone... The burnt flesh smelled sort... Good? 

Rad... I wonder what he tastes like..? Or is that too Dahmer? Maybe too weird. Rey probably wouldn't appreciate that... 

I dropped his wrists and leaned back. Poe just started at me blankly. He didn't even look like a person anymore... More like a destroyed mannequin. 

I hit the cigarette again, blowing the smoke in Poe's face. He didn't even flinch. I cocked my head to the side. Hit the cigarette again. Flicked the ashes on his face. 

Nothing. 

I looked down, confused.

"Shit man, I already broke you or what?" Poe just kept staring. And I didn't care for this zombie shit. Not at all. So I stuck the half smoked cigarette into Poe's eye. 

That got him. 

"Hey, welcome back." I laughed. "Thought I lost you there. Hah, whew." I ran hand through my greasy hair and shook my head. I need a shower. Covered in blood and sweat. Not very gentleman like. I checked the clock again. 8:42. 

"We're about done. You've done great, man. I'm gonna let you go." Poe looked up, almost hopeful. He nodded eagerly. Tried to speak through the gag. 

I held up my hand. Playing with him was fun. "Ah, now hold on. You're not gonna like it." 

Poe immediately stopped moving, terrified. I wiped the blood from Poe's face with my thumb, smiling gently. 

"I had this dream. And it made me laugh. Like no shit, woke up laughing. Have you ever done that befoe?" Poe shook his head slowly. "Too bad. It's totally wacky. Anyways." I smeared Poe's blood in stripes onto my pale cheeks and a line down my chin. War paint. Poe looked at me like a man who was about to lose his fucking sanity. 

I must look like a demon. The kind of face that horrify even the toughest humans. The face of a bloody, hulking monster that no one would want to die seeing. 

Except Poe would. 

I leaned forward and whispered: 

"I dreamt I cut your face off..." I giggled maniacally at the memory. "Oh, and Rey danced around with it on. You know... I never paid much attention to dreams before- they were dumb. But then... I found her. My light in this shit hole life, my Rey. She's going to save me. That's something I always dreamed of... The goddess wielding light as a sword, vanquishing all my fucked off problems. So hey, maybe dreams do come true. Well... For me, anyways. But hey, maybe you dream when you die. Will you let me know?" 

I'd been reaching behind my back as I spoke, into my back pocket and withdrew my big ass pocket knife. I slid it open in front of Poe's face, and then... I finally saw what it looked like for a man to lose his faith, see his sanity explode and his hopes die all at once. 

It was kind of beautiful. 

Tears fell and he slowly shook his head, and then turned his neck to look at Finn, who wasn't far behind us. He never took his eyes off of him, even as I began drifting my finger around Poe's face, mentally drawing an outline.

Something about the look in Poe's eyes made my heart ache. There was something there in his eyes (well, one eye. The other was puffed shut and watery puss was streaming down with the tears) that haunted me. It was like a deeper sorrow for Finn than himself. Heartbreak? I pushed the feeling away quickly. I didn't need to be distracted by whatever was happening. I had a schedule to keep, damn it. 

Rey would want... Waffles? Do I even know how to make those? Maybe she's got some Eggos... And I know she wants some tea. She drinks it every morning. She's so proper. So English. 

I smile, thinking of her in a big English hat, losing myself in thought of her waking up and smiling as I bring her breakfast in bed, like a golden skinned queen of the stars. 

She'll be so happy... Maybe she'll suck my cock. 

And so I began carving away at the broken shell of the man, tied to a broken chair on the floor, smiling as wide as any young man in love would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh... sorry about that.
> 
> anyways, little recap for anyone who doesn't like gore in detail: 
> 
>  
> 
> Ben takes Finn's dead body to the kitchen as well as Poe and ties him up and tortures him.
> 
>  
> 
> Ben is an absolute madman and does some monstrous shit all because he thinks Poe and Finn were like "rey lemme smash" so he did what any insecure, bat shit insane, possessive 17 year old with a record of anger and murder would do: he kills him till he dies and he's dead because he got straight up murdereded by a murdering murderer. 
> 
> He tells Poe about his dream of cutting off his face and Rey dancing around while wearing it and also how Rey is his dream come true, here to save him. It ends with Ben slicing through Poe's face. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hey Rey... Maybe you shouldn't invite weirdos over to your house anymore bb


	8. Where Is My Mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drug binging Hur Dur Rey wakes up and sees what wackadoodle Ben has been up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is in first person POV for Rey

The first thing I feel is how absolutely jacked up my throat feels. 

Holy shit. Feels like I've been hooked up to a vent in a casino and swallowing razors. I tried to clear my throat but it stings too harshly. My mouth is so dry. I feel like I have the greatest hangover ever. Jesus. Opium tea and alcohol weren't the best idea... I need to stop fucking around like that. I could die... 

I try moving my dead weighted body around, trying to relieve the absolute stiffness and aches I'm starting to notice. My brain is all foggy. What the fuck is going on? Didn't something happen last night or did I have another nightmare? I need to stop partying so damn hard, oh my gods.

I lay there for awhile with my eyes squeezed closed. Something fucked up happened... People were screaming. Was I screaming? Was... Was Ben here? I frown. It wasn't a dream, I think. I open my eyes to peak down and look at my body and I'm fucking terrified. 

There's bruises fucking _everywhere_.

My arms, especially my wrists, are covered in big blotches of blue and purple. And my left arm is in a sort of make-shift sling..? Holy shit. Fuck! What the hell?! 

I rip up my shirt and see that the bruises go down to my ribs, my hips, my legs... 

Oh Christ. I'm starting to cry. A little squeak comes out instead of the scream my body wants to cast. I'm shaking. What the fuck? 

My bedroom door opens slowly, and I see Ben. I'm not sure how to react to him just yet. Did he do this to me...? 

He's holding a cutting board with food and a cup of orange juice on it. He's wearing a Black Flag shirt with the sleeves cut off. His arms look huge. His hair is wet. He smiles sheepishly at me. I'm not sure about him so I kind of smile back. Food does sound good. 

"Hi... How're you feeling?" He asks while he sets the cutting board on my nightstand. 

I try to say fine but my dry throat won't let me talk, so I just whisper, "Thirsty."

He nods and hands me the juice, which I just start chugging, some of it spilling down my chin. Tastes funny. I hold it out to him when it's gone. He seems to get the message and hurries down the hall. I start picking the bacon off the plate. I look around while I chew on the basically burnt bacon. Everything looks fine... Hmm. It hurts to swallow.

Ben comes back with juice this time, which I gulp down like a horse. He keeps smiling at me, and puts his hand on my knee. Such a sweetie. I smile back and put my hand over his. 

"Ben?" I whisper. Ugh. This is gonna annoy me. 

"Yes, Rey?"

"What... Happened?"

He stares at me owlishly for a moment and then clears his throat, almost nervously.

"Oh. Uh. Well... Some guys broke into your house, Rey. I got here just in time, they were trying to take advantage of you but I got them. I got them for you. Fucked them up real good, Rey. The police took them away. You'll never see them again, Rey." He squeezed my hand, a little too hard. He was looking into my eyes like he was looking through a window. I just blinked back. 

"Oh.. They did this to me?" I held my arm out wincing in pain and gestured to my bruises and sling. Ben nodded grimly. 

"But don't worry, honey bunny. I got them good."

I smiled. Of course he did. "I bet you did, Benny."

"I'm so sorry, Rey."

I shrugged. Wasn't the first time. 

"I can't even remember it so I'll be okay. Thank you, Benny." 

I leaned forward and gave him a little kiss on the lips. When I pulled away, his eyes were still closed and he was breathing a little heavily. I touched his face, ran my thumb over his cheekbone. He practically melted into it and kissed my palm. 

Such a sweetie. 

"Benny? Will you get me something for pain? It's-" 

But he had already turned to my drawer where I kept everything. Oh. Forgot I'd showed him. 

He looked at the bottles intently, then unscrewed one and fished out two with his long fingers. 

He crawled up the bed next to me, a little slowly and snuggled into my neck. I swung my legs over his hips and he put his arm behind my head. I felt safe. He popped one and chewed it, swallowed and I followed suit. I noticed some cuts on his face, and a few ligjt blue bruises start one to develop. It made me sad. My poor Benny. He protected me. 

We whispered sweet things to eachother, made funny faces. He turned over to grab the food which I fed to both of us. My grogginess faded into being high again. Higher than a Vicoden should have gotten me but whatever. 

We fell asleep holding each other. 

 

•••~•••

 

I woke up a little later and Ben was petting me. My brain was practically soup. All I could do was look at him and smile like a dope. I had the tingles. He smiled back. 

"Rey? What happened to your parents?"

I stopped smiling and looked passed him. 

"They left."

"When? Where did they go?"

"When I was a kid. They left me. My foster dad brought me here. But he died. His friend pays half the rent for me. His friend also happens to be my boss."

I glared at Ben's shoulder. Why did he have to bring up dumb shit? 

"Oh..."

He caressed my ear. 

"I'm so sorry." He started kissing me all over.

Begrudgingly, I let him. I looked off at the markings on my wall while he kissed and touched me softly all over. He kept whispering sorry, like it was something that I cared about. 

It didn't bother me anymore. 

I was fine. 

Everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iM FINE
> 
>  
> 
> okay Ross
> 
>  
> 
> hit me up on Tumblr! @boogerzomaley


	9. Hairspray Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> switches POV
> 
>  
> 
> just a little sweet chapter of them doing stuff

I'm bored of laying around. I haven't left the house in forever... So I ask Ben if he wants to go out tonight. He says yes instantly. I roll out of bed and stumble to the phone, figuring I'll invite Finn and Poe out with us. They're always a hoot. 

But when I call, they don't answer. Must be out causing trouble or running a deal. Oh well. 

I put the local rock station on my stereo and go to the bathroom to shower all the sweat off me, carefully taking off the sling and put on some makeup. Maybe we can find a party to crash. When I open the door to go shuffle through my limited clothes, Ben is standing an inch from the door and I smack right into him and jump back. 

"Jesus, Ben!" I smack his arm and walk passed him. "You scared the piss out of me." 

He follows closely behind me, apologizing. I tell him it's fine as I readjust my towel and pull open my drawer. Acid washed shorts... Okay. Where did my cute tank top go? 

Ben is still standing behind me. He touches my shoulder softly, and trails his fingers down my spine. I shiver. Cold hands. 

"I can't find my shirt... Can I borrow yours? You can borrow one of my bigger shirts."

"Of course. How about that white one you were sleeping in?"

"I mean, sure? It's dirty though..."

He answers quickly. "That's fine. It smells like you."

I just roll my eyes. He's kind of clingy but it's also kind of adorable. Ever the sweetie. I smile. 

"Alright. It's in the bathroom. I'm gonna get changed real quick. Leave the shirt and shut the door, eh?"

He tugs the shirt off and I'm kind of struck by how ripped he is. Six pack, nice pecs... I can't help but run my hand down his chest. Shit. 

"Whoa, look at you, Marky Mark." 

He turns pink all the way to his chest. 

"I uhm... Like to stay in shape." He grunts, looking away. 

I bite my lip and mutter, "No kidding..."

Maybe we can go out a little later... I can't let this hunk of a man go to waste. I drop my towel to the floor and he looks at me, then his eyes wander down and the look he has is something I hope I'll never forget. It's almost... Like love. Definitely more than admiration. Geez. 

He looks back into my eyes and I smile and reach my arms around his shoulders, straining to my tip toes. He kisses me immediately, his hands going right to my ass and he squeezes. Oof. 

I kiss him back, and we stumble towards the bed and he sits down when we reach it. I straddle his hips and hold his face in my hands, ignoring the ache in my arm, as I tear apart from our make out session. His eyes are low as he looks at me and bites his lip. 

"Rey..." He says as his hands glide up and down my small curves slowly. "Rey... I..."

"You what?" I whisper as I stroke his black hair. 

"I... Can we?"

I chuckle. "Can we what? Fuck? Of course, Benny. I didn't get undressed for nothing." 

I kiss him again and he groans. I love that sound; it makes my belly do a flip of excitement. I push him down and touch his chest and run my fingers over the thick cords of muscle in his arms. 

Ugh, fuck. He's certainly not built like a 17 year old boy. This is the body of... a god. Ares, maybe. I'm already wet. I move my hips around and I can feel his hard on. It feels big. Here's to hoping I'm right... 

I unbuckle his belt, slide it out but then I get a wicked idea. 

"Benny, honey, would you lift your arms above and behind you? Yeah, straight out like that. Good boy." 

I lean over him and tie his wrists together and loop the belt around the bed post. He takes the opportunity to quickly kiss and suck on my tits and it makes me moan. I try to concentrate but i think I'll die if I don't fuck him soon. Oh boy. 

When I finish it up, I lean back and crawl off him, dragging his pants and boxers off. His dick springs up, swollen and already dripping with pre cum and-

Jesus _Christ_.

Looks like I was right but... It's huge. Not something I've encountered before. It's okay, Rey. You've got this. I crawl back onto the bed and look up at him to see he's already looking down to me and smiling. He's so handsome. I smile back. Time to show him how it's done. 

I spit into my hand and start to jerk him off slowly. My eyes switch back and forth from the task at hand (heh) and his eyes. He's watching me intensely and biting his lip. I spit on the tip, letting it drip from my lips slowly and and then lean down and swirl my tongue around it, licking down further to the shaft. 

He groans again and slowly starts thrusting his hips, helping me jerk him off more. God, that sound... I wanna see how much I can make him do it. So I wrap my lips around the head of his cock and slowly venture down, slurping and sucking softly, moving my tongue around, coming back to the top and coming up with a lick. 

I look at him and he looks like he's about to lose it. He's panting and staring at me like I'm the greatest thing on the planet. I just smile as I continue to jerk him off. I kiss the tip and he shudders. 

I go back down and try to take all of him in my mouth, gagging and drooling all over his cock. Tears brim my eyes but I keep going and start sucking, minding my teeth, jerking him faster. 

"Holy fuck, Rey... Oh fuck, god damn it, holy shit, Rey. Oh my gods. You're... Oh, Rey... A g-godess. Th-th-thank you." He's panting and whispering, bucking his hips with his eyes squeezed shut. 

My ego is fanned but I haven't even gotten started yet. 

 

•••••

 

Yes. 

Fuck... yes. 

She's finally sucking my cock and it's better than I imagined. Better than those porn bimbos could ever do. Her sweet, pink mouth is wrapped around my cock and she's drooling all over it like a good little slut. Holy fuck. 

I'm not gonna last long. She'll think I'm a total nerd if I cum now... Shit. Uncle Chewie, think of Uncle Chewie. That hairy, weird bastard... Yeah. Okay. Come on Ben. Be a man, don't cum, don't cum... 

I wish I could hold her head while I fucked her face but she used my belt... I can't help but grin as I think of the irony. She doesn't even remember this morning. How I used it on her. She was totally defenceless... So fucking hot... No, no! Don't think about that, think about rain boots? Hoola hoops. Chicken... Noodle... Soup... 

Fuck this. I ripped my wrists out of the belt and grabbed her wet half ponytail, yanking her head off my cock before I came. She looked startled and wiped her mouth off. My head fell back against the bed. Shit. 

She laced her fingers through mine and pulled my hand away. She crawled on top of me and sank down on my cock, stirring her hips in little slow circles. My eyes rolled back so far I thought I'd see the little Kylos of my brain, scrambling in a panic. 

Instead, I saw stars. 

She continued rolling her hips with one hand on my chest and the other circling her clit. She was moaning and sighing, and all I could do was hold her hips and watch her cum. It was so hot, watching her use my body to get off... Like I did to her. 

I waited as long as I could til after her orgasm to cum. I grabbed her ass as she slumped over on me, gasping and legs trembling, her pussy practically gushing, and held her up as I fucked into her, maybe a little violently. Her screams brought me to the edge. I bit into her shoulder as my body jerked, she quickly jumped off my cock as thick, milky ropes shoot onto us both. 

I held her for awhile, caged in my arms as our breathing evened out. I whispered how amazing she was in her hair and she sort of giggled.

"I'd hope so. I used to get paid to be amazing."

She must have felt my arms close tighter around her because she quickly said: 

"Oi, not anymore... Used to! Don't worry." She snuggled up, wet hair tickling my lips, arms spread around my shoulders. She kisses my collar bones. 

It still bothered me.

We aren't going anywhere tonight. 

 

And she wasn't leaving this house, probably ever, again.


	10. Just Like A Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go to a party. just a little fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is longer than the others. hope y'all enjoy the breather.

Rey tickles me and I push her off me, which makes her fall onto the floor. Shit. I jump off the bed and cradle her on the floor. She smacks me and laughs, so I laugh too. 

"God damn Ben! Be careful! I weigh like 119 pounds, you don't have to Hulk me off you!" she says while she snorts. She's so cute when she laughs. I pick her up and place her back on the bed. 

"I wanna go outtttt..." she pouts comically. I just look at her. I can't imagine being around anyone else. I don't want to leave our happy home... But I can't stand the idea of upsetting her. 

"... Where do you wanna go?"

"Oh! Lemme give Kaddy a ring. She's always having a kick back!" Rey grins and hops up. She wiggles into her panties and puts on my shirt and skips out the door. I watch her go and chew on the inside of my cheek. I don't want to do this but... How can I deny her anything? 

I put on my pants and go grab the shirt from the bathroom. She skips in, all types of excited. 

"We're going to Kaddy's! She's having a rager." She winks. "Let me go get my stuff. We'll take my car. This is a good business opportunity, Benny. Maybe we can over charge and get some food after." She says while she runs to her room. 

I follow and lean on the doorframe, watching her pick up bags full of weed, shrooms and assortments of powders as well as bottles and shove then into her backpack. She goes to the kitchen and opens a cabinet, and grabs a big bottle of gin and chugs quite a bit. She offers me the bottle and I take some gulps, grimacing at the flowery taste. Gah, gross.

She gets her keys off the coffee table and I grab my jacket I left hanging over one of the chairs in the kitchen. She looks over, and then stops and cocks her head, looking confused. 

"The hell? Where did my other chair go?"

I take another swallow and look around, pretending to be confused. 

"Oh. The guys and I rumbled out here... It broke. I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you, Rey. I'll make you a new one. I'm sorry." It comes out rushed and she just laughs. 

"It's fine. These chairs are shit anyways. Really old. Don't be sorry, Benny. Build me a whole new kitchen set and we'll call it even." 

I can't tell if she's joking or not. I make a mental note to do it for her anyway. Whatever makes her happy. 

We walk to the car and pull out of the drive way. I put the bottle back in the backpack. She tells me there's tapes in the back seat, so I turn on the domelight and check 'em out: most of them are old bands with different hand writing on almost every tape, and more blank ones. Must be from the thrift store. She's so frugal. I choose a random one and push it in. 

The BeeGees start playing. Gross. My dad loves this shit. I almost eject it, but Rey starts dancing and singing to it, so I sit back and listen. She can't carry a tune for shit, but she's not bad at dancing. She sings to me and I roll my eyes, pretending to be unimpressed by this goddess. I think I love the BeeGees now.

We pull up to the party, and there's cars everywhere. Another rundown house, not far from my own. There's kids outside with the standard red party cups and the front door is wide open. All I can see is that's it's mostly lit in blacklight and packed. They're blasting rap music. 

Oh gods. I don't want to do this shit. 

Rey squeezes my hand when she shuts off the car. 

"Hand me the backpack. Let's drink a little before we go in." 

We drink some more. Gin is gross. I light a cigarette with her car lighter. She's talking about who's all here. I just nod, and look surprised when she takes my cigarette and hits it. I raise an eyebrow; I'd never seen her smoke before. She shrugs and drops her keys in the backpack and gets out, taking my cig with her. I follow closely behind, holding her hand. 

We reach the front door, and she looks back to me and winks. We step through the threshold, and it's too late to turn back. 

A lot of people turn and wave, shout greetings, a few kids run up to her and start asking her if she's got any party favors. She nods and tugs me to the kitchen to set up shop. No one pays me much mind, but Rey introduces me as her boyfriend. I'm fucking floored. 

Boyfriend?! She does love me, I fucking knew it! 

I lean back next to her and smile like a shark at guys who approach her. 

That's right, mother fuckers. I'm her _boyfriend_.

 

•••••

The party is raging and I'm stoked. 

I've made a lot of money so far, too. I've been charging a little extra to the really blitzed kids. 20$ a gram for shit chronic? Suckers. Big boss will be pleased.

I smile and look at Ben. He stands out, big and scary looking. It's prefect because no one wants to argue prices with his arm around me. Good. Having a big puck rock body guard boyfriend already has its benefits. 

Rose and Kaddy run up to us, and we all jump around excited. I haven't seen them in forever. I introduce them to Ben and I don't miss the looks on their faces: a little scared but definitely impressed. I wiggle my eyebrows at them. I know he's hot. 

We giggle and they try to drag me off to the living room, but I turn to Ben and tell him to keep an eye on the products. He nods and tells me he'll handle it for me. Such a sweetie. 

I bring the bottle and guzzle it down with them and we dance to some Biggie Smalls. Ben's shirt is practically a dress on me, so I wore it as such, sans shorts. The girls and I dance together, bumping and grinding. Kaydal hands me a joint. I take two big hits and pass it to Rose. She coughs after one hit and hands it off. We all laugh. She's such a lightweight. 

I look over to Ben at one point and he's cutting up some coke for someone. He glances up to me and smiles. He takes the money, showing me that he's putting it in his jacket's breast pocket. Good boy. I blow him a kiss and keep dancing. 

After making rounds and chatting with a few people, I stumble over to Ben. He hasn't moved from his spot. 

"Making some money for me, honey?" I ask him, sweaty from dancing. It's so fucking muggy in here. I take another swig and hand him the bottle. 

"Mhm. Over charged them like you wanted." He patted his chest. "Can we do some?"

"Of course, baby. Line us up. Or actually, chug that and I'll do it. You've been working hard enough." I graze his cheek with my fingertips and go about my business. 

We take fat lines and drink some more. He wipes his finger over my nose. 

"Had a little there." He says and leans down to kiss me on the lips. My whole body feels like a live wire. I kiss him back, probably a little too passionately for public but whatever. We embrace and kiss harder. My brain feels like sponge and I can barely breathe. 

I break away to do another line and rack him up one as well. I gotta try to do more so I can drive. Ugh. I don't want to stop drinking though. I glance at the clock. Meh, I've got time to fuck around. We can leave when the party dies. If it dies. Kaddy's house is like a 24/7 party house. 

Ben pulls out a cigarette each for us and lights them. I stare at him, kind of blown away at how otherworldly he looks under the blacklight. He almost looks like how I'd imagine the devil would as the smoke blows from his nose and I take the one he's handing me. He smiles down at me and blows a few smoke rings. Cool. 

The rest of the night is spent with me drinking more. Whatever is handed to me, as usual. I cling to Ben and laugh and act like an idiot. He doesn't seem to care. He actually looks like he's having a good time, too. I'm on cloud nine as I grind on him to some rap song I don't know. He just holds my hips and slowly moves his hips against my ass. 

I can't wait to get home. I take another shot with the girls and we leave. Ben offers to drive and we jet back home. I blast Madonna and yell the lyrics out the windows as Ben keeps his hand on my thigh, rubbing with his thumb. His hand dips in between my legs and I close my eyes and bite my lip. 

How did I get so lucky?


	11. Archangel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey make a pit stop at the Solo's residence and find mummy Leia and daddy Han are still awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deddy wud u lik sum susageeeee

I make Rey cum in the front seat with just my fingers. She grabs my hand after and licks up the mess she made. Holy shit, where did she come from? She's seriously a fuckin' dream. I don't wanna wake up. 

But I need to stop by my parents house to pick up some clothes. I can show her my room, maybe fuck her on my bed, and hopefully Han is knocked the fuck out and mom is asleep. 

We cruise on over, and turn off the headlights as we pull in behind Han's stupid Falcon. I hate that fucking car, but apparently Rey is totally enamoured by it. I don't know shit about cars so anything she asks doesn't get much of an answer. She's hovering over it excitedly. The little things that make her happy almost make me jealous I could feel the same way about... anything. 

Well, expect for her. 

I softly shush her and open the door, which is always unlocked, taking her hand as we creep inside. 

The TV is on as always but I don't hear Han snoring. Oh gods. Please let that mean he actually fell asleep in bed, or just died-

"Ben? Is that you?" I hear his grisly baritone and some shuffling from the chair. 

God damn it. 

"Yeah, dad. It's me." I try to push Rey behind me but Han has already set his sights on her. Fuck. 

"And who is this little chicky?" He asks as he smooths his hair and stumbles to stand up. 

Rey steps in front of me and and offers her hand, a big grin on her beautiful face. The blue-ish light shines off of her white teeth. 

"I'm Rey. Ben's girlfriend." 

Han encases his giant hand around hers and I didn't miss his finger stroke the inside of her palm. Han brings her hand up and kisses one of her knuckles.

"Girlfriend, huh? Fuckin' aye, English, too. Nice job, kid. I dated an English girl before your mother, you know. Gotta be careful." He jabs my ribs with his elbow and Rey giggles. "Oh, and she's gorgeous. And what a real Rey of sunshine you are, sweetheart." He winks at her and turns to smirk at me. 

I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest and I know it's not just from the cocaine. My hands are trembling. My teeth grind. I try to breathe through my nose slowly. 

I'm furious. Why is he like this? He's blatantly flirting with her in front of me like a fucking asshole. And there isn't much I can do about it; he'd fuck me up like he used to. And I can't look weak in front of Rey. 

"Well, I would have brought her over sooner but you're usually too... _Tired_ from work." I bite out as evenly as I can. 

Han just looks over to Rey, ignoring me. 

"So, little miss sweet thing, what are you two up to tonight? Little late on a school night to be sneaking aound so late."

"Ben just needed some clothes to come stay over at my place. We just got back from a friend's house."

Wow, she's a nearly flawless liar. I'd almost believe her if she wasn't swaying a bit. But Han knows better. The father of lies and alcoholism can probably smell the booze on her. Probably watering at the mouth at the scent. I roll my eyes. 

"Uh huh. You're buzzed, ain't you? No need to lie to me, honey. Let's have a drink. Ben, go get your clothes. I wanna get to know your little girlfriend better."

I just stand there and stare at them. She smiles and shoos me away. 

"Go on, Benny. I'll be here. I can ask him about that '77 Falcon!"

I trudge up the stairs, turning to look back as Han pours them huge cups of that shitty whiskey. Christ. Maybe if I'm loud enough, I can wake mom up and get the fuck out of here. 

I go into my room and bang shit around, grabbing boxers and shirts. Deodorant. Uh... Maybe some movies. Socks? Yeah, definitely need some socks... I toss it all in a duffle bag and slam my door shut. 

I nearly knock into my mom. 

"Ben? Where have you been? What's going on? It's so late, baby."

She looks so tired. She must have aged a few years since I was last here. But it's only been two days, hasn't it? Times flies when you're dismembering your new girlfriend's friends and making sweet fuckin' love. I grin down at her. 

"My girlfriend's house, ma."

She looks up at me, genuinely confused. 

"Did you say... Girlfriend? But-" Han and Rey's laughing floats up the stairs. My mother looks back to me. "Is that her? With your father?"

"Uh. Yeah. We're trying to leave but she wanted to talk about the Falcon. Really into cars. And you know dad... "

Her eyes narrowed. Yeah. She sure did. 

She fixed her hair and tied her robe as she went around me and down the stairs. I follow closely behind. I hope she wasn't gonna be rude to Rey. It's not her fault she's adorable and my dad's a fucking creep. 

Rey and my dad are laughing, practically hootin' and hollerin'. What the fuck could be so funny? I feel the scowl on my face. Rey's wiping tears from her eyes and smacking her knee while Han has a hand on her shoulder. 

Oh _hell_ no. 

But mom is quicker than I am. 

"Han? Are you drinking with a minor?" Her hips are set and her arms are crossed. My scowl fades into a grin. 

Yeah, that's right. Mama don't take no shit. 

Han rolls his eyes. "Come on now, Leia. How often does Ben bring home a pretty girlfriend for us to meet?" He raises his glass. "It's means for a fucking celebration I think." He finishes his drink in one huge gulp and makes an obnoxious "ahh".

My mother ignores him and walks to Rey. 

"Hi, honey. I'm Leia." And goes right in for a hug. Rey looks as shocked as I do but hugs her back. 

"Hullo, missus Solo. I'm Rey." Another blinding smile. 

"Rey, what lovely name. Welcome to our home. How long have you known Ben? Did you two meet at school?"

"Ah, mom, we gotta get going now. Gonna be so tired for school tomorrow. Come on, babe." I hope to whatever higher being above me feels my awkwardness and grants me this one wish and let's us leave. 

But like I told Snoke as he coughed up blood, there was no god to save me. 

Han grabbed my arm hard and jerked me back as Rey and I were making our way to the door. Well, fuck. 

"Don't be fuckin' rude, kid. Your mom was talking to her."

I rip my arm out of his grasp and take a step toward him. "She can talk to her later. We're tired." I say with my teeth clenched. 

Fuck this. He doesn't know what I'm capable of. He doesn't know what I've done. What I could do to him. What I've dreamt of doing to him.

Rey and Leia almost mirror each other, looking between us both, very stiff. 

But he must get the hint because he looks me up and down as his shoulders hunch a little and he sniffs. 

"Yeah, well... Get this girl home. It's late. And you, little Missy... Keep an eye on him for us. And please, come back anytime. Maybe I'll let you drive the Falcon." He winks at her like the fucking old pervert he is. 

Rey giggles, melting the awkward moment. "Only if you promise!" She shakes Han's hand and gives my mother a hug. "Have a good night, missus Solo. You have a lovely home. Thank you."

I grab her hand and yell goodnight over my shoulder. Rey trips over a shoe so I carry her by her waist as her finger tips and toes graze the floor. She laughs hysterically and it puts me back into a better mood. I don't bother shutting the door. Uncle Luke would be amazed by my control. He said I'd never learn. I scoff. 

I have control. 

I drive my drunken darling back home, blasting Samhain while she mumbles along and eventually passes out, face on the glass. 

That's enough of the outside world for a million years, I think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another little breather before the monkey is out of the bottle


	12. What's Inside A Girl?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben "force" bond over being fuck ups
> 
>  
> 
> Rey POV

Days passed by in a blur. 

 

We didn't do much but watch TV and get high.

With anyone else, I would have been bored to tears for not going outside and seeing people, but with Ben, I felt content. No longer did I feel that hideous gaping hole inside of me that I kept trying to fill with food and drugs and booze and boys and money and just... Stuff. 

I felt happy. More than ever since my parents died. 

But fuck, I missed Poe and Finn. I called their house constantly and they never answered. It was weird. No one else had heard from them either, so we just assumed they were off being love birds in some crazy nut tree. I was still worried, though. 

Ben told me it was probably nothing while we got stoned on the couch and I laid my head in his lap. I looked up and watched him take a hit. He was doing that really cool thing where he let it fog from his mouth and inhale it through his nose. French inhale or something? It was kind of beautiful. I loved his long fingers and pouty lips. 

The TV was playing some sitcom about a fat mom who yelled at her kids and husband, but they were white trash so I could relate. I spaced out on it for awhile while Ben pet my hair and put the joint to my lips. I inhaled without thinking. I guess I did a lot of things without thinking. 

I sat up and reached for the water cup, taking a drink. Ben put his arm around me, always touching me. I liked that. I smiled at him, and he back at me, glassy eyes full of worship. Big old sweetie. I could trust him. He protected me. Kept my money safe. Always asked permission before he did anything. I could open up to him... Maybe I should. I needed to tell someone. He wouldn't judge me... 

I stretched out in my giant sweat pants, arching my back, reaching for the stars. 

"Hey, Ben...?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Can I... uh... Tell you about something? About my.... Parents?"

He sat up a bit, and held my hand. He nodded, always looking so serious. 

"Well, ahh.."

Oh come on, girl. You can tell him. It's weird but not so insane. He won't judge you. He'll understand. 

Right? 

Fuck it. 

"So... Well I was younger, my parents... They... They weren't good people. They sold me. After we moved here. To the colonies. They were drunks, hit me a lot, kind of starved me... and they sold me. I was 12. I had to do a lot of... crazy shit. And..." 

I was so nervous. I shouldn't be telling him this. But I'm already this fucking far. God damn it. God damn it. Fuck. 

"I used to suck dick, kind of like I uh, mentioned the other day and I've sold drugs for a long time and you know, I thought I'd never see my parents again. But... But I did. They came back briefly like nothing had happened. Tried to be normal. But, uh.. Things went back to how they were before and..." I shuddered on my breath. 

Oh for fuck sake. Don't choke up. 

I looked at Ben from the corner of my eye and he was listening and staring at me with such intensity it was making me even more nervous. I rubbed my neck and stood up, Ben following instantly into the kitchen. It looked... Cleaner. Did he clean my kitchen while I slept? How embarrassing... 

I grabbed one of the other many bottles of gin I had and took a big gulp. I looked back to him and his eyes could set me on fire, I knew it. 

"Rey? Tell me what happened..." He put his hand on my shoulder softly. 

"I..." I looked away. Maybe one more drink... I gulped down for a moment. "I killed them. Poisoned them."

Oh. That was easy, actually. 

Finally, my eyes came back to Ben, who just stared at me, his face blank, his mouth slightly open. He probably thinks I'm a fucking nutjob. Oh my gods. What the fuck did I do?! Why did I tell him?! WhatthefuckdidijustdowhatcantithinkbeforeiactohmyfuckinggodsWHY- 

"Rey... It's okay." He grabbed my arms. Oh, I'm shaking.

"It's okay. Don't cry, my love. It's okay. They deserved it. They deserved it all. And I hope it fucking hurt." He grabbed me and smashed me into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around me like a python. I could hardly breath. He was shaking too. Was he crying? I frowned at at the floor. Why the fuck was he crying? 

We stood like that for awhile. Eventually, his gripped lessened and he looked down at me, holding my face. 

"How did you do it?" He whispered. 

I stared into his big dark eyes. I couldn't place the look in them. Anger, sadness... Excitement? No. 

"I... I poisoned them. I put oleander flowers in their tea."

He stroked my face, wiping my tears. He closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. 

"I killed someone. This old guy I was close with... He was the dad I was always wanted: taught me how to fight, he was there for me when no one else was. But he.. Tried to fuck me. And I... Rey, fuck, I just lost it. I bashed him into pieces. He died. And you know what?"

I stared at him and shook my head. What the actual fuck?

"I don't feel a fucking trace of guilt. Because he wronged me. And your parents fucked you over. They deserved it. You hear me? They fucking deserved it."

Then his lips were crushing mine. I could barely understand what he had just said. I kissed him back, tears in my eyes. Fuck it. Guess we were both monsters. 

He pulled away and whispered in my ear, "I love you, Rey. So fucking much."

What?

He picked me up and wrapped me legs around his waist and took me to the couch where he laid me down and ripped my clothes off. He kissed me everywhere. Kept whispering how much he loved me as he spread my legs and started licking my clit. I stared at the ceiling and ran my fingers through his hair, confused. Love? I wasn't sure he meant it... But whatever. Fuck it, right? We were monsters. Together. 

A single tear slide down my cheek as I neared my orgasm, his mouth working my clit perfectly. I shuddered and wrapped my legs around his head, moaning loudly. I circled my hips around and gasped, pulling his hair. Fuck.

How did I get so lucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp


	13. One Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title is from the song One Beat by Sleater Kinney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey heathens, I'm back. 
> 
> work sucks, bitches be crazy trying to crawl through the drive thru window and get all bonkers on me. haha, good ol American minimum wage fun, amiright? 
> 
> aaaaanyhooters... 
> 
> let's check on our damaged kiddos. things can only get better from here, right?

My mind is marathoning a million miles a millisecond. 

Light speed: _engage._

Rey and I are making the sweetest love on the couch. Laying sideways, her in front of me with her leg bent behind my knee as I rub her clit and stroke in and out of her, deep and slow. Our toes are curling and she's crying while we kiss.

I can't believe I finally told her I love her. I can't believe I told her about Snoke. I can't believe I have this ethereal creature in my arms. I can't believe my cock is inside her, feeling her practically soaking wet and panting. I can't believe we're both do perfectly broken for each other. The Mallory to my Mickey Knox.

She looks so beautiful. I knew we were the same. I knew she was a warrior. My Xena. My goddess of justice. My mighty Rey. We're the same, intertwined in this moment of utter bliss. 

I killed her best friends, though. I killed them and I can't tell her. I can never tell her. She wouldn't understand. They had horrible intentions. How could she understand that? She was too close to see... I had to keep her safe.

Fuck, she's so soft. 

Rey moans into my mouth as we slide our tongues tofether and I rub her clit a little faster. I can feel her getting tighter. She's going to cum for me again. Me. No one else. Just me.

I'm gonna get a real job. I'm gonna keep her happy and fed. The bills will always be paid. She'll depend on me. We'll build a family and-

My brain hits pause for a second at the idea.

...A family. Oh, a perfect family. With no fights, no abandonment. Only love and trust and understanding. I could get her pregnant... 

I slow down for a second as she cums on my dick, rolling her hips and arching her back. I sloppily kiss her neck and move my fingers to her taut little tummy. I trace up and down and the thought envelopes me. I start fucking her faster. 

_I should get her fucking pregnant. Right now. I'm gonna fucking cum and swell this sweet little belly with the most beautiful children that have good hearts and everything will be fucking perfect._

I'm fucking her faster and faster, I can feel my orgasm coming just as quickly. Ugh, fuck. I grab her tit with my other hand and bite my lip and groan while she practically scream-moans. 

So fucking beautiful. 

I close my eyes and imagine her pregnant, wearing one of my shirts on her hands and knees. She's sucking my cock while she plays with herself. So horny and happy. Slobbering and gagging. Smiling at me. Tits swollen and aching for me to lick them. 

Sooo.. Fuuu..cking.. Per...fecttt... 

I cum _hard_ while I'm still inside her and keep fucking her through it, even though my dick is so sensitive it's giving me intense chills. 

Holy _fuck._

I slow down and hold her close to me as I gulp in air. She's still crying. I keep my eyes closed and nibble on her ear while I stroke her tummy. 

I sigh happily. 

This is what I've needed. What I've been looking for. I'm going to marry this girl. Maybe keep her chained to the stove. 

I chuckle a little. Okay, not really chained to the oven. That'd be cruel. Jesus. 

Maybe just chained to the couch. 

I nuzzle into her neck and squeeze her until she can't breath. But only for a second. I don't want to hurt her. My darling, my love. I smile. 

"I love you, Rey. You're so beautiful. We're gonna be so happy. I'll do anything you want. Whatever you need. You can depend on me, baby."

She turns her head slowly to look at me, tears still streaming down her cheeks. Silly girl. I wipe the tears away and kiss her nose. 

"Ben... You just came inside of me..."

We stare at each other for a few moments. 

"I know." I look down while I trace my fingers up and down her belly. "You're gonna be a good mama." I look back at her. "Like mine. And so, so much fucking better than yours. I just know it."

She keeps staring at me blankly. 

But finally, she smiles a bit. 

"Thank you. I love you, too."

My heart soars. 

This. 

This is right. 

But even in all my excitement, only for just a split second... 

I see Poe's face, mouth duct taped, covered in sweat and smeared with blood and in agony. His eyes mirrored my face, or what I think might be my face, dark and evil. And then his eyes look to Finn and I can almost see- 

I shake the image. It's fine. 

 

She'll never know. She won't be able to find them. The shed is locked. Poe's face is nailed to the work table in there... Oof. 

Well. She won't find them. How can she when she'll be chained to the couch? 

My smile grows. 

Perfection will always be waiting for me. 

 

And I'd have to be fucking crazy to let it wander too far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus Ben 
> 
> w h y


	14. La La Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> bit of a long chapter, time jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa what 2 updates in one night? *Dennis Reynolds voice* twoooooo updates?! 
> 
> *looks to an empty crowd* you're welcome everyone, thanks for coming! 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm just kidding, thank you for the support!
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title is La La Love You by the Pixies

Well.

 

This isn't what I had planned. Ever. 

I never planned on being pregnant. I didn't think I'd ever want to be a mum. I always jusy figured I'd leave the bloodline as it should have been left generations ago: dead ended, like my life was. Those crazy english gardeners should have died on that island, fucking some sheep. 

But shit happens. Isn't that what Forrest Gump said? Or something stupid about chocolate. Mmph. Chocolate. 

It's been about five and a half months since that night on the couch. Ben hasn't been able to keep his hands (or his dick) to himself. I'm not complaining, though. We have a beautiful little love nest here. 

He says I'm gonna have to stop smoking weed soon, though. I roll my eyes. Says it would make our baby retarded or something. I already quit taking everything else, mostly because the idea of alcohol makes me sick enough to spew chunks. And I do that enough now. Morning sickness refuses to leave me alone, like punishment for being happy. The bastard. Weed helps so Ben can just deal. 

I took a pregnancy test at home a month or so after that fateful night on the couch. The night we showed out ugliness to each other. The night we didn't run from our horrors. 

I made him go into a Rite Aid to buy it while I waited anxiously in the car and when we got home, he wouldn't even leave the bathroom for me to pee on a stick. It was kind of adorable. We cried when it came back positive. He got on his knees and kissed my stomach over and over, kissing lower and lower until he was eating me out and then brought me to the bedroom. He came inside me like he had been doing anyways. Not like I was worried about getting knocked up now. 

All I could think was 'wow.. we're really doing this.. together.' Finally, stability. 

People are still in and out of the house to buy coke and mushrooms. It's nice to see Rose and Kaydel. They stay the night when Ben goes out late and sells on foot. He leaves the car for us, buys us pizzas or Chinese food or Italian food and rents us movies. He's the best. Calls whenever he can, which is often. Always wants to make sure I'm safe. And all the foot rubs a girl could dream of. I can tell the girls are jealous. I gorge myself on pizza smugly. 

He buys me new clothes to accommodate my growing belly. I don't really look pregnant, just more like I have a big beer belly. My breasts are huge now, which I love, but I eat constantly and vomit every afternoon. I feel gross... But Ben tells me I'm glowing and perfect. 

Such a big sweetie. 

We still haven't told his parents about the pregnancy. We've even gone over a bunch of times to visit them. His mom always frets over us, asking if we need money or towels or homemade food that I'm gaga for. I suspect Han knows, but he gives nothing away, as usual. Always jokingly flirting with me. Or maybe that's just how he is. Leia always swats him and calls him a 'scruffy nerf herder scoundrel'. Whatever that means. Han always looks hurt and says, "Who's scruffy!" while he rubs his constant five o'clock shadow. 

They're adorable. 

Ben hates Han. And maybe Han is a little tough on him, but I can tell it's one of those 'tough love for my son' things though. Such a nice dad. I wish my dad had loved me. Fucking prick. 

Leia just loves Ben so much, though. Always calling to check in on us, slipping us 20$ here and there when Han falls asleep. Definitely the kind of mum I want to be, but still, like, hella cool, of course. 

Although... Leia is pretty cool, actually. She loves telling me about how her and Han met in college, fighting the good fight against the fascists. She shows me pictures of her, Han, Chewie, and her brother Luke while I munch on some rice crispy treats she made for us. Ben doesn't touch them. I think he did some blow before we got here. 

Lucky fucker. 

I hold the Polaroid of them standing together, arms around each other, long hair and all big, dopey grins. Bunch of hippies. She still works a government job with politicians. But she's got her free spirit and morals. She's so damn cool. 

Apparently her and Han met when she was young, right out of highschool. He just happened to be at a rally with Luke, Chewie and the famous Old Man Ben Kenobi. That's how she met her own twin brother. They didn't even know they were related. Wild. They were both put up for adoption because their mum had died in child birth and their dad was a loon. I guess Luke is some super hippy who teaches yoga and spiritual growth or some shit now. Leia brags about how much he helped fight against the war. She seems real proud. Even Han speaks highly of him. 

Ben doesn't talk about him though. I don't think he likes him.

He looks anxious while Han sits with his arm around Leia on the couch next to us and Chewie lounges in Han's chair, drinking a beer, laughing along to the stories. He looks stoned. 

Han grunts and chuckles occasionally, drinking heavily, rubbing his stubbly chin. She's in the middle of telling us how she had told him she loved him for the first time while he was getting arrested and all he said was, "I know." 

I snort. How very _Han_. The grumpy bastard. 

He winks at me and I grin. 

Ben is so lucky to have such cool parents. 

But I don't miss the way Chewie looks at Leia, though. His eyes linger too long on her when she talks, drinking his beer absentmindedly, mouth slightly open. His peppered brown hair is long and unbrushed, tied at the nape of his neck. His beard is also long and wild. He's one damn hairy mexican bloke. 

But I know that look. 

It doesn't surprise me- I just can't believe no one else sees it. These Solo men sure are oblivious... Leia knows, though. Her eyes linger, too. Interesting.

Ben clears his throat and holds my hand, and I look up at him, losing my train of thought. He looks serious, raising an eyebrow questioningly at me. Oh boy. We're telling them, I guess. Okay. Okay. I nod and he looks to them. 

"Mom, dad, Chewie. We have something to tell you. Uh..."

They all look to each and then to us, eyebrows raised. Cautious. 

"What is it, Benji?" Leia asks. She looks me up and down, worried. Maybe she knows already. Fuck. 

Ben looks away and blushes. 

Han takes a gulp of his whiskey. "Well spit it out, kid. For fuck sake."

Chewie leans forward, eyes flickering to everyone. Tense. 

Ben rubs the back of his neck and huffs. 

"Well.. Rey is... Pregnant. And I'm getting a full time job to support her. You're gonna be... grandparents."

Han chokes on his drink but Leia stares at Ben for a minute, ignoring Han making a ruckus. I watch a hundred emotions fly across her face until it lands on one, like the wheel in Wheel of Fortune. 

Luckily, it's excitement. 

She starts crying and lunges to hug us both. 

"Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, ohmygodohmygodOH!" She's suffocating us with kisses. Whoa, okay, great. Thank the Maker she's happy.

Ben is laughing and gives me a kiss on the cheek, and then gives his mother one. I look to Chewie and he's smiling slightly, watching Leia squeal and bounce. 

"How far along are you, baby girl?!" She asks as she goes to touch my stomach. 

"Uhm... About five months, I think?" I'm blushing so hard I think my face might be beet red. I've never had a mother type figure before. Let alone one that likes me. I might cry. 

Han wipes his mouth and coughs. Chewie watches him as cautiously as we all do. It's quiet for a minute while he recovers. 

"Well, son of a bitch, kid. Didn't know you had it in you." He staggers up to stand and stumbles to Ben, who stands up quickly, instantly defensive. 

"Han! Watch your mouth. There's ladies present. You scoundrel." Leia says, side eyeing him. He shrugs. 

Han claps Ben hard on the back and pulls him into a too tight hug from the looks of it, seeing as Ben gets the wind practically knocked out of him. 

Ben hugs him back awkwardly. Han grins. 

"Just don't name it after me." And he laughs while he jabs Ben's side. "Do you know if it's a boy or girl or is it still just a genderless little sea monkey alien?"

Ben looks at me hopefully, hands clapped together, full of pride and oddly, giddiness.

"Well, uh. We went to the doctor a few weeks ago and they said we would know on the next visit. Would you..." I look to Leia. "Would you wanna come with us tomorrow?"

Leia squeals and nods quickly, her hands up and shaking. "Yes, baby! Of course! Oh I'm so happy!" She hugs me again, stroking my hair. 

I look over to see Chewie shaking Ben's hand, with his other hand on his shoulder, towering even over Ben. Big fucker. He really looks like a beast. I catch Leia watching them, her hand on her chest, beaming like a light house. 

"Nice job, kid. You did good. Good job, kid, nice." He sounds genuine. 

Ben smiles. "Thanks, Uncle Chewie."

Han disappears while Leia turns and begins asking me a billion questions. He comes back from the garage and hands Chewie and Ben fat cigars. 

"I was keeping these for when you graduated... but fuck it. You probably weren't gonna do that anyways. Smoke up boys, it's a fucking celebration!"

"Han! Language!" Leia scolds him, playfully this time. 

"I'm going to get my GED, dad..." Ben grumbles, agitated. 

"Whatever, kid. Just get a fuckin job and do right by this little babe, okay?" Han says while Chewie lights Ben and his cigars. Han goes to the bar and gets out coffee mugs and pours the bit left of the whiskey into them. 

"Shit... Outta juice. Take me to the liquor store, kid. We're gonna get wasted tonight!"

Ben grumbles and I hand him the keys. He leans down and kisses me on the cheek and runs his fingers across my jaw. I smile and Leia sighs happily. He gives her a kiss on her head, too. 

"Be back soon, love."

The men leave, and Leia turns to me. 

"I have to call my brother over! Ben hasn't seen him in a while... It wasn't good but I'm sure this will make the night complete! Oh, and I have to call Lando!" She squeals as she runs off to the kitchen, and I stuff the rest of the treat in my mouth and grab another. 

 

This went better than I'd thought. 

Thank the fucking Maker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han wasn't a total piece of shit, shocker. 
> 
> Luke is coming. Wonder how Ben feels about that. *shruggles*


	15. Goodbye Yellowbrick Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

The night went... Fine. 

Me and Rey are driving back to the quiet safety of the house, listening to Elton John on the radio, when Rey turns down the volume. 

"Ben? What's up with your uncle, uh..."

"Luke?"

"Yeah. He's kind of weird, right? Like, withdrawn? Er, whatever?"

I can't keep the smirk off my face. 'Withdrawn'... Yeah, more like 'hermit crabby ass prick'. 

"Yeah. He's been like that for a while. His wife died. They were both really spiritual, and he kind of just folded into himself with his weird cult shit. Haven't seen him in a while." I rub my runny nose and see a bit of blood. I casually rub it off on my black jeans. Don't need Rey seeing that. Might freak her out. "He's just a weird guy."

I glace at Rey to see her staring out the window with her eyebrows knitted. Her fingers are woven together over her growing belly. Her lip trembles and I go right into panic mode, quickly putting my hand on her thigh and squeezing. 

"Honey, what's wrong? What's wrong? Oh no, don't cry!"

She sniffles, wiping her tears and places a tear soaked hand over mine. 

"I just... I don't know what I'd do if you died..."

I pull over quickly and put the car in park. I turn to her and hold her face in my hands, running my thumbs under her eyes. She gazes at me with such sadness that it hurts. I grind my teeth. I'm too fucking high for this. 

"I don't want to think about it. I don't want us to worry about things like that. We're young, we're healthy. Throw that thought away, Rey."

She chews the inside of her cheek and looks down, rubbing her belly. 

"You're right." She laughs. "Fucking stupid hormones making me a cry baby."

"Save the crying for the real baby." I murmer as I rub her belly, too. I can feel it squirming around in there. I just wanna hold it already. 

"Okay, well, let's get home. I gotta pee." She huffs. 

I roll my eyes. As per usual. 

 

••••

 

Rey is asleep on the couch and I'm rubbing her feet. I get up to go eat a handful (or three, whatever) of mushrooms and I line up a fat line on the dresser in the bedroom. I hold my nose while I look up at the ceiling. 

We all went to the doctors today. Even Han, but he sat in the waiting room. Good, he would taken up too much space, anyways. 

We're having a boy. I'm gonna be the father of a son. And I'm gonna do it the right fucking way. I almost fainted when the doctor told us. Mom bounced up and down, talking about giving us my old baby clothes and crib, tears of joy like party streamers fell from her eyes. 

Rey just stared at me, looking like she just found out the moon was made of cheese like in Wallace and Grumet. Her smile was so big, all teeth. She cried and laughed. Han let out a "woohoo!" so loud the receptionist jumped out of her seat. We got ice cream after and came home. 

Now I'm staring at the TV, rewatching the movie we rented. 101 Dalmatians. Rey said we should get used to watching kids movies now, because it's going to be our lives for the next 13 years. She's so smart. I pet her hair. 

The shrooms are kicking in. I melt down into the couch and watch Cruela plot to wear puppies. What a fucking psycho bitch. I do a key bump of blow and sip on some gin. So gross. How did she like this stuff?

The movie ends and I start to feel... Strange. I stare at Rey for a while, illuminated by the cyan blue from the TV, counting her freckles. Her skin is warm and tan and looks like it might be made of water. I touch her face and I feel a weird shiver down my spine. Gah. I stare down at her belly that's growing our son. Baking him. Ha ha, like a bun in the oven. Wild. 

Rey stirs around, stretches and grumbles as she cracks one sleepy eye to look at me. She closes it and smiles. 

"What're ya looking at?" She sighs, happily. Her voice is husky and sexy. 

"I'm just... You have a baby in you. My baby. Is this real?"

She nods and slowly opens her eyes after a big stretch that pops her elbows and wrists. Then she stares at me with a puzzled look on her face. Her eyebrows raise. 

"Did you eat some shrooms?"

I nod. Her eyes are hazel but... The green is so green and the brown... Wow, so brown... Rad. 

She chuckles and rolls over, closing her eyes. "Go put on Fantasia. I wanna listen to the Nutcracker."

I get up without thinking, moving on autopilot, drinking my gin as I put the VHS in. I settle back on the couch, feeling like a baked potato. Need more blow. I do another key bump, but I don't notice Rey watching me. 

"Jesus Ben. Are you serious?"

".. What?" I say as I look her, rubbing my nose. 

"You just gonna do all the product? That's our money you're doing. Remember what Scarface said? 'Don't get high on your own supply.' Ugh. I know you're excited but be careful with that." She sounds annoyed. 

I stare down at her. 

Who... Who the fuck does she think she is? "I'm not a child. I'm a man. And I can do whatever the fuck I want." I snap at her. "Don't harsh my fucking mellow, _mom_."

She sits up and glowers at me. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Chill out. Or I'll do it for you."

She stares at me, mouth slightly open. 

"What the fuck? What's your problem? How much blow have you done today?" She's angry. 

But I'm angrier. 

"Mind your fucking business." I grab her face a little harshly. Her eyes grow wide. "Knock off the attitude." I push her face away and run my hand through my hair. Sheesh. What a buzz kill. I guzzle the rest of my drink and get up to make a new one. 

I sit back down with my arm around the back of the couch. I look over and she has her arms around her legs and her chin on her knees, watching the TV blankly. She's tucked into herself, like a turtle. I giggle. She looks at me angrily. I giggle more. She's a laugh riot tonight. 

Then she's in my face, yelling but spacing her words out. 

"DON'T... EVER... DO THAT... AGAIN!"

I feel my face turn into a feirce grimace. I lean forward until we're nose to nose, eye to eye. 

She doesn't back down. 

"Or what?" I whisper. Oh. I'm feeling a little fucking... Feisty. 

She slaps me hard across the face and bares her teeth like a lioness. 

So I do the only logical thing I can: grab her by the hair and burst out laughing in her face. 

 

"Ooooh, you just fucked up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff is over
> 
> confrontational asshole
> 
>  
> 
> I just want everyone to know that I do not condone domestic violence, on either side. don't be hitting each other.


	16. One of My Turns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben loses it. 
> 
> I mean idk if he ever had 'it' to begin with, but

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third person POV bc why not also it's a bit longer
> 
> I'm gonna apologize ahead of time for this. It's 3:43am and I figure that's the only decent time to write something this awful. 
> 
> All the trigger warnings apply for this okay. 
> 
> If it becomes too much, I'm leaving deets at the bottom to sum it up if you're not trying to get all the nitty gritty stuff

Rey scrambled backwards on the couch to escape what she already knew she couldn't escape. After years of living with abusive parents, she knew that once someone became uncorked, there wasn't much she could do but try to prolong it. 

But Ben was set on his war path; there was no going back. 

He grabbed her roughly by the arm and yanked her back to him, his face made of cold, hard stone. Rey shrieked. He barked a laugh. She had no idea what could be funny in a moment like this. She pleaded with him. 

"Ben.. What's wrong with you? What did I do?"

He kept laughing and stood up, yanking her with him to the kitchen. 

"Honey, honey. Do you know what I did?"

She shook her head. 

He smiled. "Haven't seen your buddies around for a long time, huh?"

She stared at him and nodded slowly. 

"Poe and Finn..? N.. No... Do you know where they are? Did you say something? Or do something to them? Fuck, Ben, please tell me..." 

She began sobbing harder and trying to pull away from him, but he clutched her harder and slapped her in the face. She stuttered and held her face where a fiery red hand print grew. 

"Please tell me you didn't do something to them!" 

Her panic was tremendous. She was shaking. 

Ben just smiled down at her. 

"Oh, I didn't do just _something_ , my sweet, pretty girl. I fucking _murdered_ them. I killed them, right here." He nodded to the floor, inches from where they stood. 

She stared at him blankly, still shaking. 

_He... No. He can't be serious... He's fucking with me. Yes. Fibber. He wouldn't do that to me. He's lying. Tooling with me. He didn't. No._

She spoke in a whisper, lips tight. 

"Liar."

He cocked his head slightly, raising his eyebrows. 

"Am I? You don't believe me?" He laughed again. "I'll tell you how I did it. Hell, I'll tell you WHY I did it. Do you wanna know?"

She didn't speak. She wasn't sure. He spoke anyway. 

"Well. Let's see... That first night? I couldn't fucking _stand_ seeing Poe touch you. It disgusted me. I dreamed I cut his face off that night. Remember? I woke up laughing? You danced with his face over yours. It was hilarious." He laughed once again, even harder than before. "I thought about it a lot. And then one morning, very early, I came to see you. You were fucking blitzed. I fucked you, but you don't even remember. And they showed up with donuts and found us. You were being difficult and crying and there was... Let's call it a 'scuffle'. Things might have.. Escalated and... I snapped Finn's neck. He died instantly, lucky fella. Poe... Heh. He wasn't so fucking lucky as his buddy. I knew he was jealous. He just wanted to keep _fucking you_ -" 

Rey began shaking her head frantically, eyes wide, trying with all her might to push him away and run. 

"Don't FUCK with me, Rey! I know you three were a thing! I know it! Don't fucking lie to me! I know you sucked their cocks like the little fucking WHORE you are! Don't lie to me! I know it! So I fucking TORTURED HIM! And oh, baby... Best believe: it. Was. Fucking. Horrible." 

He spit the words like melting acid. 

Rey lashed out at him with her nails, scratching his face and neck, drawing blood with every assault. Screaming like a wild banshee and twisting about to break free from his monstrous grasp. Her battle cries were cut short as Ben clamped a hand over her mouth and grabbed her hair at the base of her skull, pulling back harshly enough to rip a chunk of hair out. 

She kicked at his legs, gasping for air through her nose. She punched and kicked, landing some good blows. But Ben was too high to care, hardly reacting to the pain she bestowed on him. He threw her to the floor hard and kicked her in the head, stunning her. 

She laid on the floor, gasping for air, clutching her head that was lightly bleeding from the small now bald spot he ripped. 

Ben ran to the room and grabbed the the tie from her robe, entering the kitchen in time to see her struggling to get up. 

"And where do you think you're going?" He asked, a little out of breath. 

He ducked down to tie her hands together, tearing them from her head she was cradling in pain, but mostly fear. He made quick work, smiling again as he thought about Poe. He stumbled back and drank from the bottle of gin, chugging. He coughed and sputtered as it dribbled down his chin. 

"I haven't finished telling you what I did to him. Don't you want to know what happened to that player? Your little boyfriend? Hm?" 

He came back and tied the knot tightly. She just shook her head quickly. 

"No. Ben. Please. Stop." 

Each word was choked out between sobs and hiccups. She felt sick enough to vomit as his words. He pouted at her and ran his finger down her nose, almost sweetly. 

"No? But it's funny. You'll love it. So anyways, I tied him to that chair and tried ripping his finger nails off but he kept moving." Ben squared down, close to her face. She turned away but he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. She closed her eyes and he frowned. 

"Don't be fucking annoying, Rey. I'm trying to tell you a story, for fuck sake." He huffed, rolling his eyes and went on. 

"So yeah, then I smashed his hands. Broke his legs." He rolled his hand in a circle. "You know, yadda yadda yadda. Then I razored his face off. Not as _cleanly_ as I'd wanted but it did the job. You know what I did with it?"

She weakly shook her head, eyes still squished shut.

She'd never felt so sick, so heartbroken. It was too much. Beyond insanity. She tried to keep the illusion strong in her head that he was toying with her like a sick bastard. A truly sick, fucked up bastard. Not the sweetie she'd thought. 

He stared at her, trying to gauge her reaction for a minute. Finally: 

"It's nailed in the shed with their bodies, Rey."

He spoke quietly. She shuddered, the urge to vomit making her sweat. Her words came out hardly audible. 

"You're...lying. This isn't real. This is a nightmare. Why are you doing this? This isn't you. You aren't Ben. I don't know you... I DON'T KNOW YOU!"

She tried with all her might to break the rope around her wrists and kicked him in the chest, enough force to make him fall over on his ass, hardly able to even catch himself- he was sloppily wasted. She struggled to get up, running to bedroom before he grabbed her shirt and yanked her back to his chest and he wrapped his arms around her chest, like a boa made of metal. 

It knocked the wind from her. 

"Calm down. Don't upset my son." 

She screamed again, remembering she had a demon inside her. That this dark, evil being had sprouted a seed in her. She thrashed around and he tightened his arm bar. 

"I said _STOP_ , Rey! Knock it off!"

She bit down on his arm and he howled in pain, letting go briefly. She ducked and ran for the room, slamming the door, locking it and bracing herself against it. 

_fuck fuck fuck fuck what do I do what do I do what did I do to deserve this? It was finally good! I was doing good! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc-_

Ben slammed against the door with his shoulder twice. 

"You're a monster!" She yelled at the door. 

He spoke slowly through his teeth. 

"Yes. I am. And if you don't open... This _fucking door_ , Rey, so fucking help me, I will break it down and you will fucking regret every moment of your pathetic FUCKING LIFE, REY! DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU OR MY SON, YOU STUPID BITCH! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

She sobbed and shook her head, bracing harder. 

"Murderous snake! Stay away from me!"

He slammed into the door again, using enough force to make her knock her already aching head into it. 

She screamed in frustration, trying to pry apart her hands in the rope but to no avail. 

Things became quiet outside the door. She stood shaking, trying to listen for any movement but all she heard was heavy breathing. Then she heard him walk away, stumbling into the hallway wall. She waited with baited breath, thinking he might come running to smash the door down but his footsteps died away and she heard a door open and close. 

It was dead silent for minutes. 

Then she heard the door open and close again. His foot steps padded to the door again, and he placed his hand on the door softly. 

"Baby.. I'm sorry. Please... I'm sorry. Please open the door, darling. I don't hurt you. I wanna check your head. Please... Baby..."

She sobbed again, holding her stomach. She leaned away from the door, staring at the lock. She knew she shouldn't. His voice was quivering. He sounded so... remorseful. She shouldn't let him in. She knew. But... 

_But... maybe he's okay again... Maybe... Maybe he was having a bad trip because from the mixture of shrooms and coke... Maybe it was a psychotic breakdown and he was okay now... He must be so stressed with the baby and everything... Maybe... I should..._

Rey shakily reached for the lock, hands still tied tight enough to turn them dark red and swollen, unlocking it cautiously. 

Her whole body trembled uncontrollably as she took a step back, preparing for an attack. She shut her eyes when he turned the knob, opening the door slowly. She exhaled slowly and opened her eyes to see, to her absolute fucking horror, that it wasn't Ben's face she saw. 

But Poe's rotting face, or what was left of it, after Ben had torn it from the nails. The edges were ripped and tattered, the flesh color turning black and molding. 

Laying on top of Ben's, slipping off on the one side he wasn't holding it up. 

Her eyes bugged out of her head and screamed a long, blood curtling scream, covering her face in terror. 

A few maggots fell to the floor. And once the horrendous and overpowering stench of decay hit Rey's nostrils, she instantly vomited on the floor, falling into it as she fainted. 

Ben giggled, kicking her foot with his as he dropped the face mask to the floor. 

"Told you I wasn't a liar." 

He crouched down and stroked her hair, feeling peaceful once more.

"Goodness gracious, my love... Even in your puke, you sleep like an angel, baby."

He untied her wrists gently, rubbing them to help bring back some circulation. He frowned, watching her hands unswell, feeling a little guilty but quickly reminding himself: 'it had to be done'.

Ben picked her up and carried her to the bed, setting her down gently. Slowly taking her shirt off and wiping her face clean of the puke, he removed the rest of her clothes and stared at her for a while. Watching her chest rise and fall, admiring how big her tits had gotten. His gaze wandered to her belly and to his amazement, he saw movement. 

Just a quick roll, but he could have almost cried. 

Ben reached his hand to soothe his son in Rey's ever growing belly and sighed with a near bursting happiness. He smiled and kissed her tummy. 

"Hello, Anakin. Daddy can't wait to see you." He whispered softly, his lips brushing against her belly. There was another small roll. Ben shuddered and kissed it again. 

He unbuttoned his pants, pulling out his hard cock and nudged Rey's legs apart. He spit in his hand and stroked himself, making sure he was lubricated enough. He'd done this plenty of times to know how to not wake her. He slowly pushed in, groaning quietly, his hand on her belly, feeling his son move a bit more. 

He choked a sob. 

"I know, son. I love you and mommy, too. So... Much..."

He grunted as he slowly pumped in and out of her. 

"I think mommy needs some serious bed rest. And daddy's gonna take care of you both. Like a real man..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Ben is fucking insane 
> 
> He slaps Rey around, and reveals what he did to Finn and Poe. Rey runs to the room to hide, but Ben convinces her to finally open the door and Ben is wearing Poe's face like a sick fuck. Then he sleep assaults Rey and has a little heart felt moment with his son, making a quiet promise to take care of Ani and mommy. 
> 
> Hey Rey... Not feeling so lucky now, huh? :/


	17. Don't Laugh, Don't Cry, Just Die.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Switches POV
> 
> TW: blood/violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the fluff die
> 
> Kill it if you have to

Rey had been asleep for a while. It kind of worried me. Okay, I was more than a little worried but I didn't want to wake her up too harshly and she start being a banshee again. Dramatic. Although... Maybe the whole 'Poe's Face' mask thing wasn't very funny. Maybe I'd done some serious damage.... 

I frowned and swatted the idea away. 

Nah. 

She'll be fine. She'll wake up and see that everything is fine. I just needed to blow off some stream or something. Secrets aren't good for relationships anyways. I do feel a lot better without that fuckin burden. I roll back my shoulders, turning my neck, popping it. I lean back into the couch, like butter on a hotcake. 

Oh yeah, _definitely_ better. 

I sigh and glance over at her. Ugh... I think I feel a little bit of guilt as I look down at Rey with the dog collar on that I found in the garage. The hand loop leads to under the couch, tied to the stubby leg. The couch is too heavy for her to lift it and she can't get too far to cut it. She looks terrible, and I just know she's gonna be pissed when she wakes up. I'm starting to get nervous again. Is she gonna hate me? She can't hate me if she loves me, right? 

Right? Right. 

I start getting really nervous so I get up to make her some food. There isn't much to make something worthy of my woman who's baring my son... I guess pizza will have to do. I dial the number, my back to Rey. They're taking forever to answer and my fingers are drumming the dark cherry wooden phone table. I huff. Fucking unprofessional. I roll my eyes, just barely noticing the flash of movement behind me in the reflection of an empty picture frame. What th-? 

**cllthhhunk**

_??? oooww_... Is all I can muster as I watch the floor fall towards my face, then get eaten up by the black popcorn. 

Shit. 

 

••••

Ben hits the floor like a bag of bricks, smacking his face into the carpet. Fucker. 

The bottle broke on his head. I stare at the pieces and pick up a big shard. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I slice down his face, conjuring up blood. He groans but doesn't open his eyes. I hang up the phone to ring the Solo household. I know I should call cops, but I want Han to get to him before any of that. Han can fuck him up better than I could right now. I'm too tired. 

Han answers after a few rings. 

"Solo." He says, sounding bored. 

"Hey.. Uhm, Han..." My voice is quivering. 

"What's wrong? What did he do?" 

He's instantly alert. Scary to know he'd think Ben would do something to me... Am I that blind? 

I stutter and a little sob comes from my lips. I cover my mouth to recover for a second. Han says my name a few times, sounding scared. 

"I just need you to get here, now. And don't say anything to Leia." I take a shuttering breath in. "Please."

"I'll be there soon. I'm bringing Chewie. Are you safe?"

"For now. Just hurry." 

I hang up and stare down at Ben. I'm furious. How could I let this happen? This piece of shit swept me off my feet, brought down my guard, _murdered_ my best friends and got me fucking _pregnant!_ I'm seething. I'm so fucking stupid. How am I gonna take care of a kid on my own? What have I done? 

Han shows up in record time, banging on the door causing Ben to stir. I can't get to the door because of the leash (really? A fucking LEASH? And BB's leash, at that... My dead fucking dog, you BASTARD!) I kick him in the ribs with all my might and he gasps, his eyes flying open, wrapping his arms around himself. Pitiful. 

Han yells for me to open the door, which is locked and I tell him to just break it down. Fuck it. 

He wastes no time. 

He and Chewie burst through the door, knocking it off the hinges looking around wildly. Their eyes settle on me and I can't imagine what they're seeing. Chewie runs to Ben and grabs him by the hair and steps on his stomach, making Ben gasp and cry out, to keep him planted. Han runs to me, looking furious and hoists up the couch to untie the leash. The chain is pad locked to the collar. He huffs angrily. 

"What the actual FUCK is going on! You sick prick, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Han screams as he stomps to Ben and kicks him in the face, stomping down harshly, forcing Chewie to end up pulling a tuft of hair out. Ben yells, covering his face. 

"It's not what it looks like dad! Stop!"

"You're a fucking monster, Ben! This isn't how I raised you! How could you do this! SHE'S PREGNANT, FOR FUCK SAKE!"

Han gets to his knees, grabs the collar of Ben shirt and starts punching him in the face. Blood is already pouring down in a waterfall, drenching Han's fist. It's brutal, the crunching noises and blood are making me sick. I want to puke, but I can't look away. This is what he deserves. I smile a little. Fucking loony fuck. 

Chewie is standing back, his arms crossed. He watches with a snarl on his lips. Ben keeps yelling stop as Han assaults him over and over. Chewie looks to me and steps around them to take me by the hand and tries to ask me something about a hammer. I'm too transfixed on the happenings in front of me to answer. It's like watching my parents die. I hold my tummy as the baby flutters. 

Justice. 

Chewie grabs Han by the shoulder and Han looks up, vicious, like a wild dog. He stops hitting Ben as Chewie crouches down next to him, grabbing his hair. 

"The key." He growls as he holds his hand out. 

Ben is shaking and crying, gushing blood all over his stupid white Misfits shirt. He holds his arm to his face, hiding like the chicken shit bastard he is and fishes shakingly into his pocket, procuring the key. Chewie snatches it and elbows him in the nose. Ben cries harder, snot and drool mixed with tears. 

He looks like a giant toddler, trembling and sobbing. I've never seen anything like it... So I laugh. 

I'm victorious. 

He can't hurt me anymore. 

Chewie unlocks the collar from my neck and I feel like Wonder Woman. I hug him tightly and then I stroll up and spit in Ben's face. 

"You worthless piece of slimey sewer scum shit. You will never, _ever_ see me or MY baby, _EVER_ again. You're fucking dead to me."

He looks at me like I just tore his heart out. His lower lip trembles as he slowly reaches his hand out to my belly. 

"Please... Rey, no, _please..._ That's my son, my baby, you can't jus-"

I lean over in his face, hardly an inch away. 

"I. Hate. You. Ben. Solo. I hope you fucking DIE."

I stomp on his crotch for good measure, once. 

Twice. 

As I go for a third time, he curls into himself, his breath gone, clutching at his dick. He sobs some more but I'm done hearing it. I've gotten what I wanted. I cross my arms and look to Han as he wraps an arm around me. 

"You're coming home with us, kid. That's my grandson in there and I would never turn my back on family. On my real family, anyway."

Han picks up the collar and tosses it from one hand to the other. 

"And as for you, you little fuckin prick." He clasps the collar to Ben's throat and locks it. "You're not going fuckin anywhere."

He and Chewie drag Ben by the leash, making him choke and gasp and trash his legs around, trying to dig his heels into to stop them. They maneuver around, both hoisting the fridge up to drop it on the handle of the leash. They both yank as hard as they can, the leash giving no leeway. They smile to one another. Ben panics trying to yank on the leash himself. 

He can't move anywhere. Good. Maybe he'll die like that. I delight in the idea more than I thought I could ever be happy thinking of someone dying. He's broken me. And now I hope he dies. Jesus. I wipe away my tears. 

I run to my room and grab clothes and soap and my favorite pillow. I'm so happy, even though my body feels broken. I can hear Ben pleading with his father and uncle. They just laugh. This is dark. But I laugh, too, even through my tears. It's over. 

We leave and I don't even spare Ben a glance. He cries out to me but I keep my eyes forward. Don't look. Don't look. It's over. We'll call the police and then I won't ever have to worry about him again. It's okay. I try not cry anymore as I pet my belly. 

It's okay, Rey. I try to breathe easy in the back seat of the Falcon. It's okay. But there's this feeling of dread I can't shake. 

 

What the fuck are we going to tell Leia?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han and Chewie to the rescue! Hellz yeah.


	18. The Lunatic Is On the Grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't going to end how you think  
> POV Rey

The drive back is dead quiet.

We pull into the drive way and Leia is waiting outside with Luke and Lando. I recognize him from the photos she had shown me. They look grim. Han and Chewie help me out of the back seat and Chewie takes my backpack. I don't want to do this but I follow my feet without much thought. 

Leia crushes me into a hug and she's crying. I stand there for a moment, in shock. What does this mean? I slowly being my arms up to hug her back and she pets my hair as she sobs softly into my ear. 

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Rey. I'm so sorry."

I just shrug. I don't know what else to do, what to say. How do you comfort the mother of a monster? 

The men walk inside, speaking gruffly. I see Chewie brush his fingers against Leia's back as he passes by and she shudders, clinging to me tighter. I frown. This whole family is kind of fucked up. 

We stand outside for a few minutes while Leia keeps crying and looking at my face, looking at the damage Ben has laid upon me. She sniffles and her lip trembles when she finally looks me in the eyes, so full of shame. I wonder if she can see into my broken heart. 

 

Hours later and no one has called the police yet. I'm anxious for them to, but they're not in much of a rush. I know he's basically chained to the fridge but I want this over and done with. A tiny part of me is horrified of the cops finding out I'm an illegal immigrant with a house full of drugs. 

Fuck. 

I feel sick. Am I gonna get sent back across the pond..? What if Ben tells the police what I did to my parents? Oh gods. Shit. Shit. Shit. No. They won't believe him. They can't. He murdered three fucking people for Christ sake. 

_that I know of_

I jump off the couch, tossing Leia's hands from my own and sprint to the bathroom at top pregnant speed. I throw the lid up from the toilet and retch. All I can see is Ben wearing Poe's face. Oh my gods oh gods gods gods...

I puke up all the pizza I just ate. The baby rolls in my belly, and I swear I can feel his anger. I cradle my stomach as I slump on the floor and put my head to my knees. I rock back and forth until I hear a light tapping on the bathroom door. It inches open, and I see Luke staring down at me, his eyebrows drawn together. 

"You okay, kid?"

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and nod, breathing hard. Fuck. 

"We need to know what to tell the police, Rey. Just the jist of it all." He grabs the hand towel hanging up behind my head and crouches down next to me, offering it to me. I just stare at it. I don't want to talk about it. Would he even believe me? 

He places a hand on my knee and I jerk away. I don't mean to, I don't want to be rude, I just can't stand the idea of anymore human contact after Leia smothered me and Ben... I feel my lungs shrivel and I and gasp stutter to breathe. 

I can't do this. 

"Please. We just need to know what happened."

I shake my head. 

Luke huffs as he plops to his ass next to me. 

"Breathe. Just... Breathe."

He places a gentle and smooth hand on my shoulder. I bury my face into my hands. It's too much. 

But finally, and I don't know how much times passes, but finally... I tell him. 

Not everything. I don't mention the drugs or my parents. I tell him most everything with my face hidden. He's quiet when I'm done. 

I peak up to his face, expecting him to not even be there, having just left his hand and run the fuck away from this pathetic, fat, broken loon on the floor of a dim bathroom. 

But he's there. And he's horrified. 

He wraps his arm around my shoulder, trying his best to hoist me up. We stumble a bit but make it work. 

He hugs me. 

"Come on. It's time. We need to call the police and finish this."

I nod and reach out to hold his hand and flinch back, gasping a bit. What the fuck?! 

He looks at me, offering a strange, yet sad smile. 

"It's okay. It's kind of weird, still even to me. My father... Well he lobbed it off. It's a long story. Guess psychopathy runs in the family."

I stare down at his wooden hand as we walk out to the living room, my eyes almost bugging out of my head. 

The Skywalker/Solo clan just might literally be the most bats-in-the-belfry fucking insane family in the universe. My heart pounds. 

And I have one growing inside me.


	19. Seed of a Demon, I Come From Hades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a moment more with Rey, and then we check in with Benjamin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm like: "Ben Solo, what will he do next?!"
> 
> And then he starts typing for me: "Whatever the fuck I want."
> 
> And I'm like: "o H"

He's gone. 

After being questioned for fucking hours when I just wanted to eat some dinner and go to sleep, he's fucking gone. _He got away._

Of course he did.

The police took photos of my bruises and cuts. They do a medical exam to check on the baby,and tell me he's okay. At least one thing isn't broken. I can find happiness in that. But only that. 

The police notify us as soon as they get to my house. Han slams the phone down and starts breaking glasses, yelling. Leia cries while Luke holds her. Lando and Chewie just stare at each other. 

I, however, begin to laugh. 

I laugh until my ribs hurt and I pee myself. Tears stream down my eyes and I pull my hair. I laugh and laugh, crumbled into a ball on the living room. I can't see anyone but my brain knows they're staring at me. 

They probably think I've lost my fucking mind, and I have. I've absolutely lost my fucking mind and there isn't a damn thing I can do to save myself. 

No one can save me. 

 

 

••Ben••

 

She left me here. 

I bow my head. 

She left me here. 

Alone. 

After I cried out to her to stay.

After I _begged_ her not to leave. 

She left me here. 

Chained to a fridge, like a dog.

They leave and I sit here for awhile. 

I think about nothing at first.

Just blank as I start to come down.

I begin to sweat and my heart pounds like a double footed bass drum.

But the thoughts trickle into my brain and expand like a broken pipe. 

I know _exactly_ what they're doing:

They're laughing all the way to the house. 

Uncle Chewie and Han help her into the house, carrying her things for her like real fucking gentlemen. 

As soon as they shut the door, Rey takes all of her clothes off and gets to her knees. 

She coos to them as she unbuttons their pants and sucks their fucking cocks. 

She thanks them again and again for saving her from me while they have a fucking sword fight in her mouth. 

Leia bakes some fucking cookies and praises Rey at what a good daughter she is, helping her jerk them off. 

The kid they always wanted but never had. 

The thought stops abruptly and I small my fists into the floor, digging my nails into the flesh of my palms. 

I can't breathe. 

I've never felt this before. 

Rage? Sure. 

But this... 

Is this betrayal? 

Heart break? 

I'm beyond seething. 

Beyond anything.

I feel warmth leaking from my palms. 

I look down to see blood. 

Red. 

I'm nothing but a fucking animal to them. 

A monster. 

I act without thought and turn to start viciously biting and tearing through this bullshit fucking leather that binds me here. 

I'm a monster? 

Hah. 

_She has no fucking idea what a monster I can be._

It takes me some time but I finally wear it down enough to rip it in half with my hands.

Blood drips to the floor as I tear my wounds deeper. 

I don't fucking care anymore. 

I stand up and go to the room, surveying what she took. 

It isn't much and she graciously left behind all the lovely little substances I'll need to get back on track. 

I dump the cocaine onto the dresser and put my face into the tiny mountain, snorting as hard as I can. 

Once. 

Twice. 

Three times. 

My head flies up and I see stars. 

I brush my hair back from my face. 

Pieces stick still, assuming from the blood my "father" produced from me. 

_just like old times_

I smile. 

Oh. But Han will get his. 

They all fucking will. 

But first... I need to make a phone call. 

I stomp to the phone and punch in the numbers. 

Hux answers, sounding bored. 

I get right to the point. 

There isn't much time. 

He's quiet for a long minute after I explain. 

At first he tries to reason with me. I don't care for that. 

I explain the Hell I have intended for him if he refuses. 

He changes his tune faster than even I expected. 

"Okay, okay.. Fuck... Just... Meet me out back of the arcade in 15 minutes....We can roll a bowl first. We're going to need it."

I hang up, strap on my boots and go to snag one of my black hoodies from the closet. 

I stop when I see the old white shirt from that beautiful morning laying in the dirty clothes pile on the floor. 

I pick it up and nuzzle into it. 

I feel warmth. Light. Perfection. 

_Rey_

But then... 

Dark. Fear. Hatred. 

It's too much. 

I bite into it and scream for a long minute. 

I mumble into the shirt, rubbing it on my face. 

"I'm coming for you, baby... You're not taking my son away. And they're not taking you away."

I sigh and toss it to the floor and walk out the door, my back pack full of nice little things for my coming family reunion. 

I skate down the street, feeling the wind blow across my face. 

I rub my numb nose and grind my teeth as I smile. 

I'm consumed by flashes and snapshots of heinous shit I can't stop my brain from creating. 

Blood... 

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood,,,,,, 

blood blood bloodx   
blood bl,ood blood blood blood   
bloooxd blood blood blood blood blooxd blood   
blood ,blood blood ,blood blood   
blood blood blood   
blood blood, blood blood blood  
blood blooxd, blood blood blood ,blood blood  
blood blood blood bloo,d blxood  
blood blood bl,ood  
blood blood blood blood, blood  
blo,odx  
blood blood  
blood blood bloo,d  
blood blood ,blood blood  
blood blood blood   
blood blood  
,,   
blood. 

I'm so excited I might just explode. 

I push faster to the arcade, panting and sweating. 

This is where the fun starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jfc Ben ChompChomp Solo over here 
> 
>  
> 
> Alsoooo...   
> (shameful plug) heeeeey so I'm starting a story that isn't Star Wars related (just an original short horror story) and I'd be super fucking thrilled if y'all could check it out and lemme know how ya like it. 
> 
> Also also, I would love some prompts, Star Wars or whatever. Tyyyyy <3


	20. Alien Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV
> 
>  
> 
> TW: this is fucking grizzly. Seriously. I don't want to give too much away but yeah. I'm sorry.

I arrive to the arcade promptly and Hux is waiting for me by his car. His eyes bug out of his head when he sees me walking to him. 

"What the fuck, Solo!?"

I stop in my tracks and glare at him. For fuck sake. 

"What."

"Uhm... Not look in a mirror lately? You look like you got into a fight with a bag of fucking flour, man..."

I growl at him. A bag of flour? Is he fucking retarded? What does that even mean? I don't have time for this shit. I stomp to him, hovering above him and grab the collar of his shirt and yank towards me, making our noses bump. 

"We have _things_ to do, Hux. So let's get fucking moving."

I shove him away, hard and he looks terrified. I'm learning to love that. It might just be my new favorite thing. 

We get into his tiny black car that's surprisingly nice and sleek for his salary. But I don't care. I have a schedule. I snap my fingers at Hux while he fumbles around the glovebox. I'm breathing hard and I want to get into this while I'm riding high on this wave of adrenaline and coke. 

Hux sneers at me mockingly as he pulls out a glass pipe, burned black at the bottom. He sprinkles some yellow crystals in it and hands it to me. 

I just stare at it, getting black residue on my fingers. Gross. What the fuck is this? 

He huffs and snags it back, bringing it to his lips as he lights his lighter underneath, twisting the stem about. The contents crackle as a disgusting haze is sucked back to his lips. He holds his breath for a moment, then exhales, coughing roughly. The smell is... Burnt toxic chemicals. Fuck. Gross. 

He hands it back to me and I frown. I don't know if I want whatever the fuck this is. 

He twitches a bit, telling me it's 'crystal'. 

"It'll make this easier. Better than cocaine. Swear it."

Impossible, but fuck it. 

I mimic his movements and hold it in for a bit longer than him. I blow it out when my lungs feel like they're turning into ice. I gasp and clutch my chest. 

_hoLY FUCK_

And instantly i feel like I've been electric shocked back into my body for the first time. Fuck. I lick my dry lips. I feel like... Yeah. Way higher than blow. Oh god. I can. I got this. Okay. Fuck. 

I'm panting as I look back at Hux and he grins at me, all yellow teeth. He raises an eyebrow. 

"Told ya."

I clench my jaw and grin at him. I clap him on the back, moving jerkily and we laugh. 

We spend some time going over what I have planned. I smoke all my cigarettes, puffing like a train. I'm losing time though. It's time to go.

"Let's fucking do this!" I shout as we pull away from the arcade alley. I pound on the dashboard and smack my face a few times. I'm ready. I'm amped. I'm fucking PUMPED. 

My babies, my babies, my babies, my babies. 

The sun has set and the streetlights have come on. 

I'm giddy and itchy. My heart pounds out of my chest as we near closer and closer to my house. My leg bounces faster and faster and I keep licking my dry lips. Whew. Okay. It's almost time. Almost time. I sweep my sweaty hand through my hair. I can almost feel her soft skin. It's close. I'm close. 

_she's close_

Hux turns off his headlights and parks a few houses away. He kills the engine and we take another hit and I feel like a fucking rocket being blasted off. I pull up my hood and grab my back pack. We nod to each other, me grinning, and Hux is glass eyed like a doll. Maybe he is one. It's fine. I take off and jump over a fence, going the back way. Hux knows what he needs to do. 

He better not fuck this up for me. 

I hope the fence into my backyard, glad Artoo died years ago so he couldn't sell me out, crouched in the dark with my back against the wall of my backyard porch. I take a deep breath through my nose and wait to hear the doorbell. I'm amazed they can't hear my heart beating slamming into the wall. I carefully slide off my back pack and leave it next to me. 

I peak into the sliding glass door, hidden by the blinds bunched together. I try my best to stay hidden in the darkness. I can barely make out whoes legs I'm looking at in the living room. Han and Leia, obviously. I squint a little harder. Luke? And... Oh for fuck sake. Is that fucking Lando? Asshole... 

I can hear some kind of weird noise coming from the living room and I desperately need to know what it is. 

At that moment, Hux rings the doorbell and I see everyone pause and then a few people move, Leia staying behind. I squint as she bends down to something on the floor. I place my hands around my eyes to see better and it looks like someone-

It's Rey.  
On the floor.  
Shaking. 

**Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god...**

 

Fuck the plan. 

 

I jump up to my feet and slam open the sliding glass door and slam it shut behind me and I stalk two strides right over to Rey. I shove Leia away, making her fall back onto her hands. She screams. But I can't think. I run my hands over Rey's arms and I can't tell but she looks like she crying. 

"What the fuck did you do to her?!" I roar at my mother, who's already crying. 

"Ben! What are you doing here?! Please! Please just leave!" She screams, reaching out to me. 

I pick up Rey, who doesn't seem to be crying anymore. I look at her face, analyzing it. She stares back at me, her already large hazel eyes bigger than usual. She has cuts and bruises on her face... Who... Who...? **who hurt her**

The black popcorn pops into my vision and I have to shake my head violently. Han is screaming at me but he isn't moving. He stays by the door and it takes my brain a moment to realize why. 

Hux has the gun pointed to the back of Han's head and Han surprisingly has his hands up. This makes me happy. He's scared. That makes me elated. Leia is blubbering and Luke, Chewie and Lando are standing with their hands up, eyes darting around. 

But I only look to Rey. I softly brush my fingers across her bruised cheek and I feel so pent up, so angry, so sad, so confused and scared that I don't know what to do for a long while. 

Rey only stares at me. She doesn't look afraid. She looks like a doll, too. Maybe she also isn't real. Maybe none of this is. My eyebrows are knitted and my lip is trembling. My heart hurts. No. This is too much. 

Han breaks my concentration as he shouts at me again and I whip my head up and my nostrils flare. I run at him, and Hux takes a few steps back, aiming instead at the men to the left. 

Han and I fall to the floor, scrapping and punching and tearing at each other. He isn't as tough when I have free range. He yells at me to stop, trying to mostly block my assaults but I just bare my teeth and scream in his face. He stops abruptly, his face turning white with horror and it fucking fuels me. I smile.

Han tries crawling backward, knocking into Hux's legs but that only gives me time to grab for my big knife. I lunge out at Han, my weapon drawn. Han grabs my wrist and we twist around on the floor trying to gain control. 

And for second, just a moment, our eyes met and I saw a very sad, very scared old man. 

And had I been asked in a court of law, I'd swear on my own life that he helped me aim the bowie knife and practically begged me to stab him in the chest several dozen times. 

In that small second, he really did beg me. So I slammed the knife into where I think his heart is and Chewie screams at the top of his lungs, grabbing my mother when she tries to run to us. At least I think that's what's happening. 

I'm not too sure anymore. I feel dreamy. 

I drench myself in the action and carnage. I laughed a little breathelessly at one point because I was happy that finally, _finally_ , my suffering was over.  
No more from daddy.  
Daddy's dead.  
Daddy's gone.  
Daddy can't be disappointed now  
because he's dead. 

I cry a little at some point. I'm not sure why. I stab into his face and yank back on the handle of the blade. I think he died long before I do this, but this made his whole body twitch. This is much more fun than Poe. 

At least daddy could fight. 

I don't really hear the screaming or yelling, so it rips me from my blood soaked wet dream when a shot fires out. I snap my head to see Hux and Chewie fighting for the gun and Lando holding his hand over his stomach. 

Good. Pompous asshole. 

My mother is holding onto Lando, her hand covered in blood, screaming to Chewie. Luke hasn't moved. 

Chewie brings his elbow down on Hux's face and bashes it, breaking something. Hux yells like a baby and slumps to the floor, knocking the front door closed, crying, holding his face. 

Fucking unprofessional. 

I stand up, smearing my daddy's blood across my face, mixing it with mine, hoping I can gather his luck and boldness. I take a step to uncle Chewie. What would Han do? 

"Gimme the gun, Che-" But another shot fires out and I think I lost a rib to the impact. But I don't feel pain yet. I move faster than him and rip the gun from his hands and shoot him in the neck. 

The blood and tendons blow out behind him onto the front door, spraying wildly behind him as he drops to his knees and unto his face. I accidentally kick Chewie's head with my boot as I step over him, hovering over a blood spattered Hux to spit on him. Pussy. 

I turn back to face my mother and she only looks up at me, holding onto Lando who is gasping and looking really pale. She doesn't cry. I hold the gun up and my hand is... Shaking... I look into my mother's deep brown eyes and it's not like Han. 

This is harder. So much harder. 

My hand shakes harder and I slide my finger off the trigger. I can't... I can't do this. 

But my decision is made for me. 

Hux stands up next to me and rips the gun from my hand, shooting my mother in front of my eyes. 

I don't even see where she is hit before I choke slam Hux to the ground and tear my nails down his face. I squeeze tighter on his windpipe and reach behind me blindly, trying to find my knife. 

I grasp it as Hux claws at my wrists, making even more of a mess than need be. I bare my teeth, grinding them and plunge the tip of the knife into one of his eyes, plunging into this skull. The crunch makes my knees a little weak. His hands drop to his sides, and I'm vaguely reminded of Finn.

His eye leaks like a cracked egg. I sniff. It smells weird. I don't think much of it as I lean down and stick my tongue into the slit of his eye, licking into it like cat would milk. 

Oh.. Oh what the fuck. Bleck... I spit the eye jelly back into his face. Gross. I wipe my mouth off and try not to puke. That was disgusting. Jesus. 

I walk back behind the couch into the living room and step over Lando who tries to grab my leg. I stomp on his head until he lets go. I pick up Han's pack of cigarettes from the coffee table and light one between my teeth. I inhale deeply. 

Ah. A weight has been lifted. I can't explain it. 

But a sound catches my attention and I lazily turn my head to the kitchen to see Luke and Rey trying to slowly open the slider. They stop instantly and Luke steps in front of her but our eyes meet and it's like hearing an old love song. 

My heart glows. 

_Rey..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s


	21. My Own Worst Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *In the Jungle starts slowly playing*
> 
> Weeedeedeedeeeeeee

Ben is home.

I watch from afar, almost like watching a movie, as everything turns into the pits of Hell around me. I'm not me anymore. 

There are no words. 

Ben isn't human. He's the devil. I've read about evil, but now I've _seen it._

I sit on the floor, my pajamas still damp from having peed myself in a fit of what I thought might be insanity. That wasn't insanity. How much more can I endure? There's a limit and I think this is it. 

Ben holds me, and I'm the bunny in the teeth of a wolf. I knew not to move, not to breathe. His pupils had taken over his irises, making him look shark like. 

Blood and cocaine cover his face. His hair sticky and wet from sweat. Twitching and shaking. I'd never been so fucking terrified in all my 16 years. Nor as furious. 

He knocked me up, made me meet his loving parents and made me feel like I was a goddess. He loved me. 

Why was I so fucking stupid? 

He murdered my friends. He held me hostage. He hurt me. He chained me up. He didn't love me, he owned me. And I let him. I didn't think enough. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid girl. 

Mum and dad were right to leave me behind. Stupid girl. I deserved this for what I did. 

I covered my ears, curled in a ball with my eyes squished closed as everyone screamed and Ben slaughtered them. 

I didn't even try to help. Didn't try to stop him. 

I didn't do anything but wish Ben was normal and we were at the county fair holding hands and eating corn dogs and getting mustard all over each other's faces while we kissed and laughed and went on the slides on those little blankets, kids around us laughing an-

A shot rang out and I snapped my eyes open. I didn't dare move them from above ankle length, but I watched Lando almost drop to his knees and Leia catch him. 

Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Bloody fuck. Shit. Bullocks. Oh no, oh no, oh no...

Chewie was yelling. 

I covered my eyes when another shot went off. 

Chewie stopped yelling. 

Another shot. 

I began to cry when I heard Leia cry out. 

This is too much. 

Why can't I move? Of all the times I acted without thinking, my survival kept me grounded. Stupid, stupid stupid. 

Another shot. And Ben screamed. 

I grasped my head and screamed. I just want to die. Please let me die. Please. 

Someone grasped my arm and covered my mouth. I looked to see Luke. He looked weird, stone like. He put his finger to lips to make a 'shush' sign and helped me up slowly, looking behind him as he practically carried me to the kitchen in silence. I whimpered quietly. 

Don't speak, no noise. Must be... Quiet... 

But I hear Ben moving around the living room and a loud grunt of pain. 

I put my hand to my mouth to keep my fear trapped inside. My eyes are pouring tears and I can feel a sob trying to rip out of me. I hold my belly and breathe in slowly. It's okay, baby. It's okay. 

Trembling as Luke tries to slide the glass door open quietly but it's old and screeches. 

We freeze. 

My heart is in my throat, begging to be let out and scream bloody fucking murder.

Luke slips in front of me but I look, and I know: 

I'm trapped. 

Ben is a blood soaked god of death with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I can see his emotions frame for frame flip. He lands on a heartfelt smile. 

"Where you going, sugar?" He coos softly to me. My heart clenches. No. 

Luke takes a step towards him but Ben doesn't look away from me. He's as trapped as I am in this... Fucking nightmare. I want to die. Really, truly, die. 

Luke plants his feet and tries to get Ben's attention but our eyes only follow one another. He takes a hit of his cigarette and drops it to the floor, grinding it out with his blood soaked boots. He exhales through his nose and takes a step towards us. Luke tenses and slowly moves his hand behind him, softly pushing me back. I take a step away but I can't tear my eyes from the devil in front of me. 

Ben smiles and holds up his hand to me and I don't move. 

But I think about it. 

Maybe. Maybe it's a fucking dream. What do I know? Maybe he's my fate. My punishment, but maybe my gift. Maybe. 

I look down at his hand and then back to his eyes. 

Maybe... 

But Luke pushes me back through the door, closing it and locking it. I stumble back and catch myself as I fall into the dying grass. What the fuck? 

I see Ben charge Luke, slamming into him like a bull, horns out. They crash to the floor and struggle around. Ben climbs on top of him and says something that makes Luke laugh. 

He's _laughing_? Crazy old fuck... 

Ben smashes Luke's head into the tiled floor until the blood is pooled around him in a halo. 

I can't look away. I can't breathe. 

Ben slowly looks up to me, on my ass in the the square of light in the dark backyard. His lip trembles. He looks down and pulls his hands away from Luke's corpse, and he looks... _scared?_

What the ever living fuck is with this fucking family?!

Ben begins to cry and crawls to the door, unlocking it quickly sliding clumsily through it as he limps over to me. 

Don't move, don't move. 

He crawls until he reaches me and holds me too tightly, sobbing. Time passes and eventually he ends up with his head in my lap and I slowly play with his hair. He whimpers and nuzzles into my thighs, turning to kiss my belly. 

We sit like that until I see light peaking in the horizon. My eyes are wide and I cautiously await the next fit but it doesn't come. We don't move, even with the heavy chill in the air. Tears drop from my eyes as Ben falls asleep in my lap. 

 

I want to die. Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp


	22. A Note From the Braindead Author

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy y'all just a little update on dis atrocity sorry

I don't really know where to go from here at the moment, so the story is on a /tiny/ hiatus. 

I'm going to try to write some little one shots of varying genres and fandoms (okay, mostly Reylo) but this story is close to done and I think a lil side project might help me find the right ending for this. 

1260+ people have read this so far and biiiiiitch that's fucking crazy. I really do appreciate the kudos and comments. Shit makes my literary dick hard.   
Thank you, all of you. 

I'll try to have an ending chapter by Valentine's Day (mfin' hopefully) 

Thank you again! 🖤


	23. Hybrid Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I always thought it would be funny to write my best friend and my boyfriend into a story. I can't wait to tell them. 
> 
> Short and sweet update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> Then TPPOV

Ben wakes up when the sun is almost at the top of the sky. 

He nuzzles into my lap for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut and groans. He reminds me of a kid not wanting to wake up for school. Not that I know much about that. Only what I've seen in the movies, really. 

He stretches out, popping his joints and jumps to his feet too quickly. I jump a little but keep my hands where he can see them. I'm still in danger and I want to be as compliant as possible. He pops his neck, then dips down to pick me up bridal style and carries me off. 

I'm more than thankful that we don't go through the house. I'd lose my shit. He whispers for me to unlock the gate and I do, trying not to shake or show any fear. I have to act normal. Don't piss him off, don't piss him off. 

He walks me down the street to a black car and sets me gently on my feet, unlocks and opens the door, helping me in. He straps my seatbelt and closes the door, walking lazily to the driver side. I have no idea whoes car this is. It stinks like burned chemicals and I almost gag. I think I barely recognize it... 

Oh gods. 

Christ on his throne, it's fucking _meth_. How disgusting. Ben slips in and we drive away without speaking. He softly places his hand that is covered in dried blood on my thigh and I want to vomit and peel my skin off. I wish he would play some music but I keep my lips zipped. I slowly place my hand over his and he sighs, picking it up to kiss my knuckles all over. 

Just fucking kill me already. 

We arrive back at my house and again, he carries me to and through the door bridal style. He even kisses me but I don't kiss him back. I don't have it in me. I just want to sleep. Or die. Mostly die. 

He takes me to the bedroom and helps the back pack off my shoulders. I don't move. He takes me to the bed and takes my clothes off. I don't move. He shrugs and yanks off his clothes, kicking his gore soaked boots off and carrying me to the bathroom. He turns on the shower and leads me in and I watch as the water turns quickly dark brown from the blood. He puts his face under and scrubs with the soap bar I left behind. He cleans up quickly and turns to me, lathering his hands and rubbing them all over my body. 

I can't think about it. The screams or gun shots or crunching sounds. I can't think about what these hands have done to the only people who have shown me love. I'm sick to my stomach but I have to keep it together for a little while. I have to figure it out. God, why hadn't the police shown up? After all the chaos of last night? Useless fucking bobbies. 

Ben is kissing my neck but I've checked out. I can kind of feel his hands tracing down my hips and maybe he's rubbing my clit but I'm locked in my head. I zone out and plot my revenge as Ben bends me over against the wall and fucks me, holding my belly and whispering something I don't care to hear. 

I need to resort to old tactics. 

 

 

••••

 

Leia had watched the fall of loved ones by the hands of her son. She hadn't been able to stop him but she would be able to have him put away forever. 

She crawled over the corpse of Lando, grunting and groaning, trying to keep pressure off the gunshot wound on her hip as she dragged herself to the telephone in the kitchen. She refused to look at her dead brother's body, a few feet away from the phone. 

_Stay strong. Save your tears._

Ben was gone and so Rey but she knew where he'd taken them: back to the love nest. 

She dialed 911 and a bored voice answered. 

"Jakku Police Department. Deputy Lawrence. Sssss'goin' on?"

"H-hello? This is Leia Organa-Solo. There's been... Been a massacre at my home." She sobbed a little. 

Deputy Lawrence's voice changed tune. 

"Give us the address, ma'am. The Sheriff and I will be out as soon as possible."

Leia gave the address and told them to come around the back because a body was blocking the door and hung up, settling in to wait. All she could do was hope Rey was safe. A few tears fell as she relived the night. 

_I hope you die, Benjamin. Just don't hurt her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My new story is up and this is one chapter away from being over


	24. You Make Me Cum, You Make Me Complete, You Make Me Completely Miserable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't decide who to have as POV so here's 3PPOV.
> 
> Ben's thoughts will be in bold and Rey in italics

Almost 30 minutes or so had passed since Leia called the police. They had shown up, all of Jakku PD, and the two in charge were two of the most incompetent police officers Leia had ever known, and she'd known PLENTY because of Han. 

Deputy Lawrence and Sheriff Valleys seemed to think they were "hot shit". They questioned Leia, Deputy Lawrence actually covering his eyes from the bloody scene. Leia could have rolled her eyes at the unprofessionalism. 

"And you say your son... Ben? Is at this address? You're sure?" Valleys asked. He was a short Hispanic man with Buddy Holly glasses and a ridiculous mustache that Lawrence also had, but his was red. They seemed too young to be in such high positions like this, perhaps mid 20's. Is this really the best they had to offer? 

Lawrence scribbled notes onto a pad and turned to speak to a passing officer quietly. Valleys cleared his throat and placed an awkward hand on Leia's shoulder. 

"I'm sorry for, uh... All this. We'll go apprehend him, and this will all be over soon, ma'am." He wrote down a number for her. "This is a... shrink I see. He's good. Please, call him." He turned on his heel then, calling forth some officers to go to the Nima house as he walked to the door. 

He tripped over Hux's body on the way out. He scrambled up, collecting his glasses and blushing intensely. Deputy Lawrence exclaimed loudly:

"Oh, dude, gross! Did you see his eyes! Fuck, man!" And quickly ran out to vomit in the front yard. Valleys laughed and clapped Lawrence on the back. 

"You alright there, bud?" 

Lawrence nodded pathetically as he stood and they jogged to the police car, Valleys sliding across the hood. 

Leia buried her face into her hands, shaking her head. 

Why did they ever settle in fucking Jakku... 

 

Ben had moved Rey from the shower to the living room, bent over the arm of the couch, and he was balls deep into her. He raped her maliciously, but she only grunted from the pain of deep penetration, her teeth bared. Their son turned in her tummy a bit, obviously not so pleased with the roughness. Rey stared at the wall, angry tears falling from her eyes. 

She gripped the cushion. 

_This is what my life is. This is what is, and no one can save me but me. Nobody knows I'm here, being raped and beaten. I'm a prisoner. How long can I keep it together?_

Ben pulled her hair and she cried out. He laughed cruelly and leaned over to bite into her shoulder. 

"Don't. Ever. Leave. Me. Again." His words muffled and punctuated with every hard thrust. 

Rey bite her lip as to not scream as Ben came inside her for the second time. He leaned back and gasped, jerky little thrusts as he dispensed his demon seed into her. He pushed her away and wandered down the hall, running his hand through his hair. He came back a moment later in black jeans, rubbing his nose and sighing. 

"Hungry my little baby mama?" He called over his shoulder as he opened the fridge. She couldn't fathom food but her stomach had been empty for hours and the baby was mad for that. She didn't answer as he microwaved some fish sticks for her anyways. She scarfed them down quickly and pushed the plate away.

"May I have some clothes. I'm cold." She said stiffly. 

He yanked her off the couch and grabbed her chin to make her look him in the eyes. "What's the magic word, mamas?" He asked cooly. 

"... Please." She sighed. He smiled and tapped her face with his palm harshly a few times. "Good girl."

He dragged her to the room and pulled the white tee shirt over her head. She stared at his chest. "Knickers...?" He tutted and crossed his arms. 

She sighed. "please."

"Quit acting like I kicked your fucking dog. And no, you don't any. It'll only get in my way of that sweet little cunt." He smirked. "And that belongs to me. Doesn't it."

She nodded slowly and so did he. "That's right. That's right."

He walked around her to snort up more cocaine. She watched and wished the most vile wishes. 

_I hope you fucking overdose. I fucking hope you die alone. I hope it fucking hurts. I hope it hurts worse then anything. I hope..._

An idea flashed in her mind. She smiled widely. 

_bleach. and rat poison. he wouldn't know the difference... time to go to sleep, Benny._

She walked to him and placed a hand on his back. He turned and snatched it quickly, shooting her a warning shot. 

"Don't."

"I just... I missed you so much, Benny." She let some tears fall. "I just want you to hold me."

Ben smiled down at her like a demon. 

**That's my girl.**

He embraced her and pet her hair softly, inhaling her scent. He sighed and a few tears slid out of his eyes before he shut them and held her tighter. 

**Just like a dream. Heaven. Perfect. Good.**

A knock on the door ripped Ben from his happy place.

He dragged Rey to the living room and sat her down on the couch, covering her with a blanket. 

"Not a word. Hush." He said as he walked to the broken door. 

He came face to face with the two cops. 

"Hello. Benjamin Wan Solo?" asked Valleys. 

"... Yes."

The two cops looked to each other and in unison pulled their guns. A few other police behind them drew their weapons, as well. 

"Hey, you're like, under arrest and stuff." Valleys said, and Lawrence chuckled out, "Yeah. Hella."

Ben turned slowly back to Rey and his face formed into a mask of utter, unadulterated rage. Rey began to laugh, tears falling from her eyes and she covered her mouth. 

_Yes! Oh, yes! Thank the fucking Maker!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more to go, y'all. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also Sheriff Valleys, my boyfriend, and Deputy Lawrence, my best buddy, everyone. 
> 
> smh.


	25. My REM Cycle Needs Some Training Wheels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter before the end bc I wanted to do an extra chapter. he he. 
> 
>  
> 
> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for dragging this out, I got caught up playing KH3. 
> 
> Fuck the Tangled level.

Ben slowly raised his hands up and only peeled his eyes away from me as he fell to his knees at the police officer's request. I clapped my hands together, in a giggle fit. I can't believe it. They finally have him. This is finally over. I wiped away my tears of joy jerkily and covered my mouth as another hysterical giggle ripped through me. 

Finally. Fucking finally. 

The officers grabbed his hands and made quick work of handcuffing him, reading him his rights. One of the officers, the brunette, shoved him down to the floor, his knee in Ben's back. Ben grunted something that clearly pissed off the other red head officer, to which was answered with a:

"Sir, stop resisting! He's resisting!"

And the dorky officer, faster than lightning, ripped out his taser and the prongs caught Ben in the chest. He writhed along on the floor, his body stiff but convulsing madly. All the while, the red head shot Ben right in the face with mace, still yelling that he was resisting. 

Ben's screams made my stomach turn a bit, but I smiled still. He was gasping and crying, sobbing and slobbering like a giant toddler. I grimaced. Ew, god. What did I ever seen in him? 

The rest of the officers came in then, all weapons drawn on Ben's anguish. Three of the bigger officers picked Ben up, each to an arm and leg. His eyes flashed to me a few moments before they cleared him out the door. 

His eyes we're swollen and painfully red, and I could feel every ounce of his anger, annoyance, pain and persistence. He bared his teeth at me, maybe in a threat, maybe in a smile. It didn't matter; I felt my skin pale and my heart turn to ice. 

The devil is real, and he winked at me on his way out my front door. 

The two smaller police men actually high five each other, exhilarated at their 'bomb catch of the day'. My eye brows creased together. These couldn't be real cops. Oh my god. I heard a car door slam, and the engine rev up before driving away with sirens on. 

My excitement for his final capture had decreased majorly. All I felt now was cold, numbness like a comedown. My heart pounded oit of my chest as blue and red lights reflected in my eyes. 

He's gone. 

What do I do? 

 

They took me to the station and asked me questions for hours, and I smoked probably about a dozen cigarettes. I felt a little guilty but I knew that if I ever told my son, he'd understand the small fraction of smoke I needed tonight. The officers were kind, having food brought to me, one even giving me a big cozy blanket. I told them everything, aside from my parents. 

I balled my eyes out when Leia arrived later to bring me to a hotel with her. We locked the door and she hugged me tightly for a long time, both us sobbing. 

Ben's eyes haunted me. 

Everything was ruined now, but Leia assured me that she would help me with the baby, and I could live with her. I smiled through my tears as she pet my hair. I feel asleep eventually, finally feeling safe enough to pass into an actual REM cycle. 

Things were going to change, and I was no longer going to live my life without any thought. I decided to change everything, if not just for me, but for the sake of my unborn son. 

A happy life awaited me somewhere out there.


	26. I Need Your Arms Around Me, I Need to Feel Your Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 years later  
> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter lyrics from Never There by Cake
> 
>  
> 
> I'm a total asshole and while I was writting this (fully intending this to be the last chapter I SWEAR) I realized how fucking long it was becoming so I uh... I'm dividing this into two chapters... I'm sorry, I'm a mess. It's hard to say goodbye to them, and I want everyone to get to know the kiddo and see how Rey's been doing and... Yeah. So now this only has one chapter left I SWEAR. For real this time! One more to go! 😅

Four years had passed since Ben had been arrested. 

Leia and I had moved out of the state, to the east coast, neither of us wanting to relive the horrors or have to repeat any memories. We bought a beautiful home in Rhode Island and I worked as a secretary at a beauty salon while attending night school to get my diploma, planning to attend college and take on mechanical engineering. Leia worked from home and watched Han, spoiling him like crazy. 

Han was a sweet boy. He had dark, curly hair and my hazel eyes. He was so smart, too- already knew how to read, spoke like an adult and loved animals. He asked about his daddy, a lot. I told him he was far away, on another planet, deciding he didn't need to know his true whereabouts just yet. He slept in my bed, even though he had his own room, full of books he loved and toys he didn't care about. His favorite book was Where the Wild Things Are. I adored him madly. 

Ben sent letters everyday to our PO box, something I'd only agreed to so my son could hear from his daddy. I know that sounds fucked up, all things considered, but my son needed a daddy. Even though my therapist, Ms. Maz, strongly detested it and tried to sway me, I just couldn't. 

I knew this was the right thing to do. 

The letters he sent Han (which Ben was furious about his name, attempting to call me nonstop for almost 8 months to change to fucking Anakin) were generally about a page or two long, asking for pictures, detailed drawings of alien foods and spaceships (as per my request he also tell him he was in outer space) and book suggestions. 

The letters he sent _me_ , however, were about a dozen pages long, usually. 

I read a few at first, clinching them to my chest and sobbing at the clumsy scrawl, wishing I could have him back, sane and perfect again. But I had to remind myself constantly that those days were long gone, never coming back. I started to burn the letters he sent to me, not wanting to know anymore about the insane man that still obsessed over me. It was therapeutic to take that control from him, letting him rot in a cell to face his horrific acts all alone. I'd taken up smoking more frequently, popping a pill when I needed one. 

I often woke up from nightmares, covered in sweat, of being chained to a chair, him torturing me and choking me with an invisible power. Other nights, I relived an even more warped version of the night he massacred his own family. I was often a trembling mess those days, popping more than the prescribed dose of anti-anxiety medication, from the blessed Maz. 

But somehow the worst nights were the ones he begged me to stay with him, hugging me tightly to him, crying that he was so sorry. "Please, please." were all he would say. Those were the days I'd have to call out from work and hide under the covers with Han, who would wipe my constant tears. 

Han would tell me, "It's okay, mama. Daddy will come back soon. He'll make your sad go far, far away. He will." Blinding me with his adorable grin, his missing tooth and chubby cheeks, the dimple on his left side indented. I would nod and smile, trying to be strong for him, but the guilt weighed me down like lead on my heart; how much longer could I keep lying to him? 

Leia received a call while I was at work one evening, informing her that Ben had been moved to an asylum where he could seek treatment for his still mostly unidentified psychological illnesses. They would have him under near constant surveillance, and begin medicating him. His letters became shorter over the months, and the longer he was there, peaking my curiosity. 

After I tucked Han in for bed one night, I decided to read his most recent letter with shaking hands. I knew this wasn't a good idea. It wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to my heart, but still I smoothed out the letter and curled up on my loveseat. 

 

_Rey,_

_I've asked nothing from you these passed years in confinement but for pictures of you and my son, but now I'm begging you, and you know how much I hate to beg..._

_Please. Just let me see my son._

_They're gonna let me have visitors here and all I ask is to see Anakin._

_**Please.** _

_I anxiously await your reply._

_Forever yours,_

_Kylo._

 

I stared at the page for what felt like hours, heartbroken tears draining from my soul and down my cheeks. But I was mostly confused. He knew our son's name was Han, yet he insisted on calling him Anakin. I hated the name with a red passion when I learned even more about what Ben's grandfather had done to his wife Padme. It made me sick that he would want to compare our darling boy that monster, the monster Ben praised, idolized. But what struck me the most was his use of Kylo. 

My eyebrows knitted in confusion as I pondered when he'd starting referring to himself as his old gamer name. I wished I'd had the other letters to see what had changed, when he had changed from his incoherent ramblings of obsession to the broken pleas in front of me, mirroring my dreams. I ran my finger over the word 'please', rewritten over and over, enough to almost tear the page. The desperation was evident in the black ink.

Maybe it was cruel to never have never sent him pictures... Maybe I'd been wrong to leave him grasping for nothing, giving him no reasons to try and fix himself. Of course he'd be gone forever, rightfully receiving a double life sentence in prison, but I was the bigger person here. I had a whole new life, reasons to keep going. I hated him but maybe... Maybe by showing him some compassion, I could push him to do right by the people he'd slain and be a good father. 

Maybe it was the right thing to do... 

I chewed my nails down to a stub, staring at the page in my lap. My chest was tight and I was having trouble breathing, nearly hyperventilating in the dark and quiet house, illuminated by the reading lamp. I quickly rummaged through my purse, snatching up my bottle of Xanax. Deciding to fall into old habits and flattening it out under my drivers license, chopping it up silently on the kitchen counter and snorting it. The buzz filled my head and then my veins as I stared ta the ceiling for a moment. 

Ah. Clarity. 

I started pacing slowly while I waited for it to take its full effect, finding myself taking a long swig from one of Leia's white wine bottles. I wiped my mouth off, feeling almost instantly at ease and a little fucked up, chuckingly to myself. Jesus, when did I become such a lightweight? To be fair, I hadn't had even a sip of alcohol since I found out I was pregnant. I snuck a cigarette and lighter from my purse and took the cordless phone and letter out to the back porch. 

When I'd checked the time in the kitchen, it read 8:20pm, which meant that where Ben was, back on the west coast would only be at 5:20pm... Perhaps I could schedule a visit before they closed for the evening... I bit my lip and dialed the numbers, squinting and trying to read Ben's shitty handwriting. A voice answered on the second ring. 

"Corellian Asylum, this is Janet. How can I assist you?"

My voice shook slightly as I blew out smoke and covered my eyes with my palm. I felt ashamed at the tiny glimmer of something I vaguely remembered as possible excitement, pulsing low I'm my Xanax and wine filled tummy. I rubbed my feet together. 

"Y-yes, this is Rey Niima. I'd like to schedule a visiting appointment with Benjamin Solo."

I'm doing this. I'm really doing this. 

 

The visit was set for May 4th, less than two weeks away. Leia was furious when I told her that morning, but I was nursing a cup of tea, my hangover splittinf my skull after I had two big cups more of her wine and a pack of cigarettes before passing out in my clothes next to my baby boy. 

Han was beyond thrilled, rushing to his room to pack nearly all of his things to show his daddy. All of his excitement reminded me why I was doing this, opting not to tell Ms. Maz until we got back. I didn't need to hear her using words like "reckless", "masochistic", "wrong" in a snide tone. This was for Han, I reminded myself continuously as Leia wore into me, crossing her arms and trying not to cry. This is for Han. 

I said it so many times, I nearly believed it myself. 

The girls at the salon cut my hair, and I bought Han and I new outfits. I wanted Ben to see that I was stronger now, an independent and capable woman. No longer an impulsive drug addict that could be blinded by brown eyes and a leather jacket. Certainky no longer a dumb teenager who could fall in love with a monster. No. I was a working, responsible mother now. He would see what he'd been missing, and I'd bring pictures to show what he'd missed. I was determined of that. 

The days slipped by, and I only received one letter from Ben, two days before we would board the plane, three days from when we would see him. 

 

_My dearest archangel,_

_I can not wait._

_Thank you for this, it means everything to me._

_Love,  
Kylo_

 

Enclosed was a small and expertly drawn illustration of a beautifully sleek and black spaceship for Han, titled 'Daddy's Ship's. My eyebrows raised, overtly impressed with his artistry. Han ripped it from my hands and clutched it to his chest as he jumped up and down on his bed, shivering with pure, nearly hysterical joy, his missing tooth and dimple melting my heart. I took two Xanax that night, thinking quietly, _be still, thy beating heart._

 

This was the right thing to do- I was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They be seeing the mighty Benjamin in the next chapter:  
> Daddy meets son  
> Star crossed sadomasochistic lovers reunite  
> Asylum setting in beautiful San Diego  
> (West Coast is the best coast y'all, git gud) 
> 
> What will Ben say? What will Rey say? Lil Han, how you is both a sweetie and a smartie? (like the candies ayoooo) these questions answered in the conclusion of Dismantle Me, posted tomorrow night for y'all. 
> 
> Also, let me know how you feeling on all this?   
> And please, check out some of my other garbage stories! I'm starting yet /another/ new one, probably gonna be posted later today.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me on this one!   
> Your support is amazing and so fucking appreciated!   
> 💖
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr, send me some prompts if you want! @boogerzomaley


	27. Drain the Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LMAO SURPRISE MORE CHAPTERS
> 
> But don't worry about it kids, okay?  
> Just tune in, turn off,   
> drop out, drop in,   
> switch off, switch on,   
> and explode. 
> 
> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this at 2:39AM, and to be totally honest... I've had a thousand ideas on how to end it, but I'm just gonna do what I've been doing since the beginning:
> 
> Make it up as we go, babes.

"I just hope you know what you're doing, Rey." Leia whispered in my ear as she hugged me at the terminal.

She took a step back, her hands set on my shoulders. She had tears falling down her cheeks and all I could manage was a shaky laugh and shrug in response. I had no fucking idea what I was doing, but I wasn't about to take this away from Han. Gods know how many years of resentment that would cause. 

"Grammy, why are you crying?" Han tugged on her slacks, forcing her haunted brown eyes to let me look away. She patted his head and smiled while she wiped her tears. 

"Because I'm going to miss you like crazy, il mio amore!" She picked him and blew raspberries on his cheek, sending him into a laughing fit. I hugged them both and kissed Leia on the cheek after we traded Han.

"Be safe, okay? You have your medication? Photos? Han's books? Don't forget to lay the sleeping bags over the mattress... You know how disgusting those hotel beds are. And don't forget to call me-"

"Check, check, and check." I said as I shouldered my back pack, and Leia gave Han his tiny Pokemon backpack. "Don't worry, I won't forget. I'll call you from the hotel, as well as before and after the appointment... Love you, mum. Wish me luck."

She only smiled. "Love you too, love you both."

"Love you, Grammy!"

She hugged me again, lifting to her tip toes to whisper in my ear one last time.

"I hope he's fucking miserable." 

The venom in her voice reflected in her eyes briefly before she tossled Han's hair and pinched his cheek. It replayed over and over in my head the rest of the day. 

We boarded the plane, and due to my _slight_ fear of heights, I sat Han next to the window. Han set up his crayons and paper in the tray after he'd spent a few hours with his nose on the window, repeating 'we're astronauts like daddy' a million times with a glazed over look in his eyes. 

Luckily I'd taken my medication when left the house, so I was more than patient with him when he'd ran out of room to color. He was fidgeting a lot, picking at his clothes, kicking his feet. I noticed he was gnawing at his lip and running his hand through his hair, a weird trait he'd picked up from the Solo men without having even met them. I took his small hand into mine and kissed his fingers. 

"What's wrong, bub?"

He didn't look me in the eye for a while, but I knew he was running through ways to say it. I asked the stewardess passing for a gin and tonic, glad she didn't bother asking for any ID. My 21st birthday wasn't far off from now, but I noticed most people didn't ask for ID from me. Being so tired must make me look old. I frowned at the back of the seat in front of me, Han's hand still in mine. What if... What if Ben thinks I'm ugly now? 

The stewardess came back with my drink and a lunch menu and I took a large gulp, wishing I could smoke an fucking cigarette to suffocate that stupid intrusive thought out of my fucking head. _Stupid! Fucking stupid, Rey!_ I took another gulp, wincing when the ice hit my teeth. 

Han cleared his throat then, catching my attention, thankfully. He still wouldn't look at me but I gave his hand a reassuring, little squeeze. 

"Mama..." He looked up the ceiling and huffed a little. "What if... What if Daddy doesn't... Like me?"

I stared down at him blankly, utterly confused. 

His cheeks flushed a dark red and his dark little eyebrows knitted. "What if he's not nice? What if he's just a big, mean man... Mama, I'm kind of scared."

My heart had stopped at some point while he spoke, and I felt torn to be honest with him. But what could I really say to an almost 5 year old? We stared at each other while my brain fired off:

_Well, honey... Daddy actually is a big, mean man. He murdered grandpa Han, Uncle Luke, two of grandpa's friends, two of my best friends, his own friend. He raped me and beat me. He wore my best friend's face over his, honey, because he thought it was funny. Because Daddy isn't an astronaut. Daddy is the fucking devil. But don't you worry, baby- he'll love you._

Instead, I kissed his fingers again. "Babe, he's going to love you. He's so sweet. It's going to be okay."

The look in his eyes revealed his doubt, but he only nodded and smiled. 

"Okay, mama." He took the menu and his little pink tongue stuck out the corner of his mouth as he surveyed. "Can I get the chicken strips and garden salad?"

I chuckled at how bizarrely adult he was. "What? No lobster?"

 

We settled into a decently nice motel in San Diego and we ordered some room service before bed. I flipped through channels and put on some old school Scooby Doo after we had both showered and got in our jammies, while I took another xanax and slipped out the door for another cigarette.

I'd been functioning way better than I'd thought I would.

This was only my 9th cigarette since we landed. I stared out at the city on the balcony, my chin rested in my palm. The other two gin and tonics I'd downed on the plane were doing wonders for me right now, but I knew better than to drink anymore. Prescription medication and booze in excess had been giving me headaches all week... The fucker had brought me back to drinking and I hadn't even seen him yet. My body felt calm, and my brain was cloudy, but I knew my dreams would be more likely fucking nightmares than anything. 

I wanted nothing more than for tomorrow to go off without a hitch, and for Han to have a good experience with Ben. That's all I wanted. I was willing to pay whatever price came with that. So long as Han is happy, mama bear will be happy. I flicked my cigarette over the balcony and crept into bed with my sleeping babe, passing out almost instantly.

 

The alarm went off at 10am, and I pulled the pillow over my face and groaned. 

"Mornin', mama." Han called to me, sounding like his mouth was full of food. I lifted the pillow to peek at him with one eye open, and saw he had a plate of pancakes on his lap as he watched The Jetsons. What the... fuck? 

"Where did you get food?"

"Room service."

I placed the pillow back over my face and tried not to laugh. Why is my kid so damn smart? This little bugger should get a job and start paying some fucking rent at this point... 

Eventually I sat up and picked some fruit from his plate and he fed me a few bites of pancake after I'd finally gotten out of bed to start getting dressed. I called Leia and let Han do most of the talking since I was still in a groggy daze, but I snapped a pill and a half anyways, not wanting to feel sober, even for a fucking second. 

Not today. 

I stressed a bit over Han's hair, trying to style it but his curly hair was unruly and stubborn to remain so. Fuck it. I stared into the mirror for a moment on our way out, fixing my eye liner and lipstick quickly. Han was nearly ripping out of his skin with excitement by now, but I had to assess, make sure, that I looked good. That was very important, because I'm a stupid, stupid girl. 

_No... You're a good mother._ Leia's voice reminded me, from our earlier conversation. I sighed and took Han's hand, and hailed a taxi. We arrived almost 20 minutes later, and after getting through security, we crossed the thresh hold of no return. I took a deep breath and followed the doctor into the large windowed room, where we both sat and smoothed Han's hair compulsively. The doc left us there, staring at a clipboard on his way out. Busy guy, I guess... 

There was an ashtray on the table, so I pulled out my pack of smokes, the sound of my lighter flickering was deadened by the sound of a large door closing and being locked. Han jumped up immediately before I could hiss at him to sit his rambunctious ass down and behave, nearly forgetting what we were intinaily doing there in the first place. 

But then my eyes caught a flash of white- and they trailed up the white cloth pants, then shirt, and then long, pale face, and black eyes of the boy (no- _man_ ) who had massacred my entire life. My heart stopped completely as I took in every single part of him... 

He looked _HUGE_. 

Ben was definitely no longer the lanky teenage boy I remembered. His shoulders were broader, his chest looked built, like a brick house, accentuated by the tight white shirt he was wearing. His _arms_ were so sculpted, popping with veins. He'd grown a mustache and goatee, his hair to his shoulders. He was so handsome, it made me sick. My eyes darted all about him, taking in everything I could until I finally stopped at his black eyes, burning holes into mine. 

I had frozen in place, a million emotions running through me all at once and I was dizzy at it all. He himself seemed glued to the spot, not taking his eyes off me until Han had run to him and wrapped his arms around his legs. I snapped back to reality, and yelled without thinking. 

"Han! Stop!"

Ben staggered back a bit and finally tore his eyes from me to look down, and to my utter surprise, smiled ear to ear down at Han. 

He kneeled down and hugged him back- well, tried to. He was in hand and ankle cuffs. Han started crying and chirping, "Daddy! Daddy!" while he jumped up and down, suffocating Ben with tiny kisses. Ben laughed as a few tears fell from his eyes. I sat totally still, feeling as if I were watching a scene from a movie. 

It was all too surreal and I could barely breathe. 

The guard behind Ben nudged him to stand up, and unchained him. He reached down and picked Han up in a tight embrace, Han's face all rosy and beyond words. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding in and smiled a tiny bit; this is why I did this. Just for that look on his angelic face. I absentmindedly wiped a tear that fell down my cheek, and flicked my ashes into the ashtray. 

This is good. This is fine. This is going to be okay. 

 

They finally sat down across from me at the round white table, and Han launched into a million questions about space. Ben finally spoke, and the deep sound made my stomach clench oddly. I relaxed a bit, smoking my cigarette, and smiling while I watched my-our- son tell him all about school. 

He unzipped his backpack and showed him pictures of us at home, on vacation, him at school, as well as the ones he'd drawn on the plane. Ben watched him with rapt attention, following all of his movements and Han's lips when he spoke. He kept whispering into Han's ear randomly, and Han only smiled and nodded. It was sweet, but something felt a little off. 

Maybe I felt a little paranoid still. He obviously was just taking in every moment he could. He's missed nearly five years of his life, for fuck sake. Maybe I was just a little jealous to be out of the loop. 

The guard watching us eventually left to bring us sandwiches for lunch. When he'd returned, Han dug in unashamedly munching away. Ben nor I took any part if it, though. He watched Han eat for a few minutes, and then finally set his black eyes on me, making the hair on my arms stand up. He smiled. 

"Thank you."

I slightly nodded with a small smile and pulled another cigarette out of my pack. He watched me just as he'd watched Han. When I went to reach for the lighter, he raised his hand. 

"Please, let me."

He leaned forward, moving very slowly, probably trying not to startle me. I remained completely still as he picked up the lighter and clicked the flame on for me. I never broke eye contact as I leaned a bit forward to light it. He smiled at me and set the lighter down, returning his hand to stroke Han's dark hair while he continued to scarf down the sandwiches. 

"Smoking now, huh?"

I blew out the smoke and tapped the cigarette against the ashtray.

"Mhm. Trying to quit, though." I don't know why I lied. 

"Can I have one? I don't really get the chance to indulge any more."

I tried to seem nonchalant as I shrugged. "Knock yourself out, Ben."

He continued to watch me as he took one and lit it, blowing away from Han. I could feel him looking all about me, probably trying to mark any differences.

"Any boyfriends I should know about?" He asked suddenly. 

I blanched, my mouth falling open at his not so casual tone. 

"N-no... I... I don't want... That. Ever. Ever again." My voice shook, much to my chagrin. God damn it. Fuck him. 

He looked smuggly triumphant and shrugged. 

"Better not be. I don't want to deal with any bullshit when I get out of here." He mumbled as smoke poured from his nose. 

My face twisted in confusion. "What? Ben, are you serious?" I looked at Han as I whispered a hiss, "You're... You have two life sentences."

My eyes snapped to Ben as he suddenly stood up. 

"Oh, no way?" His face displayed mock shock and then he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fucking well aware. But I think I'm done." He stepped back over the seat, the cigarette caught between his teeth as he grinned at me, quickly morphing into something hideous. 

My eyebrows knitted in confusion, and I was about to ask him what he was talking about before the dread ripped open my chest. He turned to face the guard with his hands up, the guard looking just as confused as I'd just felt. He walked over to Ben, he hand slowly going to the tazer at his hip but Ben was faster. 

He took his cigarette and slammed it into the guard's eye, making him fall to his knees, and as he was about to cry out, Ben smashed his fist into the guard's face. Once, twice, three times... The hits kept coming, too quick for the man to even make a sound. I sat frozen in my seat as Ben began to bash the man's head into the concrete fall, blood splattering everywhere. My jaw dropped open, my eyes bugged out and a scream caught in my throat. 

The sounds echoed in the empty room, wet pounding sounds and I'd completely forgotten that Han was with me, sitting right in front of me, nearly oblivious to the carnage behind him. My eyes fell to him suddenly, and he was looking at me, his little face pale and scared. The sounds cut off suddenly, only to be replaced by the sound of keys jingling. 

And then Han was lifted away, right before my eyes, into the arms of the fucking devil before me. I jumped quickly but Ben only raised his finger to his lips and winked. He motioned for me to come closer and I did, almost as if I was being pulled forward by some invisible force. 

"We're leaving."

My mouth was dry and my heart was pounding so hard I felt like I was about to fall over dead. "No, no! Ben, please! Don't do this. Please! Don't go this way!" I whispered frantically. My eyes filled up with tears, blurring my vision. 

He reached his hand out to me and then grabbed me roughly. 

"Oh, my sweet Archangel. We're beyond begging. Either we all live together, or we all die together. But I'm not doing this without you, not anymore." His grip on my arm was too tight, but his words scared the pain from my brain. 

I heaved a sob, trying instead to reach for Han, who had his face nestled into Ben's throat. Han's eyes ran like a faucet of tears as he looked at me helplessly. 

"Mama... Don't make me leave daddy."

I opened my mouth to say something, not even sure what, when Ben tugged me closer and spoke between his teeth. 

"Get your purse, mamas. We're leaving. Quickly, before someone comes around."

I did as I was told, grabbing Han's things and clutching them to my chest. Ben dragged me along to the door we entered through, unlocking it with the keys he'd taken. I turned to look back at the poor dead man on the floor, noting some brain matter hanging from his cracked open skull. I gagged and looked away as fast as I could as Ben dragged us out the door. 

 

"You couldn't have chosen a more perfect time, babe." Ben grinned, picking up the pace after he'd stopped to look around. "Lunchtime for the receptionist. Could grab a cab, no problem." He chuckled breathlessly and kissed Han's head as he flung the keys to the floor, pushing open the front door. 

The sunlight blinded us all. 

Ben sighed and pulled me into a little group hug and he kissed both of our heads this time. He started walking again, dragging me to a car and pulling out another pair of keys as we approached a black car. Everything was happening so fast. Next thing I knew I was in the drivers seat, Ben holding Han in the passenger seat. He handed me the keys, and I shakily put it in the ignition, driving straight to the hotel. 

Ben kissed Han all over the face and exclaimed 'yes!' loudly, making me flinch. He rolled down the window a shook his head about like a dog, laughing. 

"Anakin, buddy? Do you ever tell your mama how beautiful she is?" Han smiled a little and looked at me, then Ben. He nodded. "Mhm. I always tell mama!"

"That's my boy." Ben sighed happily as he set his hand on my thigh. 

 

What the fuck have I done...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W e l p
> 
>  
> 
> ROADTRIPPPPPP
> 
>  
> 
> also it's now 5:52AM. WHOOPS.


	28. 409 In Your Coffee Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the same named song by Green Day. Look up the lyrics, if you want. It's a good little oldie.

Fucking **FREEDOM**.

I hugged Anakin closer to my chest and nuzzled into his messy hair. Heh, he got that from _me_. He looked almost exactly as I dreamed he would: my hair, my skin color, his mom's gorgeous hazel eyes, and he was sharper than a fuckin' hunting knife. 

Fucking aye, he was perfect... the living, breathing manifestation of Rey and my love. I wish I could squeeze him into myself, and Rey too. That way we could all stay together, forever. Anakin pulled away to look at me and smiled, two of his teeth already missing. I made a funny face at him and he giggled while he used his tiny hands to squish my cheeks together. 

Fuck, this was everything I'd waited for. 

I turned to look at Rey, wanting to show her what we were doing but she only glanced, and then turned her eyes back to the road. I studied her, noticing that her knuckles were white on the steering wheel, her posture pin straight in the seat, her chest heaving quietly. I raised my eyebrow and looked back to Anakin. 

"Geez, what's up mom's butt, huh?"

We snickered together and I reached over to the radio to scan the stations for decent music. Rey flinched a little, and all I could do was roll my eyes. Oh gods, was she really gonna act like this the whole time? So fucking dramatic, as always. Like I'd ever hurt her. 

I stopped scanning the radio when I heard Flock of Seagulls playing, turning it up loud and helping Anakin clap his hands to the beat as I sang with Anakin's fist as my mic and danced with him. I gestured the mic to Rey. 

"Come on, mama! Take it away!"

Rey glanced at Anakin's fist about three different times before she sheepishly leaned over and weakly sang. 

"And I ran... I ran so far away. I just ran, I couldn't get away...." She broke off into a light sob and Anakin reached out to touch Rey's face, concerned. 

"Mama? Why are you crying? You don't like this song?"

Rey sniffled and shook her head. "I... I do, bub. I'm just..." She trailed off and looked at me for a moment when we reached a red light. I raised an eyebrow, daring her to fuck with our happy time. "I'm just... So happy, bub. So happy."

She broke into a weird smile, still shaking. I smiled back at her, and leaned over to give her cheek a kiss and she winced, only a little. Of course she's happy, she just doesn't know how to act around me now. She's clearly missed me. We turned into the hotel parking lot and parked. 

"In and out. Quick, like little bunnies. Gather everything, and then we head North."

Rey nodded quickly, and we walked up the stairs, Anakin scurrying next to me, trying to keep up with his little hand in mine. I took Rey's hand into my other and stroked her with my thumb. We walked into the room and I grimaced at the disarray it was in... 3 years in maximum security prison had sharpened me into keeping tidy, clearly not something Rey had improved on... Gross. I'd need to shake her of that. 

She made quick work of gathering everything into the suitcases and back packs. Anakin used the bathroom for a moment, which I took advantage of to finally get ahold of Rey. I pulled her by the arm into my embrace and took a long moment to sniff her hair; she smelled like cigarettes and apples. 

She shook in my arms, wetting my shirt with her tears. I made her wrap her arms around me, and then took her chin between my thumb and pointer finger, making her look me in the eye. Her lip trembled as her eyes searched mine. 

"I finally have you back, baby. I've been thinking about you nonstop. You and Anakin are the only things that hold any meaning in my brain anymore. Nothing made sense without you."

I ducked my head to softly kiss her pretty lips, sighing as she reluctantly kissed me back, pushing into the kiss. I opened my mouth a bit to trace her bottom lip with my tongue, and a tiny little kitten moan escaped her and it made my cock twitch, quickly pumping with blood, making me tense for a second. 

_Fuuuuuck..._

I growled and my hand wrapped around her waist tightly, pulling her closing as I bit down on her lip. She squeeked in surprise and it only made my blood run even hotter. I could just fucking crush her, fuck her right in half on this bed. Tear her clothes off and sink my fucking teeth into her soft fucking skin and show her how much I'd missed being inside her perfect little fucking cunt. I would-

The door to the bathroom opened suddenly and Anakin gasped. 

"Aww!"

He ran over and wrapped his little arms around our legs, beaming up at us. Rey dropped her arms from me kneeled down, giving him a bone crushing hug. He gasped again, trying to breath. She began to cry, really starting to lose it, so I took the opportunity to readjust my erection, then hoisted her off of him. 

"Come on, mama. We gotta go. You have money? Or do I need to find some?"

Rey's eyes bugged, and she shook her head. "No, no! I.. I have plenty of money!" She wiped her tears quickly and put on another weird smile. She took Anakin's hand, and I the other, and we left the hotel, speeding down the highway, heading north. When we'd been driving for over 3 hours, ending up somewhere called San Bernardino, I had her pull off to get some food and find me some clothes. 

 

Anakin had definitely gotten his mother's wicked appetite... I watched, mesmerized, with a half chewed bite of taco in my mouth at his steady gorging. Rey was a mirror of him, chowing down, just as I'd remembered. Always ate so sloppy- it was kind of endearing. I smiled as I watched them, taking a drink of the first soda I'd had in almost 2 years. 

Bleck! Was Sprite always this... This fucking _crispy?!_ Shit! 

Anakin laughed at my contorted face, then laughed even harder when I burped super loud. He used a napkin to cover his mouth as he finished chewing and swallowing his big bite. No doubt, something my mom had instilled in him. His face become serious. 

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"That man was..." He looked around and leaned towards me to whisper. "That man was a bad alien, right? That's why you did that?"

I nodded gravely. "Yes, son. He was a bad alien. That's why I told you not to look when I got up. I had to take him down so I could be free with you and mommy." I glanced at Rey and she had slowed down on her chewing, staring with empty eyes at the table. "But now everything is okay." I gave him two thumbs up. 

He nodded and went back into eating. I took Rey's hand that rested on the table into mine, bringing it up to kiss her knuckles. She smiled, still looking glazed over. It was a look I'd seen too many times to not be keen to it. I narrowed my eyes a bit. She was fucked up. Must be those pills she keeps taking... Hmm. Interesting. 

After we finished dinner and stopped at a Salvation Army to get me clothes, (Anakin picked them out, all black. My heart soared a little... He knew his daddy so well.), I decided to drive instead, seeing as Rey was about to fall asleep standing. We drove further north for about 45 minutes until we reached an empty desert town, finding a shitty little motel to stay at for the night. 

I took Rey's purse and fished around for her wallet, my fingers brushing the huge bottle of pills. I took it out to inspect the label under the car's dome light, seeing the word XANAX. Of course... Still my little dope head Rey. I chuckled and took one out for myself, swallowing it dry. I placed it back in her purse, and woke them up to go check in, carrying Anakin in hip as his head rest on my shoulder, Rey practically stumbling over but clinging to me to try and keep level even though her eyes were all but shut. 

The room was disgusting. 

I'd gotten just one king sized bed, so we could all sleep together. Rey face planted onto the bed, and I set my sleeping boy next to her carefully, admiring his adorable little face for a second before I jogged back to get their things. I hide the keys under the mattress, in case Rey decided to try and run while I was still asleep. I dead bolted the door, glad we'd paid cash so they couldn't track where we had went. I'd need to find a new car to take in the morning... Ugh. I took Anakin's little converse off and pulled the blanket up over him. 

I rubbed my eyes and snatched a cigarette from my new pack, giddily excited to have back my favorite old habit back. I sat in a chair and stretched out, popping my tired joints. I burned through three cigarettes, feeling the familiarity of a buzz kicking in from the Xanax. I smiled and just watched them sleep a long while; Anakin asleep with his arm over his eyes, Rey looking more like she did when she'd get too trashed back in the day, snoring, still face down. I could only chuckle, so content to have my family. Eventually my own eyes began to droop. 

What a day. 

I snuffed out my sixth cigarette, and turned off the lamp next to me. The room was illuminated by the tv, playing some cartoon about a boy and a laboratory I'd never seen. I stared at Rey's passed out body, combing down her back to her kind of big butt. She'd gained some weight since we'd last seen each other. I liked it. I licked my lips as I felt my cock begun to twitch back to life, wondering how all the new plumpness would feel in my hands. 

My hand slowly rubbed on my swelling cock, and I bit my lip. I should undress her for bed... Yeah. Maybr take a peak at what motherhood as done to her. 

I swayed up, feeling warm and fuzzy. I crossed the room quietly to her and took her shoes off, then her socks. I sniffed her foot, and even though it was sweaty, I gave it a tiny kiss. My hands trailed up her legs to her ass, giving it a firm squeeze and groaned a little at the nice handful it'd become. Fuck. 

I turned her over slowly, unbuttoning her pants and pulling them off of her, smiling at her light blue panties. The thrill of being able to do whatever I wanted with her sleeping body made me excited, but mostly nostalgic. I crawled up a little to sniff at her crotch and salivated. Fuck, how I missed the scent of her... I pulled them down, admiring the trimmed chestnut hair before spreading her legs a bit to open her pussy up to my mouth. I took a big lick and groaned louder, grinning before I went to slobbering on her clit, sucking loudly and flicking it with my tongue. 

Just like old times, baby. 

I pushed two fingers into her hot cunt, biting my lip as my eyes rolled a little at how wet I'd made her. Her body knew how to react, knew it belonged to me. God damn right. I pumped my fingers into her slowly, trying to stretch her out for me and lifted her shirt to see to my absolute glee that she still didn't wear a bra. Good little slut. I playing with her nipples. 

I pulled my fingers out, unbuttoning my pants and smearing her slick over my cock as I jerked it for a moment, angling her legs to gain entrance. I slide right in, getting light headed from how fucking _perfect_ she still was, even after all this time. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

I slid in and out of her slowly, trying to enjoy every bit of it as I could, but I knew I wouldn't last long... I pumped more quickly into her, making the bed rock. Suddenly Anakin turned over in his sleep and I froze, actually scared I'd woken him up. But he continued to sleep, and I continued to pump into his sleeping mother, watch her (much bigger than before) tits bounce up and down. Her face remained passive, completely unconscious. Good. 

I could feel I was about to cum, the heat building in my spine, making my cock pulse as I spilled my cum into her dripping cunt. I rested my sweaty head on her chest, catching my breath and smiling with my eyes closed. Just like the old days... 

I opened my eyes to stare at Anakin, reaching a shaking hand over to brush his hair from his forehead, almost crying at how beautiful he was. 

Eventually I pulled out from Rey, placing her panties back on her, pulling her shirt down. I washed my face in the sink, staring up at a shadow I could barley make out in the light fixture. What the...?

I reached over it, my fingers finding the hidden treasure placed above. I pulled it down, unwrapping the toilet paper from around it and staring down at something I hadn't seen in _years._

A blackened glass pipe with a small baggie of crystal meth gazed back at me, and I smiled, petting it with my fingers. 

 

Ohhh. Now we can really have some fucking fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not condone the use of crystal meth or sexually assaulting drugged people. But Ben gonna be Ben, I guess. 
> 
> Old habits never really die. 
> 
> Let me know what y'all think!


	29. Bad Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short segway before the stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhm hey sorry y'all, it's been a minute.   
> seroquel is a hell of a sedative, I tell you huwat lol   
> anyways fuck a chapter count, how y'all doin tonight?

Something was stroking my face. It was warm, and soft. Maybe a hand, but it was way too big to be Han's. I learned into it anyways, trying to chase the alien feeling of affection. The hand cupped my cheek, then ran some fingers through my hair and I sighed a little. 

A deep voice hummed a tune. 

I struggled to move closer, but the feeling of a ton of bricks was laying on top of me, moving softly between my legs. It didn't matter much to me in this dream, though. I was too content to feel this touch I was getting. The hand on my cheek moved away and I huffed in annoyance. 

The sound of a lighter clicked and I smelled smoke. Weird. But this was just a dream. Weird things happen in dreams all the time. The fingers in my hair continued running lightly, making me feel like I was falling into sleep again, until the deep voice of the devil sank my heart and snapped me back into reality. 

"You grew your hair out. I like it." He whispered. 

My eyes flew open in blanch terror. 

_No!_

Ben was laying on top of me, his face a few inches from mine and his black eyes were looking back at me blankly. The cat had caught the canary. 

I instantly tried to get the fuck away from him, thrashing and kicking to no avail. His fingers locked into place painfully at the back of my scalp. I opened my mouth to scream but his other hand was over my mouth in a second, the cigarette between his fingers dangerously close to my eye. 

" _Shut up_. Anakin is still asleep." He hissed. 

My eyes frantically darted around until I saw Han curled into a ball and sleeping quietly next to us. Tears blurred my vision and my lip trembled as I looked at him. 

Fuck. Oh fuck. What have I done? 

"Are you gonna be good, or should I gag you?"

I slowly looked back to him and nodded quickly. 

"Is that a yes, you'll be good? Or yes, I should gag you?"

"I'll be good." I muttered against his hand and he smiled. 

He moved his hand away slowly while eyeing me suspiciously, taking a hit from the cigarette. My heart patterned against my rib cage as we stared at eachother. What I wouldn't give for a xanax... He blew the smoke into my face and smiled again, cruelly. It burned my eyes a little. 

My brain was too far behind to catch up now. 

His fingers stroked my cheek again, and his eyes trailed from my own eyes as his fingers trailed down to my neck, to my shoulders when I suddenly realized I was only in my underwear and my lip trembled harder. What have I done? Why did I let this happen? 

Goosebumps grew from his ghost like touch and his eyes flicked up to mine again. 

"Do you have any fucking idea how much I've missed you? Your soft skin... Your warmth..." His eyes closed and he grit his teeth. "Your scent... Your body?" 

He began to thrust against me again, rubbing his erection between my legs. Tears feel as my brain caught up to the situation unfolding and the danger of what was about to come. 

I kept completely still as his eyes flickered open again, penetrating right through me while he took another drag, then offered it to me. I slowly wrapped my lips around it, inhailing deeply. I blew the smoke away from him, quivering harshly under his blank gaze. 

"You knew... You're so _fucking_ ridiculous." He spat in my face, making me flinch and want to cry even harder. "You act like I'm going to fuckin hurt you. As if I've _ever_ hurt you, Rey." He grimaced and pulled my hair harder. 

I gasped a little while my eyebrows drew together, terrified and confused. 

What...? He... He had to be fucking with me. He couldn't be serious...

We stared in since again. He broke it first. 

"The silent treat, hmm? Maybe I _should_ hurt you. Maybe I should _show you_ what it means for me to hurt you." His voice hiked up bit by bit as he spoke between his teeth. 

I began to shake my head but the fingers in my hair covered my mouth as he extinguished the cigarette into the side of my neck. 

I yelped in pain, smothered by his huge palm and cried helplessly as I felt the skin blister and pucker at the burn site. The pain was sharp, shooting throughout my entire body. I tried to bite at his hand, which only earned me a hard smack to the face. I cried harder, muffled still by his palm. 

"See, now _this_ is what I didn't want to have to do but you're still a little fucking brat, dramatic as always." He lifted his weight off of me as he leaned over into my purse. He pulled out my big fat bottle of xanax and shook them lightly. 

"Now open up, my little dope fiend. Daddy misses his little train wreck." He whispered as his popped open the prescription. 

He dropped two into his mouth and chewed, swishing them around with his spit. He squeezed my cheeks to open my mouth, but I was too busy thanking my lucky fucking stars he was giving me what I wanted. Nice Ben, so kind, my Ben. 

"Tongue out, little kitty."

I propped my tongue over my smooshed lips obediently, allowing him to spit the elixer into my mouth. Absolutely shamelessly, I gulped it all down greedily. Such a sweetie. 

"Th... Thank you, Ben." I whispered. 

He grinned down at me and swept a strand of hair from my face and leaned down to kiss my lips. I didn't kiss him back, remaining completely still as I did the last time. A moment later we were face to face again. 

"Ah, ah, ah." He tutted as he booped my nose, grinning yet again. 

"Kylo. Call me Kylo."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lil Leia POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long since I've updated this one. been struggling on where to take it, but now I have a little more of a clear idea. 
> 
>  
> 
> kind of... heh.

The call from the mental institution came barely an hour after Rey and Han went in to see... 

_Him_.

I was already sitting near the phone, staring at it, willing it to be Rey with some good news. Maybe that _He_ had died: choked on his lunch or swallowed his tongue during complications via a seizure from his medications, bludgeoned by an orderly. Or just that Han had a terrible time and never wanted to see his doner again. Or _he_ just vanished in the sunlight like the demon he is. 

Didn't matter how. Just that he was finally off this earth and burning in Hell with Hitler and my father. 

"Mrs. Solo... I'm sorry to inform you, but your son Ben Solo has escaped, and he's taken Rey and your grandson. We have alerted all police sectors in California as well as surrounding states. He... He attacked a guard... Murdered him, and took his car. The hotel Ms. Kenobi and her son were staying in is empty. We're working as best we can to find them."

The phone fell from my shaking hand. My body turned to lead. This is exactly what I feared. What I almost _knew_ would happen. Why wasn't I more forceful? Why hadn't I chained Rey to the house and held Han closer to me? Why didn't I burn all the letters _He_ sent Han? 

My mind raced, and raced, and raced. Where did the blame lay? Me, not being stern enough? Rey, being too swayed by stupid, unwarranted guilt? There was no definitive answer. Only one question that ripped through me over and over and over again:

_Why in the hell did I let them go?_

It's been two days. 

Two panic ridden, sleepless, gut wrenching days. 

My brain plays that horrible night on repeat, punishing me for not stopping Rey from leaving.

 _He_ murdered my husband. His own _father. He_ murdered my own twin brother, my lifelong friends... Was this my punishment for what happened with Chewie? Was this karma for the mistakes I made all these years? 

And to think, Han had once upon a time tried to convince me to get an abortion... 

I laughed bitterly. And to think I'd been so angry, that I'd cursed him and shoved him and called him a dirty, rotten bastard. A scoundrel... My dear, scruffy scoundrel. 

Ironic. How incredibly ironic. 

If Han were here, this wouldn't have happened... He would have picked up Junior and locked Rey in her room until she cried her stubborn tears away and came to her senses... Why wasn't I stronger? Why did _He_ have to be born, and take away my strength? 

I'd done nothing but made excuses and tried my hardest to set up a decent life for _Him_. Han saw through all of it. He was a drunk bastard, but he wasn't an idiot. 

Not like me. 

 

Maz came over later that night, insisting that my misery and anxiety needed a bottle of wine and psychiatric counsel. 

We'd been friends back in college, fighting the good fight against the oppression of fascist ideology that my actual birth father was trying to cultivate... Something I tried to hide from _him_ out of resentment and embarrassment that I was even related to such a monster. The monster who murdered my own mother...

The irony. 

"Mama, you look like hell." Maz said as soon as I opened the door. 

I frowned and primped my hair after closing the door. "What should I look like then?"

Maz sighed. "This is just about as I'd figure it..." She uncorked the bottle, taking a drink right from the bottle. "Alright, mama. Sit. Let's talk."

She handed me the bottle, to which I brought with me to grab a straw, taking a few bug gulps and settled in for the long haul. I took a seat and we fixed one another with a gaze. 

"Should I begin with my childhood?" I asked after a big sip of Pinot Grigio, handing it back with a smirk.

Maz chuckled. "Let's not unfold all of that mess. We don't have the time. Tell me about Ben as a child." Oh... I stared at the floor for a long while, lighting a Virginia Slim before answering. "He was... He was interesting." I sad after another big sip. Maz nodded. "Interesting how?" I inhaled deeply from my cigarette and laughed without humor. "He was just a lonely kid, I guess. He didn't have really any friends so he mostly watched television after school or lock himself in his room for hours. I walked in on him masturbating quite a lot, actually. Sometimes I..." I looked up to the ceiling. "I swear he _wanted_ me to catch him. I know that sounds strange, but really, he... Masturbated right out in the open _a lot_... I once caught him touching himself while he burned a pictured of Han." I took another hit from my cigarette and placed my head into my hand. I could feel my face growing hot, and not just from the wine. It was so embarrassing to admit all these things out loud, knowing how fucking foolish I was not to see the warning signs that something was desperately wrong with my son. No mother wants to admit there is something wrong with their baby. I'm sure Ted Bundy's own mother turned her cheek to oddities. But it was my own undoing. I knew this. It just made me feel worse. It was all my fault. "Well that's... Definitely not _particularly_ normal." Maz said while she scratched her chin. "Anything else weird he ever did? Anymore fires?" I bit my lip and nodded. "Yes. And he, uh... Well, he killed two of our cats." I glanced up to Maz, and the expression on her face was blank. I inhaled my cigarette deeply again. "Did Ben used to wet the bed as a child?" She asked off handedly. My eyebrows knitted and I took another big sip. "What does that have to do with anything?" Maz folded her hands in her lap and her eyes, magnified by her thick glasses, held my attention. "Listen, mama," She said while she rubbed her temple. "This seems to be a bit of a... Well, weird situation... I know you said the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, but I figure that's because he was always lying." I nodded. He lied a lot. "Rey seems so sure that he loves her, but he doesn't. He can't. Ben thinks of Rey as a possession, something only he's allowed to have and fuck with. His obsession is compulsive. He's a sadist, and irrational. His grasp on reality has never been like most people's... The fact that he has both Rey and Jr... Is not... Good for Rey." I nearly rolled my eyes. "Yeah, no fucking kidding." Maz lifted her hand. "His narcissism may keep him from hurting Jr, because Jr is an extension of him. But Rey told me plenty about his snaps of violence when she hadn't been doing anything. He must be so excited to have some stimulation and a toy to play with again. His favorite toy. He's unstable, unmedicated, and dangerous. I know you're aware of this, but it's crucial I get in touch with the police and give them more information." I felt numb. I knew these things, of course I did. But hearing it aloud made me feel even more sick than before. I took a breath in through my nose and covered my eyes. Dizzy... So dizzy... Maz snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Mama? Hey! Do you know where they'd be heading?" I looked at her between my fingers, slowly moving them from my face. I noticted the ash on my cigarette was about an inch long and about to break off and hit the floor. Suddenly that was more interesting than anything else. I became lazer focused while I contemplated for a few minutes. Maz remained a few inches from my face, staring intensely while she waited. "The police said... Someone had seen them in San Bernardino... I'm assuming they're heading further north... The only place I could imagine him taking them is maybe... Big Bear? It's the only ties he has up north, the only place he knows out there. We vacationed up there a few times.... He seemed to like the forest..." Maz nodded quickly and snatched the portable phone. She dialed and soon was telling someone everything I'd just told her. I listened in a daze, horrible guilt making my gut feel like an evil, slimey snake was slithering around, made of stone. It was painful, it was terrible. A parasite. It was stealing everything for me, just like _he_ was now. Just how _he_ had in my womb. The thought escaped through me, taking the physical manifestation of curdled vomit on the carpet. I wiped my mouth when I had finished dry heaving, Maz rubbing my back and trying to get me to drink water. I stared at the vomit, and I prayed to any higher being listening: _I don't care what it takes. Just please... Please let him fucking die. Just save my Rey and Han. I can't lose him again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
>  
> 
> send me some prompts on Tumblr:
> 
> boogerzomaley


	31. Jaded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey Rey... Are you okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey it's been a bit, huh? let's have a little check in with the players. ᕕ(՞ᗜ՞)ᕗ

I don't know how long it's been since we arrived here. 

Ben and Han spend the day outside, swimming in the pool or go out to eat. I don't know where Ben is getting the money for all of this. I try not to think about it too much. I can only assume someone had to pay the price for their wallet. 

But that's none of my business. 

I haven't left this motel room since we got here. The days fly by because it's the only time I get any sleep. Ben doesn't sleep much from what I've seen. He keeps me fucked up and tied to the bed post so I can't even get up. I have to wait for them to come back to use the restroom. 

Han is the happiest I've ever seen, never leaving his daddy's side. He tells me all about his day, gushing and excited, while Ben sits in the chair and watches us like a snake and chain smokes. He doesn't fool me. I know what he's smoking in the bathroom after Han falls asleep. I don't say anything though. 

Ben crawls into bed next to me after he ties me back up, snuggling into my neck and sighing like he's never been so content in his whole life. He shoves 3 Xanax through my lips and I take it without any effort, munching. I don't care anymore. At least he usually waits for the meds to kick in. 

When I started dozing, Ben lifted my shirt and started playing with my breasts. I kept my eyes closed through the whole assault, trying to pretend I was else where. Ben hated that but it was my only means of not screaming and waking up Anakin... 

I mean Han. 

Fuck... 

Ben wrapped his hand around my throat while he fucked me hard and slow, and I couldn't tell him that I was starting to black out. Ben squeezed harder, maybe sensing my panic and my eyes opened before they rolled back. I saw a glimpse of Ben's face, angry and evil, before the black spots widened and I lost consciousness. 

I wished he would finish the job and kill me, but I always came to with him still fucking me ruthlessly in the dim room. He loved burning me with cigarettes and sucking on the burned wound, forcing tears from me. He would cover my mouth or force my underwear in my mouth. 

I would turn and stare at Ana - _fuck!_ Han! - and try to plot my way out of this fucking hell hole. I had to. 

And at the rate Ben was cumming inside me, I was probably pregnant or about to be. I couldn't allow that - not another baby spawned by hatred and violence, ending up hiding under the bed when their mommy and daddy got into a physical fight and mommy couldn't defend herself. 

"You know you fucking missed me..." He grunted in my ear. "Answer me." I was late on my reply and he slapped me hard, hitting the bruise on my cheek that would never heal. "I said fucking answer me, you little dope fiend." 

He grabbed my face viciously, pulling me closer to his. 

My eyes welled up with fresh tears and I sobbed a little. 

"I- I missed you. I missed you." 

Ben smiled and thrusted harder, practically knocking into my uterus with his dick. I winced and he laughed. 

 

"Yeah. I know you fucking did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh oops


	32. Soul to Squeeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I ran out of dope two days ago. 

I got Anakin up and in the shower and went to shave my face in the sink. I was feeling so tired suddenly, but I had to keep truckin' or else I might fall over and die. 

I think my dad had a saying about that... Something like: _Ya stop workin', you start dyin'._

He was a worthless human being and a shit father, but he was right about a few things, I guess. I zoned out while shaving my jaw and cut myself, blood dripping out of the small knick. I dabbed it with my finger and licked the blood off. My hands were lightly shaking. 

I stared at myself in the mirror for a minute, making sure I did a clean shave at getting rid of my facial hair. Shit, the circles under my eyes were fucked up... I pulled the skin under my eyes down and I saw the red veins in my eyes. Fuck. I looked like shit. 

My eyes trailed away from my face to Rey's reflection, tied to the bed behind me. She... She really looked pretty fucking rough, if I was being honest with myself... I ran my hand through my hair, clenched my jaw and exhaled through my nose. 

Should probably take her outside, get some sun. Maybe get Anakin to stop asking when his mummy would feel better and stop crying...

And fucking aye, was I sick of her fucking crying all the time... 

Maybe my mean streak was fading down a little. Maybe I just needed a good night's sleep. Maybe I was going soft. Maybe I was bored of the same old same old... 

Whatever it was, it drew me from the mirror and had me crouching down next to the bed, staring at her sleeping face. I watched her for a few minutes, committing all parts of her face more to memory. She really did look fucked up. When was the last time I fed her? Let her take a shower? 

I went to run my fingers through her hair and her eyes flew open, instantly in a panic. She looked right at me, already crying and afraid. I retracted my hand back to my lap and sighed again. 

I really did miss her spitfire attitude. I'd never seen her so... _Submissive and pathetic_ before. I'd been so mad at her for taking my son from me, condemning me to cell after cell, that I didn't even realize how much I'd missed her. 

I watched her cry, zoning out again. I got myself lost in rapid memories flying by, making me feel a little heart sick. 

Rey in her overalls at the arcade. 

Rey laughing like a mental patient on acid. 

Rey dancing with her stupid friends in my giant shirt at that house party. 

Rey running her fingers through my hair while we watched movie after movie, stoned and sated. 

Rey humming along the radio while we drove around and delivered goodies to addicts and hooligans. 

Rey sitting in the bathroom floor after puking for the third time that day, pregnant belly sticking out of her tight stripped shirt. 

Rey tugging the collar of my shirt down so she could kiss me. 

My vision reopened to Rey, in the present, battered and bruised. Shit. My heart starting pounding, breaking itself against my ribcage. 

_Fuck... Me..._

I took a deep breath and my hands began untying her bindings before I really thought about what I was doing. 

Rey started at me, doe eyed and afraid. She didn't move her hands or even really blink while I tossed the the binding behind me. 

We stared at each other, neither moving for a moment, before Anakin turned the shower off and walked out of the bathroom with his towel around his shoulders, his dark wet hair dripping on to the carpet. 

"... Daddy?" Anakin asked. 

I never took my eyes off of Rey. 

"Yeah, bud?"

"What are you and mummy doing...?"

I raised an eyebrow at Rey. 

She cleared her throat. "Nothing, bub."

"Doesn't look like 'nuthin'..." Anakin muttered. "I'm hungry."

"Mommy is going to take you to get some food." I blurted. 

Rey's eyes widened, her eyebrows drawn. 

"I... I am?" Her voice shook. She licked does dry lips. 

I shrugged. "Yeah, why not. I'm tired. I wanna take a nap. Take him to the McDonald's next door." I stood up and picked my new wallet up (courtesy of the same man's who's license plate I also took last week) from the dresser and handed her a 20$. 

She sat up slowly and took the bill from my fingers. She looked down at it like it was something from another planet. She slowly curled it into her fist and took a stuttering breath in. She glanced up to me and bit her lip. 

"Do... Do you want anything?"

I shook my head. "Nah. Go crazy. Anakin, let mom take a shower first though, okay, bud?"

Anakin nodded and grinned wide, bouncing a little. He went to comb his hair and I turned on the TV for him. The Powerpuff Girls show was on, and he really liked it. 

Food didn't sound appealing so much right then, really. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, feeling something like a migraine coming on. Fuck. Yeah, maybe a little nap would do me some good... Just an hour or so... 

Rey got up on shaky legs, and tip toed to her suit case, constantly glancing back at me. I stated at her in her panties and tee shirt. She'd lost alot of weight since we'd gotten here almost 3 weeks ago. My stomach turned a little at her bruises, climbing up her legs and thighs, to her back and neck. I swallowed the lump in my throat. 

Jesus, was I starting to feel guilty? After how _she_ betrayed _me?_ I knew I should still be angry... But I was done dealing out her punishment. 

For now, anyways. Just til I gathered my strength. 

She gathered some clothes and retreated to the bathroom quickly, and I heard the lock turn. I laid down on the bed and placed my arm over my eyes, blocking out the light from the TV. The blackout curtains were drawn, but I needed more darkness. Fuck, I felt terrible... 

I was just starting to drift off into a barely comfortable sleep when I heard the bathroom door open. I peeked out from under my arm to watch Rey grab her make up bag and start applying cover up, wincing at every bruise and burn. She was barely dabbing and blending but it looked like it was painful. 

Again, I felt a little guilt, but I pushed that down. 

Deep, deep down. 

She finished her make up and brushed her hair, barely looking at her reflection while she did. Anakin walked up and hugged her around the hips and she dropped to her knees and hugged him back, squeezing the breath out of him. She stroked his hair and kissed him all over. 

It was so weird... Almost like I was watching my mom with me as a little kid. It felt like something I wasn't meant to see, but something Rey couldn't wait to make private. Anakin nuzzled into Rey's neck and squeezed her back. 

"I'm glad you're feeling better, mummy. I've missed you."

I sat up a little, and rubbed my face. Something was pricking my eyes, almost making them water. I rubbed my knuckles into my eyes harshly. None of that bullshit. My brow started to sweat. Had it always been so fucking hot in here? God damn. 

"Hey... C'mere." I muttered. 

Rey's eyes darted to me and she stood up quickly, still with somewhat shaky legs and held Anakin's hand as she walked slowly to me. I beckoned her closer with my index finger until she was a few inches away. Her eyes gave away everything as always. 

She was terrified. 

I pushed my fingers into my temple again. It was starting to really hurt. Fuck. 

"Take him to get food, and come right back. I mean it. _Right. Back._ " I twirled my finger into her damp hair, lightly pulling and speaking through my teeth. "You won't like what happens if I have to come looking for you two." I pastered on a fake smile and yanked her hair. "Okay, mommy?" I kissed her lips. 

"Of course, Ben. Ten minutes. Right back. I promise." She was trying not cry, but keeping a stiff upper lip for Anakin. 

Good. I was beyond tired of her sniffling and shit. 

She stuffed the 20$ into her pocket and hurried to the door. Before she opened the door I put my arm over my eyes again to shield my eyes from the stupid fucking sun. 

"And get me a water."

"Okay, daddy. You got it." Anakin called as I heard the door shut. 

My muscles were starting to ache, my legs felt restless. Fuck. I was gonna need to go out and get some more dope before I shriveled up and died. My mouth was dry, yet I still tried to swallow. I ground my teeth and smashed my eyes shut tight. 

Rey had better hurry up with my fucking water. I didn't think much about what letting her outside could open up and make happen until she was gone. 

She better not fuck around and piss me off...

 

She will reap far fucking worse than she could ever imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a change of heart could also mean a change of power dynamics. stupid ben.


	33. Don't Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very short Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉﾞ❀~

I was all but dragging Anakin by the hand, practically running from the hotel. I was so anxious I thought I was about to pass out. It felt so weird using my legs for more than the 6 steps to the bathroom. I was wobbly but determined. 

I stopped when we reached the corner of the kind of busy intersection. Anakin tugged my hand and I realized he'd been trying to talk to me. I dropped to my knees and squeezed him tight again, crying all over again. I was so exhausted. 

"Mama? Why are we running? McDonald's is over there." He weaseled an arm out from our embrace and pointed somewhere I couldn't see. 

"I know you're hungry but I'm going to have to do something that is going to be really confusing to you but I need you to do what I say." I pulled away to look at him, and he stared back blankly. "Okay?" I shook him a little too roughly. "Okay?!"

Anakin's eyes welled up with tears and his bottom lip trembled. "Okay!" 

He wiped his tears with his arm and sniffled.

I didn't like to see him cry but I had a plan. It was impulsive, and extremely risky. But I had to do what I had to do. I wiped his tears away with my thumbs. 

"Listen, baby... I'm going to take you somewhere. And the the police are going to come get you. I don't have much time to do what I need to do but you need to trust me, okay?"

Anakin stared down at his shoes and nodded slowly, still sniffling. 

"Okay mama. I trust you."

I hugged him again tightly before we turned and walked to a gas station. I held Anakin on my hip while I scrawled out our home phone number and address and had him hold it closely to his chest. I made him promise not to let it go until the police arrived. 

The nice but confused man behind the counter dialed 911 for me and an older woman promised she would stay with my son until they arrived. They kept asking if I was alright, and 'what is happening?' but I didn't want to get into all of it with them. 

I took Ana - no, _Han's_ \- hands into mine and kissed his fingers. I stroked his hair and made a promise I wasn't sure I could make, but I made it anyways. Who was I deny this sweet little boy some peace of mind? 

"I'll come for you, at the station. Make sure they call gramma, okay? You'll be safe with them. I'll come back for you baby, I promise."

Han was still teary eyed when he spit in his hand and offered it to me. I spit into mine and shook his tiny hand into mine. His hands were so soft and warm, mine dry and feeling cold even in the heat. He nodded to me, very serious and sullen. Such an intuned kid, wise beyond his years. The spit oath was the ultimate promise. I hoped I could deliver on my promise. 

Han smiled at me and booped my nose. 

"Be careful, okay mama?"

My heart palpated painfully. 

I turned and jogged out, not daring to look back. Looking back would have stopped me in my tracks and I couldn't allow that. My impulsivity had always fucked me over, but today, I was going to use it to my advantage. 

Ben was going to fucking _pay_ for what he had done. No begging, no turning back. I was going to take him down and out. I walked into the small hardware store across the motel, taking a deep breath. 

"What can I get you, hon?" The woman behind the counter asked, looking at me with her eyebrows drawn. I already knew my make up job was shit but I didn't think I'd done _that_ bad a job... 

I turned to her and smiled. "What can I get for 20$ that will prove a point to an abusive sack of shit?"

The woman raised her eyebrows and nodded, her lips in a hard line and gestured for me to follow into the back of the store. 

"Let me show you, honey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rambo Mom Rey is about to get creative.


	34. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of short, trying to focus while Spaceballs is on is pretty hard but not as hard as those earthquakes AMIRITE EVERYONE 😎👉👉
> 
>  
> 
> "Comb the desert!"
> 
> "we ain't found SHIT"

I couldn't stop fucking shivering. 

I felt like I was about to spew my guts out so I turned over to sit up in the bed but instead I rolled over too far and dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks. 

"Fuck..." I whispered after my head thudded off the thin carpet. 

I crawled to the bathroom, my entire body shaking and my forehead drenched in a cold sweat. My mouth was salivating like crazy, and I was swallowing as much as I could to try to prolong the vomit that was swishing around in my otherwise empty stomach. 

I finally reached the toilet and pulled myself up, barely making it in time before my gut spilled from mouth and even some from my nose. I continued to heave and heave, until I fell over when my stupid fucking arms couldn't keep me up any longer. 

I laid on the freezing tile and rubbed my face. I was dying. That's the only reason I could figure what was happening to me. I was fucking dying. I curled into a ball and kept shaking, tears starting to pour from my eyes. 

Fucking _tears?_ When was the last time I shed fucking tears? 

Rey must have poisoned me. 

Yeah... That's it. She fucking _poisoned me._

Evil bitch. That evil god damned fucking _bitch!_

I grabbed onto the roots of my hair and started sobbing like a crybaby. If only my cellmate could see me now... I wished I could laugh, but all I could do was keep crying. It hurt... My entire body seized and clenched and it just... 

_Fuck, it hurt_.

But then I heard the door open. 

Good. About she came back with my water. How long had she been gone? It felt like an eternity. I ceased my sobs quickly, rubbing the stupid tears from my eyes and strained my ears but I didn't hear Anakin's little feet. Only one pair of very quiet foot steps. One pair? Was Anakin napping in her frail arms? 

I weakly opened my eyes when the foot steps stopped at the door. I was beyond angry Rey would see me in such a pathetic state. And maybe a little embarrassed. My eyes slowly trailed up her bruised and burned legs, and passed her high waisted shorts, to her stomach, to her-

What the fuck was in her arms? It definitely wasn't my son... 

I struggled to sit up and open my eyes further, trying my hardest to focus on what she was holding. Was it... 

Holy shit, was that a fucking _sawed off shot gun?!?_

My eyes flew up to Rey's, her gaze hard and lethal. My heart pounded faster as I realized just how absolutely fucked I was in the situation unfolding before me. 

Rey licked her dry lips and smiled sadistically down at me while she racked the barrel. _CLICK CLICK_. Her eyes were practically sparkling with tears falling, like emerald jewels. My mouth fell open and I gapped at her like a fish out of water. 

 

"Now who's the pathetic little bitch, you worthless mother fucker."

she whispered.

 

Fuck. Me.


	35. Got You Where I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> Long-ish chapter
> 
> strap in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is a song with the same name by The Flys... Give it a little listenarooni after or while you read. I really love this song and I think it's kind of bittersweet kind of inspired the fucked up shit between these two kiddos.

The woman at the hardware store had taken me into the back and shown me the assortments of guns she had.

My fingers softly drifted over all the cold, shiny hard metal and a tiny, little shaky breath escaped my lips. I was a little taken aback at how readily the woman had been to just show me all of this. I turned slowly to her, and she nodded with her lips in a hard line. 

"Don't worry, baby. My daughter had been victim to some real _extreme_ abuse. Lost her life to it. My husband is in prison for paying his respects to her abuser..." A tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. "I'd seen the bruises and burns the moment you walked in, honey. You really came to the right place... Do you know how to use em?"

I stared at the guns for a moment. 

"No... No, I've never even held one before..."

The woman walked over and placed her arm around my shoulders. It made my heart ache for Leia... She must be going through some serious hell since we'd disappeared... But we were coming home. The woman gave my shoulder a light squeeze. 

"I can show you the basics."

 

It took about 20 minutes for her to help me pick out the right gun, and how to hold it, load it and aim. I picked the most dangerous looking one, the one I knew would cause the most damage. I felt like Sarah Connor, finally facing down the T1000. I was finally going to rid myself and my son of the monster that plagued us, day in and day out. She gave me rock salt slugs. 

I tucked it in a backpack the she had loaned me. She hugged me tightly and told me she hoped it was quick and that I'd get away scot free. Tears threatened to spill but I held them back. 

I'd cried enough to last me the rest of my life, and the next life after. I was shaking in fear and excitement; my revenge had finally arrived, and it was going to be served as cold as the ice in my veins. 

No begging. No negotiating. No turning back. 

I was strong in my resolve. I was set on my plan and there was nothing he could do or say to change my mind. I was going to kill him. No torture, no long and dragged out goodbyes. One shot to his fucking head and the brain matter that would spray behind him would be the only thing I could fathom as good enough revenge. 

 

I took a few deep breaths when I arrived to the door. 

_I'm in control. I have the upper hand. I'm the one making the shots. Hah. The shots..._ I smiled. _I only need one, right to the face. And then this will all be over. Don't bitch out, now. It's time._

I opened the door and shut it behind me. Ben wasn't in bed, but I heard him in the bathroom. Was he crying? 

I took the gun out from my bag and held it steady in my hands as I walked tall to the open restroom. 

Ben was laying on tile, sweating and panting. He looked horrible, and that caused a huge smile to spread across my face. He was coming down from all that disgusting meth and it was taking everything out of him. 

_Good. He's weak._

His eyes widened as they laid upon the shotgun, which I pumped. 

_CLICKCLICK_

"Now who's the pathetic little bitch, you worthless mother fucker."

His fear was strong enough to taste and it did nothing but amp me up further. I drew strength from the terrified look in his eyes and I placed the shotgun next to hip, aiming down towards his head. 

_This is it. This is it. It's over, it's finally fucking over._

I took a deep breath and committed everything to memory as my finger began to pull pack on the trigger. 

_This is it. Soon he won't have a face to -_

Ben suddenly kicked his leg out and swept my feet from under me. I pulled the trigger then, and an extremely loud _**B A N G**_ echoed out as my head collided with the tile floor. 

"FUCK!"

The impact knocked my brain loose and dazed me, blurring my vision. My eyelids fluttered as I tried to focus and see if I had actually even shot him at all. His face was still intact unfortunately but it was twisted in severe pain. My swishing brain slowly pieced together that I had shot him, and I'd shot him right in the gut. 

Good enough. 

Ben's hands were shaking uncontrollably as they hovered above the bloody wound, gushing out torrents of blood while he silently screamed. I couldn't hear anything but a loud and painful ringing in my head. 

But I shot him. I'd gotten him. 

He was in pain, lots of pain from the blurry image before me. 

I felt my lips curl up in a smile and I whispered, "Die, you fucker. You son of a bitch, you rat fucking bastard. You... You murderous snake." 

The words came out in a short breaths, my brain struggling to keep consciousness. The scene before me was blinking in and out but I willed myself to stay awake, to watch his pain. This wasn't part of the plan, but it was still somehow even more perfect. 

It was better than watching my parents vomit and sob as they died. This was a million times better than anything I had imaged when he had held me hostage all those times. For every cigarette burn, for every rape, for every violation and degrading thing he had ever done, he was paying for it. 

He sobbed and sobbed, his hands drenched in all the blood that was pouring from his stomach, and I could see a little bit of his guts from the giant fucking holes the rock salt slug I had shot him with. He screamed and screamed and it slowly began to raise in volume as my hearing came back to me. 

It wouldn't be long now until the police arrived. 

"YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!"

I made no efforts to move, not wanting to miss a single moment of his enclosing death. He wouldn't last long. The blood was pouring from his, soaking the floor in a torrential flood of bright red blood. It soaked the towels near him, and he even tried to pick one up to try and push on to the gapping hole in his gut. He screamed out in pain as he shoved it into the blast sight but only screamed out more in pain. 

Geez. He was so noisy... 

His eyes, huge in panic and pouring tears, flew to mine and suddenly he was dragging himself the foot or two between us. I couldn't move. He was to weak to do any real damage. 

At least, that's what I had thought. 

He snatched me up by my hair painfully and dragged me to him. I screamed out as he locked his arm under my jaw and smashed it into my throat with more might than I'd thought he'd be capable of. I gasped and choked, clawing at his arm as he set an incredibly forceful chokehold on me. 

My feet kicked out and my weak body thrashed around as I tried to get away but I couldn't breathe at all. Fuck. Fuck! I gave up on clawing him and began blindly trying to punch his face but I couldn't land anything from the angle I was at. My already blurry vision began to bubble with black spots and he tightened his grip, and I couldn't even choke anymore. 

There was no air to gasp for, no room to do much of anything. 

How was he so fucking strong, even now? Fuck. My plan... My... Pl... Plan... ing... My eyes began to roll back into my head. No. No... No! 

As a last attempt at survival, I felt around behind me until I found where his shirt had been ripped open and slammed my fingers into his blasted open stomach. It was gross and hot and sticky and wet but I jammed my fingers further in and Ben's arm bar faltered just enough for me to gasp in a breath and my vision painfully began to return. 

My eyes felt like they were bugging out of my head as Ben screamed even louder than before. He lost his entire grasp as he tried to pull my fingers out but I only pressed in further. 

He spasmed in his tremendous pain but I didn't stop. I shoved more fingers in and that caused Ben to vomit on me. I didn't even care. I was beyond thoughts. I was working on a primal instinct. 

I shoved my fist into his gut and wrapped my fingers around something squishy and meaty. I pulled it out and Ben didn't scream. He simply slumped out on the bloody tile I ripped it out further and further until I heard yelling from outside the front door and then the door was kicked down. 

There was shouting and guns drawn on me, at least seven police officers crowded around the outside of the bathroom. 

I yanked one more time on the organ I was holding and then raised my bloody hands in surrender and began to laugh hysterically. 

There was no coming back from this. But I couldn't find it in myself to be remorseful or afraid anymore. I was free. I was free. I was finally fucking free. 

 

"I'm free. I'm free. I'm free! I'm free! I'M FREE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp... looks like that's the finale, huh? 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	36. Come As You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😬

"Mama... Mama, wake up."

I groaned into my pillow. My brain felt fuzzy and misty.

"Wake up, Rey. We're leaving."

My heart stopped.

No... _No!_

I burst into tears before I could even open my eyes properly. No, no, no, no... This isn't fair. This isn't right! I fucking killed him! _was free!_ No!

"Mama, why are you crying? We're going to see big trees and sleep in a cabin!"

Anakin was jumping on the bed and chanting.

"Big reds! Big reds! Biiig reds!"

I kept sobbing. 

This wasn't fair... This wasn't fucking FAIR!

I started thrashing around, not even noticing I wasn't tied to the bed anymore. It didn't matter, anyways. I'd never escape this fucking prison, no matter where we went. I was trapped. I'd always _be_ trapped. And my son would never know. Because I was stupid enough to give Ben the tiniest inch. All because I wanted to let my son meet his psychopath of a father.

Ben sighed and grabbed my wrist, yanked me up and shook me. I cried out and tried to cover my face, afraid he might actually beat me in front of Anak - Han. 

_Han! Han! His name is fucking Han! Against grandpa Han's wishes to not name the kid after him, my son's god damned name is Han!_

Ben let go of me and pushed me down.

I peaked up at him, still hidden behind my arm. He looked bored and a little annoyed, but definitely not the pathetic, shaking and sweating mess he had been in my dream. I ground my teeth and fought back against the tears. It had been so real... I really thought I had finally slain the dragon...

I wasn't strong enough. There was no way I'd ever be strong enough to overpower him, strong enough to take him down. He was inhuman, a demon that had no weak points. 

I was only a human. A weak, pathetic, stupid human.

I sniffled and sat up slowly. Everything was packed up and ready to go, the TV off, the room clean. I stood up and swayed a bit, surveying the room. There was no evidence of what had happened, no clues that I was ever tortured and raped in this room. 

Ben handed me two Xanax. I chewed them and swallowed them down with a sip of Ben's root beer. My body ached like crazy, my head was pounding. I sat there for awhile and watched Ben brush Han's hair, (when had he cut it?), getting him dressed, watching him with apt attention as he brushed his teeth.

Ben was such a helicopter dad. I wasn't surprised, really. It was just weird to see how they had fallen into a routine so seamlessly. I'd been too fucked up to notice, but now their similarities were too close to ignore.

Once I felt the weightless buzz kick in, I picked up the clothes Ben had laid out for me and went to change in the bathroom.

I couldn't really focus on anything as I went through the motions of changing. I absently wondered how many hotel rooms had been the spot of other horrific scenes, cleaned up by maids or other insane, tweaker abusers.

I shrugged to myself, breathing deeply as my brain numbed itself. 

Probably a lot. 

When I came out of the bathroom, I watched Ben leave a tip for the maid. I raised an eyebrow at him, but he only shrugged.

Ben handed me a pair of sunglasses as we approached the door. When he opened it, I was still blinded. When was the last time I'd been in the sunlight? When was the last time I ate real food? 

_Did it really matter?_

Ben walked up to a brown Camry, unlocking it with a key and popped the trunk to put our luggage in. He buckled Han into a car seat and got into the drivers side next to me. I knew I didn't want to know, but I still had to ask.

"Where did this car come from?" My voice sounded robotic and apathetic.

Ben only chuckled. "Ahhh, one of our good friends lent it to us. The tags are good, engine runs, full tank, and even gave us the car seat." He turned to back up and pulled out from the hotel. "Isn't that just too nutty?" He asked, a big grin on his face.

I didn't say anything, I just turned on the radio. Nirvana was playing. Ben hummed along to the song, leaned back and totally at ease. I stared out the window, and watched as the desert eventually turned into valleys. 

I zoned out completely, even ignoring Han chattering away in the backseat. I couldn't get the images of my dream out of my head, wishing I was the warrior my subconscious mind thought I was.

The weapon wielding woman that disemboweled the piece of shit that had his palm on my thigh, making my skin crawl. His thumb rubbed circles into my now thinner thigh, smoking a cigarette and chatting with Han about outer space. The smell of the cigarette was making me even more sick.

My mouth suddenly salivated as the bile turned in my stomach.

I snapped out of my haze and put my hand over my mouth.

"Pull over!" I yelled.

Ben snapped his head to me, his eyes wide.

He pumped the brakes and pulled over quickly. 

I threw the door open and ripped off the seatbelt and puked. It came out of my nose, and burned my throat. Ben rubbed my back, trying to soothe me but it only made me feel worse.

I heaved and spat when it was all out of me, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"F... Fuck..." 

"Are you okay, love? Should we get an early dinner?"

His voice sounded a million miles away, but food did sound good...

I slowly pulled myself back into the car and leaned back against my seat, huffing and puffing with my eyes closed. I could only nod. I opened my eyes and went to reach for my purse, but Ben smacked my hand. 

"You've had enough today."

I scowled and whispered with venom. _"I was just getting some gum. Jesus...."_

Ben barked a laugh as he pulled back onto the road.

"There's that fire I've been missing. Better hope you're not pregnant there, _honey._ "

I turned my head to glare at him, the setting sun casting a golden glow onto his seemingly angelic face.

"We haven't been gone long enough. Get fucking real."

Ben pursed his lips and glanced to me from the corner of his eye. "Oh... Two and a half months isn't long enough?" 

He grinned.

I blanched, my jaw hitting the floor. Tears fell from my eyes, ever the constant flowing well.

_Two and a half fucking months?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all thought this shit was over SIIIIKE 😂


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what?
> 
> Here's a little Lil Han POV

Daddy drove us for a really long time. We got to have cheeseburgers for dinner. When we got to the cabin, Mama was in the bathroom of the cabin crying. But Mama is always crying.

Daddy said she's sick. I hope I don't get sick, too. Daddy laughed and said he was sure I wouldn't get sick like her sick. It's too dark to see all the big trees, but if I squint I can kinda see 'em.

I can't wait til morning to see them. I've never seen big trees. I've seen normal trees. But Daddy says these are the biggest trees in the world. How cool. 

 

Daddy put on the Roger Rabbit movie he found in a box of other movies. I sat on the big red couch and ate my popcorn. It was late at night but I was scared to sleep alone now. I was used to sleeping next to Mama and Daddy. That was safe. 

I wouldn't be safe without Daddy. 

He said the bad aliens were looking for us, but they would look like coppers so we couldn't trust anyone. 

I sipped my juice carefully but then I heard a tap on the window. It scared me right out of my pajamas, and I spilled some of my juice. Uh oh. I jumped up to get a napkin to clean up my mess and I spilled some of my popcorn, too. 

Oh no. Daddy didn't like messes. 

I rushed to pick up the pieces and I heard something tap the window again. _tap tap tap tap_. I froze and looked around slowly, my eyes real big. The room was dark except for the tv light that made the shadows bigger. It looked scary. My lip wobbled and I almost cried. 

Where was Daddy? 

There was another tap on the window and it scared me enough to send me running out of the living room and knocking on Mama and Daddy's door. I put my ear up to the door and I heard a lot of rustling and shooshing. I was dancing foot to foot and chewing my lip. 

Daddy ripped the door open and looked down at me. Daddy was so big, he looked like a Terminator. He was all sweaty and he didn't have a short on. He dropped down to his knee and put his big hand my shoulder. 

"What's wrong, bud?"

I stopped chewing on my lip and started touching my hair. 

"There was a noise... On the window... Tapping."

Daddy raised one eyebrow and the other one went down. "Tapping?"

I nodded. "Tapping."

Daddy frowned. "Tapping how?"

I poked the door with my finger and showed him how. 

"Like that. Tapping."

Now both of Daddy's eyebrows were low and he pulled me up into his arms and shut the door behind me and we walked down the hallway way. The movie was still playing. Daddy stood up on the couch and I shimmied on to his back. 

Daddy cupped his eyes and looked out the dark window. I snuggled into his hair and wiped my yucky sweaty hands on my pajama bottoms one at a time. I felt like I was under a big blanket and I couldn't breathe good. 

"I don't see anything out there, bud... Maybe it was a moth hitting the window." 

I crawled back into Daddy's arms as he stepped off the couch and he sat me down in his lap. I was still not breathing good and Daddy placed his big hand on my chest and shushed me. 

"Hey, shhh, shhh. Breathe through your nose, bud. Big, deep breath in... And a long big breath out. Okay? I know it was scary but there's nothing out there. You're okay."

I did what Daddy told me to, and soon I could breathe again. Daddy stroked my hair and held me in his arms for awhile and the movie went off and made everything all blue, like under the ocean. Daddy started snoring a little and his head fell back against the couch. I wanted to watch another movie but it was late and I didn't want to wake Daddy up cause I moved... 

But I really wanted another movie... 

I crept slowly off of Daddy's lap and crawled on the ground. I got to the box and moved them around real quiet, finding The Great Mouse Detective. I smiled real big and put it in the VCR player. I quietly picked up a pillow from the couch and laid down on the carpet, all stretched out and comfy. 

My eyes felt heavy and I yawned. Gosh, I was so sleepy. I should have gotten a blanket before I laid do -

_CRASSSSSSH_

I jumped up and held my pillow over my head. My heart hurt and I was shaking a lot. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. 

Suddenly I was in Daddy's arms again and we were running down the hallway and Daddy slammed shut the door. Mama was wearing a big tee shirt and then she was holding me with Daddy. 

"What the fuck was that?" Mama whispered. 

Daddy was really tense. "Someone broke a window right over my fucking head." He sounded mad. 

I was trying to breathe through my nose like he showed me earlier but it was hard when even Mama and Daddy were also scared, too. I was huffing and puffing a lot and there was a lot of more yucky sweat on me again. 

Mama was breathing hard, too. 

"Through the nose, just like before. Calm down." Daddy said while he rubbed my back. 

"Ben? Ben? What do we do?" Mama whispered. She was really scared. 

I looked up at Daddy and he was grinding his teeth. He looked mad and scary. I was glad he was my Daddy and on our side. I bet he could eat people alive. 

"Is it the bad aliens, Daddy?"

Daddy shook his head, even more mad. 

"No. I don't know _who_ it is, but they really fucked up. They _reallyyyyy_ fucked. Up."


	38. Seven Nation Army

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like someone has decided to CRASH the vacation lmao AMIRITE  
> whoooooo could it be?

Ben gave me Han and began to pace quickly around the small room, running his hands through his hair. 

Ben being scared made me terrified. He was a monster and a bastard but if _he_ was scared, then that meant something bad was going to happen. 

I sat down on the bed with Han in my lap and jiggled my leg up and down, my anxiety making me sick. Yeah. My anxiety. No way I was pregnant. That test was bullshit. There was no way I was pregnant again. 

No fucking way. 

But he still wouldn't let me have anymore Xanax and that was shitty. I couldn't breathe and Han wasn't doing much better than me. I hoped this anxiety bullshit wasn't genetic. I couldn't stand the idea of my baby feeling this way. That wasn't fair. 

Then again, what was fair in this fucked off nightmare I lived? 

Nothing at all. 

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Ben muttered to himself. 

All I knew was that someone had broken the window. But then maybe it wasn't someone, made a really stupid and strong bird had just broken through. Maybe we were all spooked over nothing. Maybe it -

_knock, knock, knock_

My heart hit the floor and froze like ice. 

SHIT. 

Ben paused midstep and his head snapped to the bedroom door. 

"Ben Solo. Come out nice and quiet and I won't take your girlfriend for a spin in front of your son."

Suddenly Ben was shoving us under the bed while chanting 'fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck a fucking duck' under his breath. I rolled under the bed and held on closely to Anakin and covered his mouth as tears fell down both of our cheeks. 

Oh god oh god god god god... 

The sound of the window closing loudly was followed by the door opening and at first I thought Ben had actually dipped out and left us behind. But then I heard a scuffle and Ben swearing loudly. I wanted to peak our and see what was happening so badly but I was afraid of being caught. 

Instesd I held my breath and smashed my eyes closed and prayed to a God, any God, while I listened to the fight continue. There was a lot of punching sounds and huffs and puffs taking up the air. 

I found myself praying that Ben would be victorious in this fight. It didn't make much sense to even me but I knew what Ben was capable of, but I didn't know what an absolute stranger would do to me, or even to my own small son. 

Nausea rolled throughout my body and I took several big breaths through my nose and swallowed the overwhelming amount of saliva that pooled up in my mouth. My eyes were trying to spill tears but I held them off by smashing my eyes too tightly shut. 

The sound of what sounded like a taser went off and Ben yelled out. Then the sound of handcuffs snapped shut and Ben's yelling was cuff of instantly by a big thud. My heart hurt for more reasons that one... Ben's pain somehow being one of them. 

Heavy footsteps ended right at the foot of the bed and I listened to a phone being dialed. I perked up to try and hear the voice on the other side, by inky the voice of the man in the room was audible. 

"I've found them. Yes. He's hogtied and they're hiding under the bed... No, I'll give her the phone. One moment."

The phone was slid under the bed and I slowly took it, shaking violently. Who the fuck could - 

"Rey?! Rey, baby, it's me! Leia! Say something, please!"

The sound of Leia's voice floored me and it took a moment of her crying and calling my name before I finally answered. 

"Leia..." I whispered. It's all I could say, I was so confused. 

Anak - _Han, Rey, Han!_ \- squeaked and snatched the phone from me and began crying. 

"Gramma! Gramma I miss you, hi gramma!"

I could barely hear her voice say, "Get up from under the bed, baby. You're safe. You're with a good man. Tell your mama, baby."

"Gramma said he's a good man, mama we can get up!"

Han was out of my arms before I could snatch him back up. I crawled out after him and looked up to see the face of the man who had apprehended Ben. 

He extended a hand to me to help me up and his darkly tanned face smiled at me, blinding me with white teeth. 

"Don't worry. You're safe, now, Rey. I'm a bounty hunter, hired by your mother. My name is Boba."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit wuddup Boba


	39. Tainted Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

"Leia is staying in a motel not far from here, perhaps a half hour. I can take you there before I turn him to the police." The man said. 

I opened my eyes. Mom is near..? Oh, fucking great... 

"I... I'd like to talk to him, before any of that. Can... Can I do that?" Rey whispered. 

Since when did she not just do what she wanted? Had I really taken that from her? 

"If.. If that's what you'd like. The little one and I will be out in the living room. And don't worry: he can't get out of that." The man chuckled. 

Asshole. 

The door closed and I opened my eyes to find myself fucking hogtied. It hurt, kind of. Not the worst pain I'd ever felt, but... Yeah, it kind of hurt. The prick. 

I heard Rey sit down near me, and I struggled to move my head over to that side. She was sitting with her arms around her legs, her chin resting on her knees. She was looking down at me, an indescribable look on her sweet, tired face. 

We stared at each other for what felt like hours. Time always slowed down with her. I couldn't stop the smile that slowly spread across my face. Her face remained the same, but the look in her eyes changed. 

Finally, she spoke. 

"Ben. I have a million fucking questions, but not enough time to ask most of them. So I'll start here... Why?"

My smile faded. "Why what?"

Her lips formed a hard line and she narrowed her eyes. 

"Why... Why did you do this to me? Why did you have to hurt me like this?"

Oh. 

I decided to look at the carpet, not really able to look at her eyes that were beginning to mist over. I'd watched her cry so many times, but all of a sudden, with her in the position of power... I couldn't stand to see another tear. I swallowed and took a deep breath in through my nose. 

"I... All I ever wanted was a family with you. I wanted you to be mine... Until we died." I closed my eyes. "I thought we could have everything my parents didn't... I saw the white picket fence, the dog, the two kids so neither of them ever got lonely, like _I_ did -" My voice cut off then, a weird strangling sensation in my throat. 

There was a weird pain behind my eyelids. 

Oh fuck. Was I really going to cry? 

Fuck it. 

"I just... That first time I saw you... In the arcade. It was like a movie. Everything slowed down and you were just... _So bright_... I fell in love with you right away..." My voice ached. 

Rey said nothing, didn't even move. 

"I wanted to keep just to myself. I loved your light, your happy aura. I loved your smile." My chest hurt, remembering her, in the very beginning... 

An angel in dirty overalls. 

"I hated your friends. I _hated_ Poe. I knew he wanted you and I couldn't stand the idea of him taking you away from me. I couldn't let him. So I killed him. I had to..."

Rey took in a quivering breath then. Finally, she spoke. 

"He didn't want me, Ben. He and Finn... They were gay. They were in love. They were like my brothers. You killed them... For _nothing_." She hissed. 

I opened my eyes then. She was glaring at me, tears falling down her cheeks. She wipped them away but never took her furious hazel eyes off of me. 

My eyebrows pulled together as my head swam in confusion. "What... What the fuck do you mean they were gay?" I whispered.

She wiped her nose and staggered in a breath. "I mean they were _fucking gay, Ben!_ "

Poe's face flashed in front of my eyes, the memory of how he looked at Finn, even as I began to carve into his face. That look... That look I stubbornly ignored, pushed away because I didn't want to see it, couldn't believe it. 

It was _love_... Complete devotion. 

How could I have be so willfully fucking _stupid?_

I'd made a mistake. A hard thing to swallow... 

Out of blind jealousy. A huge mistake. And it followed one after another, a set of dice falling faster and faster until I let my fears and insecurities crash and destroy Rey. I forced myself to look at her as she seethed and shook with hatred. 

"I'm so sorry, Rey." My lip wobbled, and the tears started to fall then, and my throat felt like it was too tight to breathe until I was all out sobbing on the floor. 

"I don't _care._ " Rey said slowly. "I don't care that you're sorry." She sniffled and leaned towards me. "I don't care about your fucking _feelings_. Why should I? When have you ever cared about _mine?_ You don't love me. _This isn't love!_ People who love people don't do things like _this_ , Ben! They don't hurt them! They don't torture them! They don't rape them! They don't hold them hostage! And they sure the fuck don't _kill_ people, Ben!" 

She was yelling in my face, but I couldn't find it in me to be mad. She had every right to be angry at me. But she wasn't right... I did love her. Love had made me an absolute mad man, but I did love her. 

"I do love you, Rey... I do!" I cried. 

Her hand flew back and smacked me hard in the face and then she just kept smacking me. It hurt but I couldn't move away, I couldn't protect myself. All I could do was cry harder, at the mercy of her anger. 

"You don't! _YOU DON'T LOVE ME!_ You took _EVERYTHING_ from me! _EVERYTHING! YOU STOLE MY LIFE FROM ME! YOU STOLE MY LIGHT! YOU SUFFOCATED ME WITH ALL YOUR DARKNESS! YOU'RE EVIL! YOU'RE A MONSTER! A MURDEROUS SNAKE! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!!_ "

The smacks turned into punches somewhere during her screaming and I felt her break my nose with a **crunch**. She continued her assault on my face, crunching my nose in over and over. I felt blood gushing down my lips and into my mouth, mixing with drool and snot. 

She was so strong, even after being tied up and in bed for so long. I felt her hatred, her darkness, her fury. It was somehow beautiful, because deep down I knew... 

We were still perfect for each other. 

She may hate me, but I knew she loved me. I felt it still, that bond between us could never be broken, no matter what we did to one another, no matter how far apart we were. Our bond couldn't be cut, and we'd always be tied to one another. 

She continued to scream and lay punches until the punches were replaced with her stomping my face with the heel of her foot. My vision was fading slowly, the pain too much. The door flew open at some point, and the man dragged her away from me. I could hear them struggling and him trying to calm her down. 

"Stop, STOP! You're okay, you're okay! He's not worth it!" He told her, but still she screamed and sobbed. 

"You don't know what he _DID TO ME! I HATE YOU, BEN! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!_ "

"I love you, still. I love you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I whispered over and over. 

The man dragged her from the room, and I saw Anakin standing there, peaking in from the side of the door. His eyes were wide and scared, his skin pale and his hair dark and messy. 

It reminded me of myself at that age, watching my parents scream and fight, my dad hitting my mom. 

The image was cut from me with the slamming of the door. 

I was alone. But I still felt Rey. I would always feel her, no matter where they put me. 

Our bond would never be broken. 

I smiled, my mouth soaked in blood. 

 

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Ben
> 
> what the fuck is wrong with you


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

Boba dragged Ben out of the house and threw him in the trunk of his car. He helped me get the car seat out and strapped Han in, and I got in the back seat with him. Boba played classical music and waved his fingers around like an he was an playing the harp or something. Odd guy. 

I stroked Han's dark hair with my fingers and held his tiny hand in my other. He was shaken up and scared, but he seemed to be calming down. Boba said Leia wasn't too far away, staying in a hotel 20 minutes away. I was so exhausted from my melt down that I fell asleep on the way there, slumped against Han's bulky car seat. 

I woke up when I heard the car door open and suddenly, I was being tightly embraced. I was terrified for a moment, positive that everything was just a dream and Ben was attacking me, but the soft and sweet smell of Leia's perfume knocked me back into reality and I instantly began to cry with her. She was crying into my neck and holding Han's face in my her palm. 

"Oh, my babies, my babies!" She sobbed. 

I couldn't believe I was finally reunited with her, my adoptive mother, the only person who truly loved me besides my son. Boba stood awkwardly at the door, staring off into the distance, clearly uncomfortable. 

Eventually we moved inside to her hotel room and after clinging to each other, I finally unhatched from her to go and give Han a bath with her. Boba kicked his feet up on the coffee table and turned on the TV. 

Leia hugged me again for the billionth time and wiped away her tears. She helped Han out of his clothes and held his hand as he got into the warm bath. I noticed she was looking him over, probably searching for signs of abuse or neglect, but I knew she wouldn't find anything. Han had been treated like a prince. I smiled at him and took in a deep breath. 

We were finally going home. Finally safe. 

Leia seemed pleased with her quiet inspections of Han, but her face fell when she turned to take me in. I knew what she saw. I had lost a lot of weight, and I had marks all over my face and body. It'd been over two months since we'd last seen each other and she looked like she had lost some weight, too. 

This was all my fault. 

"This is all my fault, Leia. I'm so... I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you." My eyes welled up tears, just like they always did after these last few months. I was so sick of crying, but I don't think that was something that was going to ever stop. 

Leia shook her head and rubbed her temple. 

"I don't think now is the time to say 'I told you so', Rey. I'm just so happy you're alive." She looked away to Han. "And that our baby boy is healthy and unscathed..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "He never hurt him?"

I shook my head and watched Han flick the water around, his eyelids drooping down. He was exhausted, poor babe. "No. Never even raised his voice at him." 

I sounded like a zombie. God, I was fucking beyond tired. I needed a good 200 year long nap. I put my elbow in the tub, and rested my chin into my palm, absently watching Han. Shit, he was one tough kid. Leia rubbed my back and I fought with all my might to stay awake. 

I hoped Ben suffocated in the trunk of car. 

Soon, we dried Han off and carried him into the room and got him dressed in his jammies and put him into huge, king seized bed. Apparently, Leia wanted us all to share the bed because she missed us so much. I wasn't against that idea at all... I got dressed for bed, too, not even having the strength to shower. 

I reached into my bag, looking for a hair tie, when my hand nudged my pill bottle. I still had quite a few left, even after all the many pills I'd taken since I came back to California... I bit my lip and opened it slowly and stared down at them. I knew I shouldn't be taking them since I was... Pregnant... But I figured one or two couldn't hurt. 

I popped two into my mouth and chewed them, swishing them around with a sip of water. An image of Ben laying in top of me, spitting drugs unto my mouth before he raped me while our son slept a foot away flashed before I shook it away. No. Not now, not yet. I'd have plenty of time to deal with that insanity when I got home. 

I was too tired right now. 

I almost laughed. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to go through all of that without bringing Maz into it with me. She was probably going crazy without me around to talk to. Suddenly Leia tapped me on the shoulder and I nearly flew out of my fucking skeleton. 

"Sorry, Rey. I didn't mean to scared you, honey. Are you okay?" She whispered. 

I squeezed my temples with my fingers, trying to pop my head like a zit while I worked on getting my breath back. I looked at Han behind me, spread out and already taking up most of the bed. I looked back to Leia again, and she was in her soft, white nightgown with her hair up in a big bun. I was struck with how old she looked then, and I felt guilty all over again. 

"No... I'm not okay. I'm..." I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes. I gnashed my teeth together and forced the stupid words out of my mouth. "I'm pregnant."

Leia sighed. "Oh, for fuck sake." 

Her using a curse word made me open my eyes quickly. Leia never cursed. She shook her head. 

"That bastard could hang his clothes up to dry next to yours and you'd get pregnant."

I laughed, like actually laughed, and it felt so foreign that I wasn't even sure if I was doing it right. When was the last time I had laughed? Leia laughed, too, and curled my hair behind my ear when I eventually stopped, gasping for air. I felt high from it all. 

"What are you going to do?" She finally asked. 

And... There it went. Back into reality. 

"I... Don't know. I'm not gonna name it after Han again, though." I giggled again. It felt good to laugh. Fuck, I didn't even realize how much I missed it until I could do it again. Leia shook her head slowly, watching me carefully. 

"No... No, you're not. Because you're going to get an abortion." She looked over to Han. "Don't get me wrong, he's the perfect little sweetheart and I love being his grandmother more than anything. But you're not doing that again."

Ben's words, _so my kids wouldn't be lonely like I was_ , whispered through my brain. My chest ached as I stared at Han, afraid of him being lonely. What if that loneliness just perpetuated him to become violent like Ben? What if because I aborted his sibling, he went crazy and hurt women, too? Oh god, what if it was genetic? 

My chest seized and heaved and I covered my mouth. I felt sick. I was gonna be sick. I was -

Leia yanked me by the chin to look at her. "You're having an abortion, Rey. It's the right thing to do. For yourself and your sanity. There's no reason to have your rapist's child. There will be other opportunities, baby. Don't do this to yourself."

I nodded as I stared into her eyes. She was right. She always was. I swallowed back my spit and took a deep breath in through my nose. There would be other opportunities. I wasn't going to be alone again. I was going to start dating when I got home. Han deserved to see a normal relationship, something healthy to help him understand that there was happy families out there. 

We laid down to go to sleep, and I cuddled Han up into my arms and let my eyes fall shut. I was so exhausted, I fell asleep nearly instantly. I didn't have time to wonder about Ben, hogtied and locked up in a truck, ready to be gifted to the police by the nicest bounty hunter I'd ever known. Not that I knew any, but still.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin/Han Jr POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so crazy that this is my very first fanfic that I started last November and it's up to 41 chaoters now. I just want you guys to know that I've been bullshitting every chapter, making it up as I go. As soon as I get to a chapter, I think, "this is it. I'm gonna end it right here." But I'm not satisfied yet, there's still some story left here. Not much, but a little. I'm gonna go on a slight hiatus after this short chapter and work on finishing a few of my other ones. I'd love it if you guys checked out my new cult themed one I'm writing right now. *wink wink nudge nudge*
> 
> 💜 Kthanxbye.
> 
> Anyways...

I wake up early and Mama and Granny are still sleeping so I sneak out of bed as quiet as I can be. I get my toothbrush and go brush my teeth in the bathroom to get all the yucky taste of sleep out of my mouth. 

Mama cries so much. Why is my mama so sad all the time? I hate that she's so sad... I want to squeeze it out if her like a toothpaste bottle until she's happy again. 

I'm happy to see granny again, though. I've never not seen her for this long before and I missed her lots. Daddy didn't like it when I would ask about her at the hotel. He told me, "Granny isn't going to be around for awhile. Now hush, Anakin, don't wake mama."

Daddy called me Anakin a lot. He said it was his grandpa's name, and that his grandpa was a good man who was "misunderstood." He said he hated my name, Han, because my grandpa was not a good man. He told me that he hated my grandpa. I didn't understand. Mama and granny always said nice things about him. 

I wish I could meet both of them, but they're in Heaven. That's where you go when you fall asleep and don't wake up again. I'm glad they weren't in H E double hockey sticks... That's where bad people went when they didn't wake up. 

I looked at myself in the mirror, checking to make sure I did a good job on brushing my teeth. Daddy said healthy teeth meant that I would be healthy all over. I even worked out with Daddy at the hotel. But I couldn't do push ups like him, so I did them on my knees. 

I heard the door to the hotel open and close, real quiet. It wasn't mama or granny, cause I would have seen them walk by. Was it Mr. Boba Fett? I walked out of the bathroom to see, but what I did see scared me out of my wits. 

Daddy was holding Mr. Boba Fett by the head, slicing a big knife across his neck. There was blood everywhere, all over Daddy and Mr. Boba Fett and I got frozen because I was so scared. 

Daddy looked evil. Like the devil. 

"Go back to bed!" Daddy whispered at me, hissing like a big snake. 

I hightailed it back to the bedroom and shut the door, locking it and jumping back into bed with mama and granny. 

My chest hurt a lot and I couldn't breathe good again. I tried to breathe but I couldn't, and I was gasping in air like a fish our of water. 

This was a bad dream. It was a really bad, bad dream. Daddy wouldn't hurt anyone unless... Unless they were bad aliens... Was Mr. Boba Fett a bad alien? But he was so nice... Bad aliens aren't nice... Are they? 

I kept breathing like a fish, shaking and so scared. I went to shake mama awake, to tell her that Mr. Boba Fett was a bad alien when Daddy giggled the door knob and knocked on the door. 

"Open the door, son."

I started to shake mama, but she only groaned and turned away from me. I shook her harder and she finally sat up, her eyes starting to open with sleepy crusties in her eyes when Daddy spoke again, clawing at the door like a big lion. 

"Open the door, son. I mean it. I don't want to have to break it down... But I will."

Mama shot up and her eyes got real, real big and she stared at the door and grabbed me into her arms. I felt her heart beating hard like mine and she she pet my hair softly. 

I don't think that's _my_ Daddy at the door....


End file.
